Surviving marriage in yandere world

Rei just wanted a sandwich.

Just bread, maybe some meat and something resembling lettuce. He was even willing to gamble on the "Mystery Mayo" after last week's "Wasabi Whip Incident" that sent three students to the infirmary and gave one the ability to smell betrayal.

But no because today, fate—or more accurately, a certain dragon yandere—had other plans.

The cafeteria was abuzz. Students swarmed the serving line like starving hyenas in enchanted robes. Elemental spells were used not to battle enemies, but to keep soup warm or levitate trays. A sword duel had just broken out near the fruit station over the last apple.

Amidst this madness, Rei stood, eyes locked on a steaming tray of something that vaguely resembled edible curry.

"Almost there," he muttered, shuffling forward.

Then, she appeared. Not one of his she's. This was a random she. A perky second-year girl with peach-colored hair, cat ears, and a giggle that could pierce reinforced moral defenses.

She leaned close or i say too close.

"Hi are you that new noble transfer?" she purred, batting her lashes. "You've got this mysterious, slightly traumatized aura. It's really hot."

Rei stiffened because he could feel it.

Somewhere—somehow—the temperature dropped by ten degrees then rose by sixty.

Someone screamed, "THE SKY IS MELTING!"

Elsewhere: Observation Deck

Lilia's teacup shattered in her hand. "A rival... has been born."

Rosette looked up from her surveillance crystal, whispering, "Cafeteria. Sector Four. Flirt Detected."

Velveria drew a heart-shaped dagger. "I'll handle the dismemberment."

Back at Ground Zero

Rei barely had time to turn before the air shimmered. A shadow fell across the cafeteria, blotting out the enchanted skylights. Students froze. Sporks stopped mid-air. Even the curry looked up in alarm.

BOOM.

The double doors burst open, unhinging from their frames, as she entered.

Drakana. Seven feet of pure muscle, fire-forged wrath, and very little chill. Her eyes glowed molten gold, her tail crackled with sparks, and her wings—yes, wings, she'd stopped hiding them by now—unfurled like war banners.

She walked through the chaos, step by step, until she reached the flirting catgirl.

"Oh?" Drakana said, voice deceptively soft. "You're talking to my mate?"

The girl blinked innocently. "Oh, I didn't know he was taken~"

Drakana's smile was pure extinction.

Rei held up a hand. "Drakana. Please don't—"

She exhaled, a small exhale, really but when a dragon exhales, "small" is relative.

The blast of fire that followed wasn't even her full breath but more like a sneeze.

It still vaporized the curry station, turned the dessert corner into crème brûlée, and melted three spoons into modern art.

[System Alert: You are now within the blast radius of Jealous Rage Lv. 5.]

[Cafeteria Status: 92% Incinerated]

[You have been flagged as: HUSBAND UNDER FIRE. Nearby yanderes will respond accordingly.]

Rei dove behind the salad bar. The salad bar caught fire. He dove into the mop closet but the mop tried to strangle him.

[System Notification: You are experiencing Environmental Betrayal.]

Principal's Office – Ten Minutes Later

Rei sat in a smoking chair next to him sat Drakana, arms crossed, tail tapping with zero remorse.

The Principal, an elderly elf with a forehead vein visibly throbbing, stared them both down.

"I suppose you think this is funny."

Rei, covered in lettuce ash and pudding soot, deadpanned, "I'd be laughing if I wasn't afraid to breathe."

"Do you know how much that cafeteria cost?!"

Drakana tilted her head. "More or less than my honor?"

The Principal inhaled deeply.

"You are—" he flipped a glowing clipboard "—number six on the 'Top Ten Most Expelled-Worthy Students.'"

Rei blinked. "Who's number one?"

"Your maid."

"…Oh."

That Evening, Rei limped into his temporary dorm, now partially rebuilt after the last explosion caused by "unauthorized faction warfare" among his wives.

Spy-chan the pillow blinked at him sympathetically.

Then he collapsed on the bed. "System… tell me this wasn't the worst day."

[System Evaluation: Today ranks #4 in the Top Ten Most Death-Adjacent Lunches.]

[You survived. Technically.]

[Reward: +1 Fire Resistance, and +10 Infamy with Cafeteria Staff.]

Rei groaned. Then a knock came at the door, then it opened and Drakana entered, holding a tray.

"I salvaged this before the fire reached the custard."

She offered him a bowl of something vaguely caramel-colored.

Rei stared. "It's… not on fire."

"Progress," she said proudly.

He sighed and took it. "Thank you. Just… promise me next time, use your words, not your infernos."

Drakana blinked. "Words?"

"Yes."

"Like, 'Back off, he's mine,' instead of melting furniture."

She tilted her head.

"...But melting is faster."

"Please."

She gave a toothy grin. "Fine. I'll try."

Later That Night

Spy-chan recorded everything, of course. And later transmitted it via secret rune network to Rosette, who compiled it in the "Daily Husband Interaction Archive – Vol. 3: Fiery Edition."

Velveria sobbed over the lost pudding supply.

