Chapter 242: I needed a reaction from him
I was out of breath, kissing for so long and not planning to let go because of how good it felt.
It was almost as if I were under a spell.
I looked into Seo-Jun's eyes and he stared back. He looked like he had things to say but reserved his comments and just stared, sinking into the moment and trying to understand what exactly it was that I wanted.
The thought that the driver might have been peeking at us did not cross my mind because I was so entangled with my own feelings.
I don't think he would peek though.
The guards had great respect for the masters and would never try to do anything outside of their orders. They were literally robots.
So whatever we did was none of their concern and they wouldn't even move a muscle if they suddenly started hearing moaning from the backseat.
"Is there something you want to say to me?" Seo-Jun suddenly asked.
He was tired of waiting. He wanted to wait for me to speak my mind on my own because he clearly saw that I had things to say but then I was taking too long.
He must've felt that if I didn't open up now, I would stay reserved, and that was how the conversation we were supposed to have would end before it even began.
"Ah, yes." I said, rubbing my neck nervously. Here goes nothing, I guess. "Master, when I said I couldn't be honest with you, I didn't mean it the way you thought. I..." I pursed my lips. "I just didn't want to pick favorites, even if I did have a favorite."
I mean, I can't say it out loud. I can harbor those kinds of thoughts in my head, and there would be no harm done, but once I let them out and start picking favorites, the others would feel neglected.
There's no way a peaceful coexistence can work out if that happens.
"I actually did like your kissing. It was amazing, in fact." My cheeks blushed a bit. "I originally liked kissing, you see. So when you kissed me like that, so sweetly, I got so lost in it that I didn't want to stop. I can't even deny that I liked it." My heart was racing. "But when you asked to pick the best, I paused for a moment and began to think while looking at a bigger picture. A picture painted for the future."
I rolled my eyes down and then slowly rolled them up to peek at his expression. He did not look confused, shocked, or disturbed. He simply stared, paying attention to my words earnestly.
Even if he didn't understand, he would try to understand.
That was the first step he decided to take to understand me better. Just stop for a moment and listen.
Don't act first.
If you do that, you'll be able to respond in the best way after thinking carefully. After listening. After watching.
"I want to keep the peace, master. And because of that, I've treaded carefully. I'm calculative, as you said. I don't take risks I can't afford to handle. I... I'm paranoid for my own safety, but despite that, I've decided to leave my fate to my masters who care for me. So, I don't want to take that care for granted and create a situation where I'd have to choose. Please, understand."
Seo-Jun went silent and I began to sweat.
I had poured out my heart into those words and after saying them, I felt a bit anxious.
Had I said too much? He wouldn't think I was presumptuous just because I said I was looking towards the future, right?
But why wasn't he saying anything?
I needed a reaction from him.
Anything.
But he was simply staring at me with those eyes and saying nothing at all.
This was driving me crazy. If he was going to say something then this was the best time.
I pursed my lips.
"I..." He finally decided to speak and then grinned, causing my heart to skip a beat for some reason. "I really can't get it no matter how hard I think about it." He said, confusing me but he was laughing.
Was this a laughing matter?
I had just poured out my heart, you jerk.
This wasn't funny.
"I wanted to think deeply about your words and make all the sense to them but I guess I just can't do it." He said and held me.
I had one knee on the chair in between his legs with my hands pressed on his shoulders.
He held my waist tightly and then smiled at me.
"But from what I can tell, you won't treat me like I'm a pest from now on, right? As you said, all your masters are equal in your sight so that includes me, right?"
So, out of everything I said, this moron, I mean this master of mine, only managed to get that little bit of it?
Seriously, he was such a big brain and very intuitive, but he didn't understand my words? Did I speak in riddles, by chance?
I'm sure even the layman would understand what I just said, so why is he acting like I had spoken in Latin or something?
It was slowly getting me angry, but then I thought, what if the concept I'm pursuing was just too much for him to understand?
The concept of wanting to live in peace with my masters and not use something like favorites to ruin that balance.
Hm, or maybe he knew and he was just playing dumb.
He did say he understood that I was going to treat them all equally.
He was suspicious.
"Then, now that I understand your intentions and that you don't plan to hide things from me," he pushed his head forward as if aiming for my lips but did not go so far and said, "Will you now tell me why you looked so uncomfortable?"