Surviving marriage in yandere world

The infirmary bed was suspiciously soft, suspiciously warm and somehow suspiciously… alive.

Rei awoke groggily, blinking at the ceiling as the faint smell of burnt velvet and cursed chocolate lingered in the air from the previous day's "teacher confession apocalypse." His limbs ached, his hair had been mysteriously braided into a heart shape, and someone had drawn a tally on his neck in crimson lipstick.

At this point, it was just another Monday.

He groaned and turned over—only to feel his pillow tremble.

He froze.

The pillow trembled again.

"…System."

[System Scan: Unknown Magical Signature Detected.]

[Lifeform Classification: Animate Surveillance Construct – Class B Sentient Object.]

[Designation: Spy-chan. Owner: Rosette the Maid. Status: Watching you sleep since 03:12 AM.]

Rei's face contorted with existential despair. "It's alive?!"

The pillow let out a soft, muffled "Nyaa"

Rei threw it across the room. It bounced off the wall, landed gracefully on the nearby shelf, turned slightly… and continued to stare at him.

Wide, stitched button-eyes blinked.

Rei backed up to the edge of the bed. "I'm being watched by a cursed pillow named Spy-chan?!"

[System Notification: Correction – Highly advanced surveillance pillow. Not cursed. Possibly clingy.]

"IT JUST PURRED."

[System Fact: Some surveillance objects develop personalities when in close contact with high-yandere environments. Spy-chan is now emotionally attached to you. Congratulations.]

Spy-chan wiggled suggestively. Rei screamed into his blanket.

Two Hours Earlier

Rosette crouched in the shadows of the infirmary, dressed in her standard black-and-white maid uniform, which somehow absorbed light itself. She whispered to her squad of combat squirrels, who saluted with silent efficiency.

"Operation Pillow Penetration is a go."

She placed the final rune into the seams of the enchanted cushion with surgical precision. It shimmered.

"Spy-chan," Rosette murmured, "you are now his guardian… and his confessor."

Spy-chan blinked once. It mewed once and It was ready.

Present – Back in the Infirmary

Rei was now dangling from the ceiling chandelier by his belt, staring down at the cursed object below.

Spy-chan sat on the bed. Innocent. Round. Demonic.

"System… tell me how to uninstall a sentient pillow."

[System Suggestion: Burn it.]

[System Warning: Burning Spy-chan may trigger Owner Rage Event: Rosette Edition.]

He gulped. "Alternative suggestions?"

[System Suggestion: Accept it as your fluffy companion and whisper your secrets to it at night.]

[System Note: Spy-chan rates your sleep quality 3/10.]

"What do you mean 3/10?!"

Spy-chan held up a tiny sign written in adorable cursive: "You kick in your sleep and mumble other girls' names."

Rei paled. "That traitorous sack of cotton—!"

The infirmary doors creaked open. Rosette stepped in, dusting imaginary lint off her maid gloves.

"Good morning, Young Master," she said in that calm, utterly emotionless tone that somehow felt more dangerous than any death threat.

"You named the pillow Spy-chan." Rei pointed accusingly. "It stared into my soul."

Rosette nodded. "Yes. And it reported that your soul is… messy."

Spy-chan squeaked in agreement.

"I have the right to a private pillow!" Rei argued.

"You lost that right when you triggered five romantic flags in one day," she replied smoothly. "Spy-chan is here to prevent further incidents."

"And spy on me."

"Yes. But lovingly."

Later – Rei's Dorm Room (Rebuilt After Chapter 83 Explosion)

Rei arrived at his new dorm room and opened the door cautiously.

The first thing he noticed: Spy-chan was already sitting on the bed.

The second: An entire network of cute, plushy objects scattered across the room.

A stuffed rabbit wearing a maid hat. A singing magical cat doll perched by the window and a toothbrush with eyes.

"…No."

[System Notification: Welcome to the Rosette Surveillance Network™]

[Total Monitored Objects: 17]

[Privacy Level: Imaginary]

He picked up the toothbrush. "You too?!"

It blinked.

"Rei~" it whispered, in Rosette's voice. "Remember to floss."

He threw it out the window then Rosette appeared instantly beside him.

"You forgot your surveillance toothbrush," she said, holding it out.

"I am NOT brushing my teeth while being watched."

Rosette tilted her head. "Then would you prefer I do it for you?"

"WHAT?!"

Spy-chan purred.

That Night. Rei sat cross-legged on his bed, staring at the wall.

Spy-chan rested on his lap. He had tried to throw it into the hallway three times. It always returned. He had tried flushing it but It refused. He tried talking to it.

"So... do you have feelings, or are you just possessed?"

Spy-chan responded by rolling slightly and pressing its fluffy self against his chest like a child asking for cuddles.

He sighed.

"…Fine. One night. But you don't get blanket privileges."

Spy-chan burrowed into his shirt.

"YOU VIOLATED THE TREATY."

[System Notification: Spy-chan's affection level has increased to 'Clingy Marshmallow.' Special Skill Unlocked – Emotional Aura Detection.]

"What does that mean?"

[System Sarcasm Mode: Oh, nothing. Just that now the pillow can detect incoming yandere threats faster than you can blink. Basically, your soft FBI agent.]

"…Okay. That actually sounds kind of useful."

Spy-chan beeped.

Rei blinked. "Wait, why is it beeping?"

[System Warning: Yandere Aura Detected – Approaching from three hallways simultaneously.]

Cut To – The Door Exploding

The door to the dorm burst open in a hail of roses, love letters, and a faint chorus of "He Belongs to Me!"

Standing in the doorway were all five wives, glowing with competitive fury.

Lilia: "Time for your nightly cuddle audit."

Sera: "I brought cookies… that may or may not contain honesty serum."

