Surviving marriage in yandere world

The day started, as most disasters did lately, with Rei opening a textbook and discovering a lovingly illustrated decapitation diagram.

He blinked then flipped the page.

Another one. This time, the diagram featured someone labeled "Possible Threat #36: Girl with nice eyebrows" being stuffed into a suitcase labeled For Husband's Peace.

"…I think I'm being stalked by my own academic materials," Rei muttered.

[System Notification: You are correct.]

[Sub-Alert: Your textbooks have been replaced.]

[New Title Acquired: "Study Material… In the Murder Sense"]

Rei stood in his dorm room, clutching what he thought was Introduction to Relationship Ethics: Husband Edition. Instead, he was holding a leather-bound monstrosity titled:

The Rosette Codex: Vol 4 — Eliminating the Competition with Grace and Precision.

On the front page, a looping heart was drawn in crimson ink. Inside the heart: "♡ Property of Mrs. Rosette Rei Ashbourne ♡ (That's me, not the other wives. Die.)"

He slowly backed away and the pillow on his bed wriggled. Spy-chan blinked at him.

"I'm going to scream," Rei whispered.

Spy-chan blinked again, then turned into a rune and burrowed into his mattress like a sentient mole.

Ten Minutes Earlier: Royal Magic Academy, Faculty Office

Professor Leonhart was screaming into his tea. "WHY ARE THERE RITUAL CIRCLES DRAWN ON ALL THE SYLLABI?!"

Lilia, now the self-declared Vice Principal of Husbandological Defense, leaned against the door with a glowing staff.

"Oh, that's probably Rosette. She believes in proactive academic elimination."

"…Elimination of what?!"

"Distractions," Lilia said smoothly. "And organs. Usually lungs."

Meanwhile: Rei, still flipping pages

Page 12: A shopping list.

10 vials holy water (in case she's a vampire)

1 enchanted shovel (in case she's not)

1 emergency wedding dress

Rei's dental records (??)

The next page was a diary entry.

Day 44. Emilia sat next to Husband again. She smiled. I smiled back. My smile was laced with venom. Hers wasn't. Clearly, she's the monster.

Plan: Replace textbooks. Replace oxygen. Replace entire Academy if necessary.

[System Alert: Academic Sabotage Detected.]

[Would you like to file a formal complaint to the Headmaster?]

[Suggested Response: "My wife turned my homework into a hit list."]

Rei stared blankly at the wall. There was no help, not anymore.

In Cafeteria – Present Time.

Emilia waved to him. "Rei! I made you a lunch bento~!"

Five yandere faction lieutenants dropped their trays in unison.

Seraphina's eye twitched. "Did that normie just offer a carbohydrate to my fiancé?"

"She wants him weak," Rosette said flatly, appearing behind Seraphina like a Victorian ghost. "Classic strategy. Next, she'll poison the napkins."

"You poisoned the napkins," Seraphina snapped.

"Exactly. I know the signs."

Rei sat down slowly.

"Why is my rice shaped like a noose?" he asked Emilia, trying to be polite.

She blinked innocently. "Oh! That was supposed to be a heart!"

"…Huh."

[System Observation: Either she's bad at art, or good at threats.]

[Affection Level: 39%. Proximity to Catastrophe Threshold: 1%.]

In the classroom, Professor Thorne looked done, just done.

In front of her, five wives, one normal girl, and a trembling Rei sat in the first row.

"Welcome to Marriage Management," she croaked. "A class designed to help noble spouses navigate the delicate art of—PUT THE DAGGER DOWN, DRAGONA."

Drakana grunted and slid the ceremonial dragon-blade under her desk. "She winked at him. That's attempted seduction."

"It was a sneeze," Emilia said.

"She sneezed suggestively."

Rosette raised her hand. "Can we submit extra credit assignments for body disposal logistics?"

"No."

"Hypothetically?"

"No!"

Rei slumped in his chair.

[System Reminder: You chose this elective.]

[System Commentary: "Peace," you said. "It'll be quiet," you said.]

Later That Night: Rei's Dorm Room

He tried to study.

Keyword: tried.

Page 37 of the textbook (Rosette Edition) read:

Dear Husband. If you're reading this, I've already replaced your quills with memory-gathering insects. Don't worry. They only bite if they sense infidelity.

(P.S. You should really stop talking to Emilia.)

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA—"

There was a knock at the window. Rei turned. There Emilia, drenched from the rain, held up a small bundle of actual Relationship Ethics textbooks. "Hi! I noticed your books looked… uh, demonic? Thought I'd drop these off."

Behind her, a tree burst into flames.

Rosette stood on a nearby roof with a flaming arrow.

"Coincidence," Rei muttered. "Has to be."

He opened the new book. It didn't bite him. It didn't whisper blood rites. He nearly cried.

"Thank you, Emilia."

She smiled. "No problem. Goodnight!"

"…Goodnight."

She turned.

[System Alert: Affection Score ↑ 40%.]

[Warning: You are now in the Yandere Red Zone.]

[Initiating Passive Defensive Protocol: RUN.]

The Council of Wives – Emergency Meeting. Held in the Abandoned Potion Lab (Now renamed Temple of Husband Preservation).

Lilia slammed her staff on the floor. "The time has come."

"To talk of many things?" Seraphina said dryly.

"No. To declare war."

