Surviving marriage in yandere world

The Royal Magic Academy Tournament, Day Three.

The banners still flapped gallantly. The announcer still screamed like a man watching his retirement plan burn. And Rei still sat chained in the "VIP Groom Seat," praying for divine smiting, divine rescue, or at least divine earplugs.

The previous duels had left the arena scarred, the audience traumatized, and Rei sunburned in places a man should never be sunburned. But today promised a new flavor of nightmare.

Because today… Emilia was up.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we move to the next bracket match!" the announcer croaked, sipping heavily from a flask of Please Forget I Exist. "And in this round… Emilia of House Veyra will face—"

The announcer's voice broke as he read the second name. "…Professor Baltazar the Grand Archmage, Destroyer of Nations, Scourge of Demons, and Ten-Time Academy Champion."

The crowd gasped.

Rei blinked. "Wait, WHAT?!"

Down below, Lilia, Drakana, Seraphina, and Rosette all sat in the "support benches," suspiciously synchronized in their innocent smiles.

Lilia folded her hands in mock prayer. "Ara, ara… such unfortunate luck, hm? The bracket placed Emilia against Baltazar."

Drakana smirked, flames curling in her nostrils. "Heh. Guess fate's telling Emilia to step aside."

Seraphina adjusted her gloves, eyes blazing with holy certainty. "Indeed, A mortal cannot stand against a living legend."

Rosette added nothing, but her shadow shifted with a smug twitch.

Rei's chains rattled. "Don't tell me you four RIGGED this?!"

[System Notification: Bracket manipulation detected. Probability of fair play = 0%. Probability of Rei's future marital peace = -∞%.]

Rei slammed his head back against the gilded chair. "Why is the System giving me math with negative infinity?!"

[System Answer: Because your situation is mathematically unsalvageable.]

Emilia, meanwhile, strolled into the arena with the calm composure of someone arriving at a tea party rather than a death match. Her pale silver hair glimmered like moonlight, and her gentle smile radiated harmless innocence.

The audience whispered.

"Isn't she the shy one?"

"She looks like she'd apologize if she stepped on a bug."

"Maybe she'll just forfeit?"

Baltazar the Archmage entered opposite her in a flash of lightning and ego. His robes shimmered with enchantments. His staff was carved from the spine of a slain leviathan. His eyebrows were thick enough to qualify as independent familiars.

"Child," Baltazar rumbled, his voice rolling across the stands like thunder. "Do not cry when you fall. For I am merciful. You may yet serve me as an apprentice, once I am finished proving your unworthiness."

Rei groaned. "He's dead, he's so dead and he doesn't know it."

[System Hint: Correct. The survival rate of arrogant NPC bosses against 'shy' yanderes is statistically 0%.]

Baltazar twirled his staff, conjuring a dozen glowing orbs of lightning around him. "Witness true sorcery!"

Emilia blinked up at him, tilted her head… and smiled politely.

"Oh. Hello, Professor."

The announcer raised his hand. "Match start!"

Baltazar didn't hesitate. He unleashed a volley of lightning bolts that sizzled across the arena, ripping trenches through the ground. The sky darkened, thunder roared, and the crowd ducked for cover.

"Behold!" Baltazar shouted. "This is the power of a Grand Archmage!"

The audience cheered. Rei curled into a fetal position. But Emilia? She curtsied and then—

She tripped. It wasn't even a dramatic fall. She just politely stepped forward, caught the hem of her gown, wobbled like a startled duck, and fell flat on her face.

And in that moment, the air snapped.

A shockwave burst from Emilia's body. A wave of silvery mana exploded outward like a supernova, flattening Baltazar's lightning orbs in an instant.

The crowd screamed, the arena floor cracked and Rei's eyebrows smoked.

[System Alert: Emergency magical discharge detected. Trigger: "Oops."]

Baltazar staggered back, eyes bulging. "I—impossible! No human could—"

Another ripple surged as Emilia scrambled to her feet, brushing dirt from her skirt. "Ah! S-sorry, I didn't mean to—"

The apology alone unleashed another mana quake. This one detonated Baltazar's staff into splinters and blew his beard backwards like a hurricane.

The grand archmage screamed as he was launched across the arena and embedded face-first into the far wall, leaving a Baltazar-shaped crater.

The entire arena froze.

Rei's jaw dropped. "She… won… by tripping."

[System Notification: Congratulations! Emilia has unlocked Hidden Technique: [Graceful Disaster]. Skill description: "Every stumble, every slip, every oops = apocalyptic event."]

"THAT'S NOT A SKILL, THAT'S A BUG!" Rei howled.

[System Correction: Feature, not a bug.]

The crowd sat in stunned silence, then pandemonium erupted.

"She didn't even CAST anything!"

"That was pure… raw… accident!!"

"She's… she's terrifying."

A group of students huddled together, trembling. "We must never let her enter the alchemy lab. The continent won't survive."

