MTLNOVEL Chapter 134: The Subtle Dangers
Not so long ago, I'd encountered all sorts of elemental constructs on Lagyel. Mia and I had been forced to fight everything from swarming insects to creepily enhanced animals to towering humanoid golems that almost wiped out our entire unit. In the wake of such experiences, I had managed to convince myself that my dislike for such creatures was just a healthy coping mechanism.
This was brought into question when the mere sight of the ice creatures immediately drove me into a frenzy.
Rage coursed through me, and I lashed out at any construct within reach. I wasn't even using my swords properly! Instead, the wickedly sharp claws I was now capable of extending at will got a rather thorough workout.
I pulverized the blobs. I ripped the legs off the spiders and then stabbed them with their own appendages. I broke the humanoids apart, section by section, with great relish. I barely registered the weight of souls slipping into my trusty purse.
At least I wasn't alone in my fury. Mia was on her own rampage. Her new sword slashed through the air with a vengeance, parting everything it sank into with stunning ease. It might not have been a soul-blade like my primary weapon, but the enchantments Yules' uncle had placed on it were solid.
Eventually, I was surrounded by the shattered remains of ice creatures. My eyes darted around like a wild animal in search of its prey, only to land on a straggler who was trying to escape by rippling back into the ground.
"Oh no you don't," I snarled.
Tearing my mother's sword out of its scabbard, I slammed it through the creature. The blade sang through the living ice and buried itself into the floor of the cavern, but I didn't have much time to relish my victory before I was thrown off-balance.
I was expecting the soul to find its way to my purse, as usual. Instead, my sword pulled the soul back through the blade, absorbing a tiny bit along the way… and then sent the rest careening straight into my body.
My vision wavered, and I gasped as I experienced devouring a soul for the very first time.
It was glorious. It was addictive. My own soul ripped apart the intruder, stripping it of all its strength, knowledge, and essence. I felt a shudder ripple through my being as a little 'more' was added to the totality of my existence.
Images poured into my mind, making my thoughts swim. For a fleeting moment, I was a creature at perfect harmony with my environment. I could burrow through the world, hide from predators, strike at prey, and do whatever I willed with the countless deposits of ice all around me.
The only thing that stymied me was the ground deep below the layers of my preferred environments, and the only things I feared were the hunting parties of the Others who had claimed so many of my kind.
Then came different prey, prey I'd never seen before, sneaking through the tunnel I had taken as my home. So much like the Others, this prey was, but… different. Different enough that I surged forth to feed, to add this new power to my own.
What followed was terror, then the need to flee, and then —
I snapped out of the memories, their simplicity letting my ascension-hardened mind work through them at record time. Sure, it was distinctly odd to experience life from the point of view of living ice, but I found I could handle the oddness with contemptuous ease.
My identity was far more grounded now. I never once lost sight of the fact that I was Hayden, ascended demon, friend of few and enemy of (unfortunately) many. Oh, the ice creature was definitely a part of me now, but not as an intrinsic new facet surgically added by the Absorption Station. It was just nourishment broken down and digested for the sake of growing my soul.
I took a deep breath, releasing it slowly as I stood. Then I began parsing through the memories for something useful. I found a nugget of important information with startling speed.
"We're almost at our destination," I announced. "The locals we're tracking make their home in a cave not too far from here."
Mia shot me a confused look, so I hurried to add, "I don't know why, but my sword ripped the soul right out of that thing and force-fed it to me. These creatures like to avoid the home of the locals."
"Let's see it for ourselves, then." Mia grinned at me and took off at a swift pace, eying the cavern walls with distrust.
I joined her, but my mind was a mile away at that point, returning again and again to the moment I devoured that soul.
The ice creature's soul was weak, inferior in rank, and incapable of providing me with any appreciable growth. In spite of that, the sensation of becoming more, of rapturous glee in the core of my body, made me long to devour another one. My fingers almost twitched in the direction of my soul purse before I beat back the impulse.
That was when half-remembered worries swirled up to the surface of my mind.
I had been terrified of several things before my ascension, even if I didn't let them hold me back. I was worried I'd fail and lose myself, of course. But I was just as terrified of succeeding and turning into something that was no longer me.
You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.
These worries had been shunted to the back of my mind post-ascension. It wasn't something I'd consciously done. In fact, I had difficulty dredging them up to the surface. A momentary tug-of-war occurred between me and my own subconscious before I managed to yank them free.
A shiver passed through me. As I contemplated these old fears, I couldn't help noticing the difference between them and all the post-ascension thoughts I had accepted as my new normal.
How did I get here?
Why did nothing but hatred fill my head when I thought about angels? Why did I feel so much disdain for all mortal races? Why was I so eager to hunt down souls and claim them?
Sure, I had always been driven by ambition. I wanted to grow further. But it wasn't so long ago that the wholesale slaughter of people bothered me. When had I started to lose that sense of respect for life in general? Was it when I killed one person too many? Or was it the first time I invested souls into furthering my ascension?
Wherever they had come from, the feelings were there. The urge to harvest as many souls as possible. The total lack of concern for the lives lost in the process. The utter contempt for any and all mortals.