Drakana growled. "Blood war."

Vivienne sipped her tea. "Tea war."

Rosette dropped a 40-pound tome onto the table. "I propose an immediate operation: TEXTBOOK PURGE PHASE 2."

"Seconded," four voices echoed.

They turned to Spy-chan, now sitting on a miniature throne carved from enchanted quills.

It blinked once.

Rosette nodded. "Spy-chan approves. The council moves forward."

Ah yes, nothing like revising for midterms while also wondering if your notebook is sentient and plotting your exorcism. Rei's having the time of his life. Emilia, bless her, is either the most stable person in the world or an undercover goddess of chaos. There's no in-between. Meanwhile, Rosette's turning the Dewey Decimal System into a kill order format.

Midnight in Rei's Dorm. Rei woke to the sound of scratching.

Not the cute "Spy-chan is making a nest" kind of scratching. More like "something is etching blood-runes into your furniture while humming a wedding march."

[System Notification: Audio Signature Detected – Rosette, Rosette-adjacent, or Rosette-employed.]

He sat up at his desk chair was slowly spinning on its own, the moonlight glinting off… a quill with teeth?

"Nope," Rei muttered, shoving the blanket over his head. "Not dealing with it."

A moment later, the blanket was yanked away.

Rosette stood there, holding another textbook. This one had gold-trimmed pages and smelled faintly of lavender and… chloroform.

"Replacement delivery, Husband."

"I just got normal ones back from Emilia."

Rosette's smile was all teeth. "Yes. And now I've corrected them."

He hesitated. "Corrected… how?"

Her eyes glittered. "Removed misleading content then added practical examples. Cross-referenced with actual field work."

Rei flipped the cover. The table of contents read:

Appendix A: Poison Recipes for Beginners

Appendix B: Alibis

"…and Appendix C?" Rei asked cautiously.

"Pet names," Rosette said sweetly. "For you. And for my enemies."

He shut the book. "I'm returning this."

She leaned closer. "Try."

[System Alert: Courage Check Failed.]

[Outcome: You will keep the book forever.]

The Next Morning in Academy Library. Rei sat in the corner, surrounded by study materials that were either cursed, booby-trapped, or written in blood.

Emilia arrived with a tray of tea and pastries. "Morning! I thought I'd help you prep for the quiz."

Her smile was pure sunshine. Her skirt was definitely not hiding daggers.

He accepted a pastry like a man accepting a ceasefire agreement. "Thanks."

Seraphina appeared five seconds later with her tray—identical pastries, identical tea.

"I see the imposter beat me here," Seraphina said lightly.

"I was just helping Rei study," Emilia replied, equally light.

"Yes," Seraphina said, taking a seat beside Rei. "Helping him die of food poisoning."

"I don't poison people."

"Of course not," Seraphina said sweetly, pulling a vial from her sleeve. "That's why I'll test these."

[System Commentary: And this is why the library banned live dissection last semester.]

Before Rei could intervene, Drakana crashed into the table, sending pastries into orbit.

"QUIZ?" she growled. "Then we train."

"Train for a relationship ethics test?" Rei asked.

"Yes. Survival drills. In case the quiz is a trap."

[System Cross-Reference: With this faculty, probability of trap = 87%.]

Two Hours Later, the "study group" had migrated to the empty dueling hall. Flashcards were scattered across the floor, each etched with glowing runes.

Emilia picked one up. "This one says 'Name three healthy communication habits.'"

The card exploded into confetti.

"That was the wrong answer," Lilia said serenely. "It should have been 'None. Secrecy protects the Husband.'"

"That's not healthy—" Emilia began.

Another flashcard started vibrating. Mira caught it mid-air, smiling. "Lightning round?"

"No!" Rei shouted. "No lightning anything!"

The card released a small thunderclap anyway.

[System Note: Study efficiency = 2%. Collateral damage = 400%.]

Rosette calmly took notes. "Flashcard enchantments are promising. We can integrate these into Phase 3 of the Textbook Purge."

"You have phases?" Rei asked.

She didn't answer.

Late Evening in the Temple of Husband Preservation.

The wives gathered around a chalkboard diagram that looked like a war plan. Circles marked "Emilia Zone," "Neutral Zone," and "No-Go Zone (Explosive)."

Rosette pointed to the center. "Phase 2 is complete. Phase 3 begins tomorrow. We target her pencil case."

"She does have nice pencils," Drakana rumbled.

"They could be used to write love notes," Rosette said darkly.

"They could be used to stab people," Drakana countered.

"Exactly."

[System Classification: Logic = Yandere-Consistent. Probability of Implementation = 100%.]

Same Time in Rei's Dorm. Rei sat on his bed, holding the normal textbooks Emilia had given him. He tucked them carefully under his mattress.

Spy-chan popped out of a pillow, meeping twice.

"I know," Rei sighed. "Tomorrow's going to be worse."

Spy-chan blinked then Rei blinked back.

From outside came the faint sound of digging. He got up, pulled the curtain aside—

Rosette was in the courtyard with a shovel.

Emilia was in the opposite corner, holding a potted plant like a weapon.

Their eyes met across the grass. Then duel began without words.

[System Emergency Protocol Engaged: "Go to Sleep and Pretend It's Not Happening."]

Rei closed the curtains.

"Yup," he muttered. "Definitely worse."

To be continued…