The Eminence in Shadow vs One Punch Man

The leader of the Cult's agitator cell, a woman named Sabina who had once inspired terror with a single, cold glance, was now trembling on the floor of the derelict warehouse, looking up at the silent, cloaked figure before her. The sheer, effortless speed with which he had dispatched her entire unit had shattered her worldview. Power, as she understood it, was a thing of ritual, of pacts, of carefully gathered energy. This… this was something else. A physical absolute.

"I… I will tell you nothing, demon!" she spat, her voice a thin, reedy thing, a pathetic attempt to cling to the last vestiges of her fanatical pride. "The Master's plan is already in motion! You are too late! This city will rot, and its people will curse your King's name as they die!"

Saitama just tilted his head. "Demon? Nah. And your Master's plan sounds pretty lame. Killing a bunch of people with poison? That's not a master plan. That's just… being a jerk."

He took a slow step closer. He wasn't menacing. He wasn't threatening. He was just… there. An implacable, patient presence. "Look," he said, his voice reasonable, almost friendly. "I don't really want to hurt you. It's a hassle. And it makes a mess. But these people out there," he gestured vaguely towards the city, "they're sick. And scared. And it's your fault. So, you're going to tell me how to fix it. Who made the poison? Where is he? Is there an antidote?"

Sabina just sneered, a mask of defiance over her terror. "Find him yourself, if you can. He is hidden in a place even your brute strength cannot reach. And the plague has no cure. It is a masterpiece of our finest alchemist. They will all perish. Slowly."

Saitama sighed, a sound of deep, profound disappointment. "Okay. Guess we have to do this the hard way."

He reached down, not for her, but for a large, heavy, iron-bound crate filled with old, rusty anchor chains that was sitting nearby. He lifted it with one hand as if it were a shoebox. He then held it directly over Sabina's head.

"Alright," he said, his voice still calm. "I'm gonna ask one more time. Where is the poison guy?"

Sabina stared up at the massive crate dangling precariously above her, held by a single, casual hand. She stared into the dark void of his hood, where she could feel, more than see, his unwavering, patient gaze. And in that moment, her fanaticism finally, completely, broke. She had been prepared to die for her cause. She was not prepared to be squashed like a bug by a man who looked and sounded like he was asking for directions. The sheer, ignominious absurdity of it was too much.

"The… the alchemist!" she shrieked, her voice cracking. "Dr. Vistis! His hidden laboratory is beneath the Old Tannery, near the eastern wall! The entrance is through the main vat! He… he has the counter-agent! I swear! That's all I know!"

Saitama held the crate there for a moment longer. "You sure? Not holding anything back?"

"I swear on the Master's name!" she sobbed.

"Okay," Saitama said. He then gently placed the massive crate back on the floor beside her without making a sound. "See? That wasn't so hard." He looked down at her. "You guys should probably find a new hobby. Being evil seems really stressful."

He then turned and walked out of the warehouse, leaving Sabina and her eleven unconscious comrades on the floor. He now had a destination. The Old Tannery. And a name. Dr. Vistis. The thread was unraveling.

Dr. Alon Vistis was in a state of escalating panic. The life-sign monitor for his agitator cell had flatlined into a series of "unconscious but stable" readings, except for one, Sabina, whose vital signs were spiking with extreme terror before also settling into unconsciousness (she had fainted from sheer relief and terror after Saitama left).

"He knows," Vistis whispered, pacing his laboratory, his greasy hair plastered to his forehead with sweat. "He broke her. He knows I'm here. How is this possible?! My location is known only to the highest echelons!"

His assistant, Fenris, was frantically packing rare reagents and research notes into a satchel. "Doctor, we must evacuate! The emergency protocols—"

"Are useless against him!" Vistis shrieked, gesturing wildly. "Did you not see what he did to Epsilon-9? To the monastery? He doesn't use doors! He makes them! He will be here at any moment!"

A sudden, deep BOOM echoed from the floor above them, from the direction of the main tannery. The entire laboratory shuddered. Vials rattled on their shelves. A beaker of some bubbling, viscous fluid toppled over, sizzling as it hit the stone floor.

Vistis and Fenris froze, their faces pale as death.

"He's here," Fenris whispered.

Up above, in the main tannery, Saitama had arrived. He had located the building easily ("Just follow the really bad smell," he'd muttered). He found the main vat, a massive, foul-smelling pit filled with a murky, chemical-laden liquid used for curing hides. It was, as Sabina had said, the entrance.

"Ew. Gross," Saitama said, peering into the vat. "I am not swimming in that."

He looked around. He saw the massive iron winch-and-chain system used to lower hides into the vat. He got an idea. He grabbed the heavy iron chain, pulled it until the large, multi-pronged hook was in his hand, then looked back at the vat.

"Okay, let's see what's at the bottom of this gunk-puddle," he said.

He then threw the hook. Not into the vat. He threw it at the vat. He threw it with enough force that the heavy iron hook, instead of splashing, punched clean through the thick, iron-plated bottom of the massive container.