Meanwhile, Baltazar groaned, his legs twitching in the crater. "M-maybe… I should… retire…"

The announcer clutched his chest. "Ladies and gentlemen… by accident… the winner is Emilia Veyra!"

The audience roared. Half in admiration and half in horror.

Up in the support benches, the other four wives sat frozen.

Lilia's smile cracked. "…Ara?"

Drakana's jaw clenched. "Tch. She wasn't supposed to WIN."

Seraphina's holy aura flickered. "Impossible. That wasn't strategy. That was divine… slapstick."

Rosette's hand twitched toward her dagger. "…Dangerous. She must be monitored."

Rei, still chained, screamed. "You four are the idiots who set her up against Baltazar! She just destroyed a grand archmage by apologizing too hard!"

[System Reminder: Plotting against fellow yanderes has unpredictable consequences. Please consult the [Yandere Cold War Survival Guide] in your inventory.]

"I DON'T HAVE THAT ITEM!" Rei roared.

[System Hint: Correct. You should have purchased the DLC.]

Emilia dusted herself off, cheeks pink with embarrassment. She looked toward Rei and waved softly, her eyes shining with sweet devotion.

"I… I hope I did well, Rei-sama."

Rei nearly fainted. "You demolished an archmage BY ACCIDENT! That's not doing well, that's committing war crimes by tripping!"

The crowd cheered her name. "EMILIA! EMILIA! EMPRESS OF ACCIDENTS!"

Rei tugged furiously against his chains. "Don't give her a title!!"

[System Achievement Unlocked: [Oops, I Conquered].]

[Effect: Emilia gains +100% intimidation while apologizing.]

Rei screamed into the sky. The gods, as usual, ignored him.

The medics dragged Baltazar's twitching body out of the wall. The man's beard was still vibrating.

The announcer's hands shook as he scribbled into his notes. "Today's match will go down in history… as the day accidents became the deadliest weapon."

Meanwhile, Emilia approached the wives' bench with her gentle smile. "Oh, sisters. I'm sorry if that match made things… unfair."

The four wives froze, fake smiles plastered across their faces.

Lilia: "Of course not, dear Emilia. Fate simply chose you."

Drakana: "Heh. Beginner's luck. That's all."

Seraphina: "…Surely it was divine will."

Rosette: "…Next time, I'll poison the floor."

Rei groaned. "I HEARD THAT LAST ONE!"

[System Notification: Warning. Marital Cold War escalating. Rei's survival probability for tonight's dinner = 2%.]

And with that, the tournament rolled on. But deep down, Rei knew one thing for certain.

If Emilia could annihilate an archmage just by tripping… then when the finals came… the real apocalypse would begin.

The medics were still trying to pry Baltazar out of the crater with enchanted crowbars. Every time they tugged, he groaned, "No more students… no more midterms…" before passing out again.

Rei slumped forward in his gilded seat. "Why do I even bother worrying anymore? I should just assume everything will explode if Emilia sneezes wrong."

[System Clarification: Sneezing does, in fact, trigger a 12.3 magnitude mana quake. Would you like to see the projected death toll?]

"NO. NO I WOULD NOT." Rei buried his face in his hands.

The crowd, however, was already transforming Emilia into a legend. Vendors outside the arena were selling "Oops Happens" headbands. Students had started chanting "Step on us accidentally, Emilia-sama!" like a cult.

Rosette's eyes twitched. "This… is dangerous. Her popularity is spreading."

Drakana snorted, fists clenched. "Che. If they think tripping is power, wait until they see REAL firepower in the semifinals."

Lilia's voice dripped honey. "Ara, ara… jealousy is unbecoming, sisters. We should be grateful Emilia has shown us such a… novel path to victory."

Seraphina crossed herself and muttered, "If divine providence can manifest through clumsiness, then truly, we are living in the end times."

Emilia simply bowed politely. "I-I really didn't mean to cause trouble. I only hope Rei-sama isn't… disappointed in me."

Rei jolted upright, chains clattering. "DISAPPOINTED?! Emilia, you just turned a legendary archmage into wall décor by falling down! You terrify me more than the others combined!"

Her face glowed pink. "…Rei-sama noticed me."

[System Observation: Emilia's Affection Level +5%. Current Level: 77%.]

[System Sarcasm Mode: Wow. Truly, nothing screams romance like traumatizing your husband with unintentional supernovas.]

Rei groaned. "I swear, if the finals don't kill me, dinner will."

The announcer, trembling as if he'd aged twenty years in ten minutes, forced his voice into the echo-crystal. "A-AHEM. Ladies and gentlemen, this concludes Round One! May the gods save us all as we proceed… to the semifinals!"

The crowd roared again, half in fear, half in devotion.

Rei tugged against his chains one more time, muttering under his breath. "If I survive this tournament… I'm transferring to another dimension."

[System Notification: Warning. Transfer Application Probability of Failure = 100%. Reason: [Rosette's Eternal Enrollment Contract].]

Rei's scream echoed across the arena louder than the thunder itself.

To be continued…