Who in the literal hells am I now?
"Mia?" My voice was on the verge of trembling, but I kept it steady. "How do you feel about mortals? Really feel about them? Can you do me a favor and think about it for a second?"
I sped up to walk alongside her, watching as her expression shifted from confusion, to shock, to a carefully maintained façade.
"So… you have some new feelings now, too? Mixed feelings, all of a sudden? That aren't… yours?" I ventured carefully.
This earned me a very sharp nod.
Silence stretched between us. Our pace slowed until we were practically shuffling forward.
"Do you think Glaustro kept all this from us?" she finally asked, her voice low.
I stiffened. That wasn't where my mind had gone. Still…
"I don't think so," I said slowly. "I have no way to prove it, but… I mean, it's Glaustro. I don't think Bronwynn did, either."
"Then why? Why did no one warn us?"
"I…" What possible reason could there be? Except, maybe… "Remember their stories about ascension? Most people do it piecemeal. They can take decades just to fulfill the basic requirements. We, meanwhile, did it in… four months? Five?"
Time was a bit fuzzy, but I could hardly attribute that to the Abyss. My life had been one long string of emergencies and accidents since I'd woken up as Hayden. It was hard to keep track of anything.
"You mean to say they don't notice something like this? Just because it happens gradually?" Mia hissed, clearly incredulous.
"I mean that they both don't notice and, well… Grow used to it, maybe? Kill enough people to get souls, and what's the difference between whatever this is and growing insensitive to the slaughter?"
"The difference is suddenly feeling like mortals are worthless just because something has been messing with our head." Her growl was vicious.
I grimaced. "Point."
Neither of us said anything for a while, because really, what was there to say? I couldn't even sort through all the feelings raging inside of me, let alone form coherent sentences.
The worst part? I wasn't sure if I entirely hated the meddling of the Abyss.
Oh, I was chilled to the bone to find out something had been messing around with my head, subtly or not. But would I have survived if the Abyss hadn't done… whatever this was? If I was constantly haunted by the death I inflicted upon the world?
I didn't know, and that bothered me.
Just as irritating was the fact that the manipulation had worked. I couldn't deny that a part of me had irreversibly changed over the course of my time in the Legion of Torment.
Take the present moment, for example. I could have stopped and turned around to demand answers from Glaustro right that second, but I didn't. I simply kept marching towards the settlement of the locals.
I would still claim their lives when the time came.
It was sobering, that. The fact that I was also far more curious now about them, their culture, and the details of how they lived their lives was hardly enough to make up for my desire to steal their souls just to strengthen myself. Those feelings of curiosity and wonder belonged to the old Hayden. They were more intense, sure, like all my emotions, but they were also buried deep in my subconscious.
Read the latest on My Virtual Library Empire
That was another point of confusion. The barrier between me and those suppressed bits was still ridiculously thin. Why not make it more solid? Why wasn't the Abyss trying harder to prevent me from accessing those parts of me, if its whole goal was to watch them wither and die due to neglect? Was it nefarious meddling, or a misguided attempt to help?
I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut. I had so many questions and doubts, and no one to direct them towards. I wasn't even sure Glaustro could help.
Mia had ventured a bit ahead of me while I indulged in my internal monologue. When I opened my eyes, I found her looking over her shoulder at me in worry. That, at least, drew a smile from my lips.
"Don't worry, kitty cat. I'm fine."
"Good. And don't call m-"
Mia gasped as her foot went straight through the floor. Her hands lashed out, desperately reaching for anything to stop her fall.
I had never moved faster in my life. Bursting into motion, I practically teleported to her side, scooping her up around the waist and staggering back. In front of us, where one of her hands had slapped it, the floor crumbled away further.
We watched in disbelief as a web of cracks developed, and then a whole section of the floor fell away to reveal a gaping chasm. As demons, we both had enhanced eyesight, including the ability to see in the dark. Even so, neither of us could spot a bottom to the endless darkness beneath us.
"So… the floor's not safe." I cleared my throat, squeezing my arm around Mia a little tighter as my heart hammered away in my chest. "That's good to know."
"Mmmmm," was my companion's only reply. She sat rigidly in my arms, tense and poised for action, eying the spot where she'd almost taken a tumble.
I had little doubt that she would have recovered in record time and then probably stuck to the wall of the chasm using her claws or something. Mia wasn't a damsel in distress that needed saving. In spite of that, I really, really didn't like the thought of what might have happened.
"How about we proceed a bit more carefully from now on?" I suggested, letting my mana billow out to probe the floor on the other side of the chasm as far as I could reach.
"That sounds good."
"I'm glad you agree, your cattiness."
She swatted at my arm, but after jumping across nearly four yards of nothingness, we did continue through the cave with much more caution.
A part of me was more than a little upset that our simple mission had gotten so complicated so quickly, with both the environment and our emotions working against us. But really, it was my fault. I had been entirely too positive about our long-term outlook when we set off from camp.
With the rest of my life to reference, I should have expected a much less comfortable experience.