Drakana: "WHO IS THE STUFFED COMPETITION?!"

Velveria: "You've been cheating on me… with fluff?"

Rosette: Calmly sipping tea from a cup labeled Surveillance is Love.

Rei pointed at Spy-chan. "I told you this was your fault!"

Spy-chan held up a sign:

"Initiating Evasion Protocol: Pillow Fort Defense System!"

Blankets exploded into the air and sheets coiled like serpents.

Pillows piled themselves into a fortress around Rei at rapid speed.

The girls blinked.

Lilia smiled.

"…Challenge accepted."

Two Hours Later – The Pillow Fort Is On Fire

Rei poked his head out of the ashes. Spy-chan rested on his head, lightly singed. The toothbrush was being used by Velveria to brush his hair.

Rosette stood atop the ruins, satisfied.

[System Notification: Spy-chan has survived its first wife storm. Loyalty increased. Trustworthiness: Debatable.]

Rei lay back in the rubble. "I just want one normal day."

Spy-chan held up a new sign:

"Not happening, Darling~"

Rei stared blankly at the smoky ceiling. His pillow fort had been annihilated and his toothbrush now doubled as a hairbrush.

His emotional support plush was somehow the MVP of the evening.

And five dangerously beautiful women were currently arguing over who got to "interrogate" him first while casually reloading love-arrow crossbows, baking affection grenades, or sharpening seduction knives.

He buried his face into Spy-chan's still-warm fluff.

"…You win. I surrender."

Spy-chan squeaked triumphantly.

[System Notification: Achievement Unlocked – "Domesticated by Pillow." Reward: +1 Sanity for Accepting the Madness.]

"Oh, sure. Where was that sanity when my pillow grew a soul?"

[System Note: The pillow always had a soul. You just didn't notice until it began cuddling.]

Spy-chan made a gentle "nyaa" sound as it nestled into his arms again.

The door creaked again.

Rei's body stiffened. "There's more?! Who's next? The bath loofah?!"

From down the hallway came the faint, sultry voice of the Goddess Eris through the walls:

"Heyyyyy Rei~ I enchanted your shampoo bottle~ It sings about betrayal now~"

He screamed.

Spy-chan vibrated with concern or maybe joy. At this point, he couldn't tell anymore.

Suddenly, Rosette knelt beside him, patting soot off his chest.

"You handled the assault admirably, Young Master," she said with genuine approval in her voice. "Spy-chan reported a 63% improvement in your panic management."

"Oh joy, I'm leveling up in terror endurance."

"You're adapting."

"I'm cracking."

Rosette handed him a cup of tea. "This will help."

He sniffed it. "Is it drugged?"

"No. It's blessed by the Temple of Passive-Aggressive Cleansing. Removes guilt, fear, and indecision."

Rei took a sip.

He felt slightly better. Then slightly worse. Then very aware that he was still wearing pajama pants with 'Property of Drakana' stitched in fire thread.

"By the way," Rosette said, eyes narrowing ever so slightly, "Spy-chan informed me that you dreamed about Lilia, Seraphina, and… a potato?"

"It was a demon potato!" Rei argued. "It tried to marry me!"

Spy-chan beeped.

[System Clarification: The potato wore a wedding veil. Valid confusion.]

Rosette nodded, satisfied. "Understood. Still, I'll need to deploy additional rune plushies near your dream barrier."

"…Dream barrier?"

"Don't worry," she said serenely, pulling out a scroll titled Plan 72-A: Midnight Thought Surveillance. "This is only Phase One."

"Of what?!"

"Ensuring your thoughts are pure, loyal, and appropriately obsessed with us."

Spy-chan clapped with tiny felt arms.

Rei grabbed the pillow and shook it gently. "You're not supposed to cheer for this!"

[System Notification: Spy-chan has officially become your Yandere Familiar.] [Bond Level: 12% – 'Suspicious Cuddles'] [New Passive Skill Unlocked: Affection Detection Radius +3 Rooms.]

"I swear, this thing's going to evolve into a plush dragon that reports me to the girls whenever I sneeze."

[System Warning: Do not give Rosette that idea.]

But now it's too late. Rosette was already sketching schematics titled Spy-chan Final Form: Winged Snuggle Enforcer.

Rei threw up his hands. "You're all insane."

"Thank you," Rosette said gracefully, bowing. "We try our best."

Spy-chan purred in agreement.

The door creaked open one final time—revealing a tiny plush owl wearing glasses.

Rei stared. "Please tell me that's not—"

[System Notification: Meet Hoot-Hoot-chan. Surveillance Owl. Specialty: Dream Journal Analysis.]

It flapped once. Dropped a paper in his lap. Flew away.

Rei looked down.

The paper read:

Last Night's Dreams:

Hugging Lilia = 2 pts

Kissing Seraphina = 1 pt

Running from Rosette = -3 pts

Confessing to a sentient potato = ??? pts

Suggested Remedial Therapy: Cuddle Rosette Tonight.

Rosette smiled. "Shall I prepare the bed, then?"

Rei turned to Spy-chan, now perched loyally at his side. "Traitor."

Spy-chan offered him a tiny plush blanket.

He sighed, slumping against the soft cotton demon with the resigned weariness of a man who'd long lost control of his life.

[System Notification: New Mission Unlocked – "Survive Rosette's Snuggle Therapy Without Whimpering."] [Reward: +1 Trust with Spy-chan. Penalty: None. Just your dignity.]

Rei mumbled, "I miss when the scariest thing in my room was a normal pillow."

Spy-chan gently nuzzled his cheek.

"No," he said flatly. "We are not doing cuddles again."

Spy-chan whipped out a sign: "Too late~ It's Snuggle O'Clock."

And so began another chaotic night… under plush surveillance.

To be continued…