Trapped In A Novel As The Breeding Mate For Four Powerful Alphas

Ki-hoon listened to my words, and while he wanted to ask or say something in between my words, he forced himself to remain patient until the very end.

He watched as tears rolled down my face and how I couldn't meet his eyes.

He watched as guilt ripped me from the inside, and how hard it must've been for me to keep this to myself all this time.

He couldn't understand at first but when he came to understand the level of responsibility I had involuntarily put on my shoulders, his heart began to ache.

I did not ask to be the subject of affection for four powerful Alphas. And my heart... It was so big that it was ready to accept all four of them but at what cost?

At what cost was I going to accept the love they had to give?

Some would say it was no big deal to be loved and one should just enjoy the benefits that came with it.

But are there really only benefits?

Just take a closer look. Take a really close look and see for yourself if the love of four rich and powerful 'jealous' Alphas comes with only benefits.

To the majority, probably so.

I thought the same as the majority at first, thinking it would be smooth sailing for me as long as I could wrap the Alpha's around my fingers but I got entangled.

There was no way to feel so loved and not catch feelings altogether.

And because I ended up catching feelings, I could not allow myself to reap the benefits while they tore themselves apart behind me.

I couldn't even pretend not to notice it. And that... Made my heart ache as if I had a wooden stake jabbed into it.

And as if that wasn't enough, there was this guilt that came along with it. I'm only human, so my heart can't help but feel mixed emotions when I have to deal with such things.

I came to understand it after thinking deeply about why I couldn't meet Ki-hoon's eyes. Since it only happened with Ki-hoon, I didn't think it was that at first.

After all, I received Min-Cheol with open arms and even talked with Jin-Yeok but nothing like that happened.

So when it came to Ki-hoon's turn and I turned away as soon as our eyes met, I found it odd.

So odd that I could no longer concentrate.

My feelings, my heart... They were all over the place, and just anyone could catch them, but it was not that easy to put them together.

I cried quietly, as my once-perfect and collected plan shattered in front of me at the reality of it all.

"Jo-Pil," Ki-hoon asked, pinching my chin and then lifting my gaze. "I can not pretend to understand every single thing that you said but if I am to make sense of it, I feel like I got the gist of it."

What did he get? If he didn't understand the entirety of it then the little bit he got would be a fraction of my misery.

"Jo-Pil, you feel like your efforts aren't enough, am I right?" He asked and I paused.

He actually summarized it all.

That... Was the entirety of it.

"And then, your emotions waver on certain bases, causing you to act in ways you don't wish to act." He added and I nodded, sniffing. "Is this something that began happening recently?" He asked and I nodded without even thinking.

I did not harbor such feelings from the beginning anyway, so these complicated emotions started recently.

"If I had to guess, should it be around the time you and I... Did 'that'?" He asked, his face a little flustered and this threw me into a deep thought.

Around the time I asked him to kiss me, huh?

I did act weird that time but it was because I was trying to overcome my trauma.

Wait, from that day, nothing felt natural anymore. It felt like I was always getting hot, and then I craved Jin-Yeok's touch, and then the wet dreams.

If... If what he's saying is right then was he trying to say all this was as a result of 'that'?

"I'll just ask one question and come to a conclusion." He said, stroking my cheek. "I'm not trying to undermine what you're going through or brush off the guilt you feel occasionally. Your feelings are very important and I respect them. To have handled these complications on your own this whole time, I feel I've been rather incompetent since I couldn't notice what you were going through."

"Please don't say that." I said. "Even I didn't notice the strange things until today. So there's no way you would've noticed it."

That's right. So, please, don't beat yourself up. It's the least I want right now.

"Okay, then let me ask my question."

What was he going to ask? He had already asked quite a bit of it and had already nailed my problems. This last bit... What was it about?

"Do you hold any of us in particular in your heart?" He asked, which took me aback. "Do you wish for someone's presence more than the others? Or do you crave attention from one specific master? You have to be honest, Jo-Pil. Only then will I understand this further."

What was he? A therapist?

Ahem.

I thought about his question deeply and to be honest, I couldn't even come up with an answer.

But one thing was for sure, I did not crave anyone more than the other. Just as I could think of Min-Cheol today and wish we could play all day, the next day, I could very much crave Ki-hoon's presence and hope he comes back early.

In other words, I liked all my masters equally but the affection cravings depended on my mood, I guess.

"I don't." I answered.

Ki-hoon nodded, and I felt I heard him sigh. A little sigh of relief.

"What conclusion did you get out of that?" I asked and he raised his head, looking at me with a relieved smile.

"There's nothing wrong with you, Jo-Pil. What you're going through, if I'm not wrong, are just signs of a heat period coming. In other words, you're going into heat soon and that's why you've been rather... Unstable."

(Um, tell him something we don't know. Who else had their suspicion? No one? Well, guess it's just me then)