Lilia held a candlelight vigil for the cafeteria's fallen eggs.

And in the deepest corners of the Academy, posters began to appear.

"JOIN THE DRAGON FACTION – FLIRT WITH HUSBAND AT YOUR OWN RISK."

Thirty Minutes Before the Cafeteria Incident

Academy Kitchen – Behind the Scenes

Deep within the enchanted kitchens of the Royal Magic Academy, three sentient ovens were having a breakdown.

"We weren't built for this," groaned Oven Unit #2, its mana flame sputtering like an asthmatic dragon.

"We were meant to toast bagels!" sobbed Toaster Golem-12, who now functioned as a soup warmer ever since a student enchanted him into a "liquid-based lifeform."

"I saw the pudding move again," whispered the fridge, its doors creaking shut in trauma.

The Head Lunch Witch, a retired battle mage known only as Miss Gert, stirred a cauldron filled with mystery stew and muttered ancient food-based incantations.

She paused and a chill ran down her spine.

"Draconic energy," she whispered. "And yandere levels are spiking…"

She turned to the enchanted spice rack.

"Deploy the Fireproof Enchantments. We're about to lose the flan."

Meanwhile – Outside the Cafeteria

A group of first-year students were sitting at a picnic table, chewing anxiously on something that looked like a croissant but tasted like regret.

"So like… why does everything at this academy explode eventually?" one asked.

The others glanced toward the building just as the walls began to glow a faint, ominous red.

"Must be Tuesday," another said, pulling out a bingo card titled 'Weekly School Disasters.'

"Cafeteria fire… top left square, nice."

A cheer erupted as smoke burst from the windows.

Post-Incineration: Cafeteria Cleanup Team Briefing

The janitorial unit—officially called the Academy Sanitation Strike Force—assembled in full enchanted hazmat armor. Each suit bore glowing sigils, reinforced elbow pads, and the phrase "We Clean What Shouldn't Exist."

Team Leader Mop Commander Varn held up a burnt ladle.

"This was a spoon," he said grimly. "Now it's a cursed relic. We're dealing with Category 4 Romantic Fallout. Protocol Twelve is in effect."

One recruit raised a trembling hand. "Sir, what's Protocol Twelve?"

Varn didn't speak. He just pointed to a mural behind them—a fresco of a brave janitor being devoured by a pudding golem while a dragoness blew kisses in the background.

They all saluted.

"FOR THE FLOORS!"

Later – Cafeteria Memorial Wall. A wall had already been erected, covered in enchanted sticky notes and offerings to the lost.

One read: "RIP Garlic Bread. You were too crispy for this world."

Another: "Fallen Flan – You jiggled with honor."

An upperclassman stood with his hand on the wall, tears in his eyes.

"She melted my lunch. But she also melted… my fear of love."

He walked away, sobbing quietly.

Meanwhile – The Cults React. In the Chapel of Endless Affection, Lilia held a vigil. A magical flame hovered in the center of the room, slowly rotating above a bowl of ash-laced mashed potatoes.

"Today," she said, her voice heavy with emotion, "we honor the sacred nourishment that gave its life in the pursuit of Husband's well-being."

The cultists all wore black armbands stitched with tiny, embroidered spoons.

One raised a hand.

"Sister Lilia, does this mean we now accept fire-based courtship rituals as canon?"

Lilia sighed. "We do not condone incineration. However… symbolic destruction as a gesture of devotion may now be classified as holy passion."

Another cultist shouted, "May our love burn like the casserole!"

Everyone clapped reverently.

Elsewhere – The Shadow Factions. In a dimly lit room beneath the east wing, the lesser-known Velveria Faction gathered around a melted pudding shrine.

Leader Velveria, wearing a veil of black lace and mourning gloves, dabbed her eyes delicately.

"We lost everything… the tapioca… the crème caramel… the tiramisu."

One minion knelt before her.

"My Lady. Should we retaliate?"

"No," Velveria said, sniffing with grace. "We endure. But our revenge shall be sweet. Literally. We bake at dawn."

She turned toward a blueprint on the wall titled: Operation: Dessert Reclamation.

Underneath it: Step 1 – Kidnap Husband. Step 2 – Bake Together. Step 3 – Win.

Even Later in Rei's Dream that night, as Rei dozed beside an overprotective Spy-chan, he dreamed. Not of dragons, or flames, or pudding but of peace, of a cafeteria where no one exploded. Where the rice was not sentient. Where he could eat a sandwich without emotional consequences.

In his dream, a gentle voice asked: "Would you like extra cheese?"

He wept.

[System Alert: User is experiencing Rare Dream Type – The Impossible Lunch] [Unlocking New Memory Slot: "Fantasy of a Normal Day"] [Warning: May cause deeper disappointment upon waking.]

Meanwhile in Cafeteria Staff Break Room. Miss Gert sipped black coffee brewed from cursed beans.

"Same time next week?" asked the enchanted coffee pot.

"Probably sooner," she muttered, flipping through the Academy's repair budget.

She circled 'Install Fireproof Relationship Zones' and sighed.

To be continued…