He then began to pull.

The sound from outside the tannery was extraordinary. A deep, groaning, screeching sound of tortured metal, followed by the roar of thousands of gallons of foul-smelling liquid pouring out into the street. Saitama was, with the casual strength of a man reeling in a fish, pulling the entire multi-ton vat clean out of its foundations, dragging it across the tannery floor.

The vat finally came to rest, leaving behind a massive, gaping hole in the floor, revealing the same smooth, metallic architecture of the hidden laboratory below.

Saitama peered down the hole. "Much better. No swimming required." He then simply dropped down, landing lightly on the floor of the lab below.

He found himself in a scene of panicked chaos. Dr. Vistis and Fenris were staring at him from the far end of the lab, their faces masks of pure, abject terror. They were standing before the lab's only visible exit, a heavily reinforced blast door.

"Hi there!" Saitama said cheerfully, his voice muffled by his mask. "Are you Dr. Vistis? The Head Poisoner-Guy? I've got a complaint from the city of Veridia. Apparently, your science project is making everyone sick. And really grumpy."

Dr. Vistis, his scientific curiosity completely overwhelmed by his instinct for self-preservation, shrieked, "Fenris! The failsafe! Activate the Giga-Golem!"

Fenris, trembling, slammed his hand down on a large, red button on a nearby console. A section of the laboratory wall slid away, revealing a massive alcove. And within it, a new, even more terrifying, abomination was stirring to life.

It was a Giga-Golem. It was not made of flesh, but of metal, stone, and arcane machinery. It stood easily thirty feet tall, its body a hulking, asymmetrical fusion of enchanted steel plates, pulsing crystals, and the repurposed stone from ancient ruins. Its head was a single, massive, glowing red optical sensor, and its arms were immense siege-hammers. It was a walking fortress, a mindless engine of pure destruction, Vistis's last line of defense.

The Golem lumbered forward, its heavy footsteps shaking the very foundations of the lab, its red eye fixing on the small, cloaked figure of Saitama.

"Ooh, a giant robot!" Saitama said, his eyes lighting up. "Cool! I love fighting giant robots!"

Dr. Vistis, seeing the Golem activate, let out a triumphant, if slightly hysterical, cackle. "You are finished, Tempest! My Giga-Golem is forged from enchanted adamantium! Its power core is a bound lightning elemental! It is indestructible! It will crush you into a fine paste while we make our escape!" He grabbed Fenris and began to drag him towards the blast door.

The Giga-Golem raised its massive siege-hammer arms, preparing to bring them down and pulverize Saitama.

Saitama looked at the giant, "indestructible" robot. He looked at the cackling, escaping evil scientist. He sighed. "Indestructible, huh? You'd think they'd learn by now."

He didn't even bother with a "Serious Punch." This was just pest control.

He vanished. A flicker of motion. He appeared directly in front of the Giga-Golem's massive torso, leaped into the air, and delivered a single, focused punch to the glowing crystal that served as its power core.

CRACK.

The sound was shockingly small, like a single piece of glass breaking.

The Giga-Golem froze. The glowing red light in its optical sensor flickered, then died. The immense power from the bound lightning elemental within its core, having had its containment matrix shattered by a force it could not comprehend, simply… grounded out. It didn't explode. It just… fizzled. The thirty-foot-tall war machine stood, inert, a silent, powerless monument to its creator's hubris.

Saitama landed lightly back on the floor. "See? Right in the off-switch."

He then turned his attention to Dr. Vistis and Fenris, who were fumbling with the keypad on the blast door, their faces now completely white with terror.

Saitama appeared in front of them in another silent flicker of motion, blocking their escape. "Leaving so soon?" he asked, his voice losing its cheerful tone, becoming flat and cold again. "We haven't talked about the antidote yet."

Dr. Vistis stared at Saitama, then at his inert Giga-Golem, then back at Saitama. His brilliant, twisted mind finally, completely, snapped. He let out a high-pitched, keening wail of pure despair and fainted dead away, collapsing in a heap.

Fenris, the terrified assistant, just slowly raised his hands in surrender, tears streaming down his face. "The… the counter-agent," he stammered, pointing a trembling finger towards a heavily locked, refrigerated vault in the corner of the lab. "It's… it's in there. Please… please don't punch me into a paste."

Saitama looked at the terrified young man, then at the unconscious evil scientist. He sighed again. The thread had been unraveled. The source had been found. But it had all been… so easy. So… boring.

"Don't worry," Saitama said, patting the trembling Fenris gently on the head. "I'm not gonna punch you." He then looked at the vault. "But I am gonna need a really big container. And probably some ice. To keep this stuff fresh on the way back to Veridia."

The hero's quest was almost over. The city's cure was within his grasp. And the only thing left to do was figure out the logistics of a large-scale, time-sensitive, refrigerated medical delivery. Heroing, he was beginning to realize, involved a lot more than just punching. It involved… planning. And that was the most boring part of all.