Troublemaker’s Guide to Immortality

Yue Zhao remained silent for a moment before speaking in a steady voice, "Your modifications... I think they're very creative. Next time, if you have ideas like this, try discussing them with Master or with Second Junior Sister and Third Junior Brother."

"Just not with me."

How much more of this could his fragile heart take?!

"But Senior Brother, you said I was creative." Yun Jin's eyes curved with amusement. "I like people who praise me, so next time, I'll still come to you first."

Yue Zhao: "???"

"Thank you"? Was that what he was supposed to say?!

He took a deep breath. "Even if you've mastered all these techniques… cultivation isn't just about skills. Do you understand the nature of each spirit herb? Some love sunlight, others wither under it. Some need watering every hour, others melt at the touch of water. These things require systematic study. I've heard of people born with an innate affinity for plants—they can communicate with them directly, sensing their needs. It's a rare talent, like beast-taming affinity, coveted by all cultivators. Surely, Junior Sister, you don't…"

He trailed off, hesitated, then forced out:

"…Have that kind of talent, right?"

Then—

Yun Jin flashed him a smile so bright it could blind the sun.

Yue Zhao's heart plunged.

Why did he suddenly feel… impending doom?!

"I don't really understand herbs' habits," Yun Jin said a bit sheepishly. "But I'm so cute and kind, born with overwhelming charm. These spiritual plants might willingly change their nature for me, don't you think?"

Yue Zhao clamped his mouth shut.

Logic screamed at him to refute her.

But memories of that freakish raincloud made him hesitate.

"Then… try?" he said cautiously.

"Okay!"

Yun Jin cheerfully summoned Earth Control, loosening the soil, then tossed a handful of seeds into the air like confetti.

They scattered haphazardly across the field.

"Senior Brother, does this look good?" she asked.

Yue Zhao's face cycled through several expressions before settling on:

"…Do whatever you want."

He was a transmigrator.

He refused to become her hype man.

Yun Jin sighed.

Her senior brother was getting too cautious—emotional value was harder to farm now.

Next, she cast the New Minor Cloud-Rain Technique.

The rain fell.

The seeds…

Did nothing.

Absolutely. Nothing.

Yue Zhao's eyes bulged.

Was the heavens finally fair?!

Even Yun Jin's nonsense had limits!

"Junior Sister," he said, regaining some courage, "you've mixed herbs of all five elements together. They'll interfere with each other. Some combinations can synergize, but this… this is just chaos."

Yun Jin nodded sagely. "Senior Brother, I think these seeds are just in a bad mood. What if I… tell them jokes?"

Yue Zhao: "..."

After a very long pause, he gritted out:

"Sure. Try."

Yun Jin blinked. "I'm not good at jokes. You write some for me!"

Was she joking right now?!

But alas, as the senior brother, he was doomed. Yue Zhao reluctantly transcribed a few memes from his past life onto a jade slip and handed it over.

Yun Jin plopped down in the middle of the field and began:

[Planting Simplification: Tell plants jokes daily to boost their mood and growth rate. (Greatly reduces environmental constraints. Only works on Yellow-grade spirit herbs.)]

She cleared her throat.

"A famous cultivator and his disciple were searching for herbs in the wild. Suddenly, the disciple asked, 'Master, what should we do if we encounter a plant we don't recognize?'

The cultivator replied, 'To avoid that problem, I always walk in front... and crush any unfamiliar plants underfoot.'"

The plants didn't react.

But Yun Jin burst out laughing. "Senior Brother, you're hilarious!"

Yue Zhao buried his face in his hands.

Why did transmigrating grant him perfect memory?!

Why did his past-life cringe now haunt him?!

Today, he had become an unwilling accomplice to Yun Jin's madness.

As she continued narrating jokes with theatrical flair, Yue Zhao stared at his toes, praying for this torment to end.

Telling jokes to plants to make them grow?

This was beyond absurd.

Just as he thought that—

He glanced up.

And froze.

Yun Jin sat among the seeds, joking with a grin.

And around her, tiny spiritual plant shoots of all colors began sprouting.

Cloud rain continued to fall, and the seedlings greedily drank in the spiritual energy like little children.

"Metal... Wood... Earth... Water... Fire..." Yue Zhao murmured in disbelief as he watched the Five Element seedlings grow together in harmony.

Then, an uncanny realization struck him.

Could it be...

Was the harmony of the Five Elements the true Dao?

In the cultivation world, Heaven-grade spiritual roots were considered the best, and Five Element roots were mocked as the weakest.

But were Five Element roots truly trash?

He watched the seedlings absorb spiritual energy together, their elemental auras intertwining. Above them, under the gentle rain, a rainbow arched across the sky.

And there sat Yun Jin, bathed in its light, still telling awful jokes.

Yue Zhao's lips twitched.

Then, against his will, he laughed.

His junior sister…

Had never done a single normal thing.

But maybe…

This kind of abnormality wasn't so bad?

~

When the rain stopped, Yun Jin stood, shaking off droplets.

"Senior Brother, the plants seem much happier now."

"…Seems so," Yue Zhao said flatly.

"Boring."

"This sheep was out of wool."

"Time to target Second Senior Sister next."

"Senior Brother, write more jokes. I'll have Gu Jinghong come tell them to the plants later."

Yue Zhao nodded, emotionless.

Nothing in this world could shake him anymore.

He was now a cold, untouchable jade beauty.

"The herbs seem stable. Just cast the rain technique once daily?" he mused.

"Probably," Yun Jin agreed.

She didn't know either.

But surely, this was how a real planting master did things, right?

Unknowingly, she had already found the true path of a spiritual cultivator.

At that same moment—

Gu Jinghong, who had just drilled five disciples through a hundred repetitions of sword techniques, received a remote message from Yun Jin.

"Go to various herb gardens. Chat with spiritual plants of the Water, Earth, and Metal attributes. The higher their grade and spiritual energy, the better."

Gu Jinghong: "..."

Talk to plants?

By attribute?

Was his master mentally ill?

The moment that thought formed—

PAIN.

The contract's punishment seared through him.

Face ashen, he immediately suppressed all rebellious thoughts.

Only one sorrowful realization remained:

Once, he was feared as a madman.

Now, he'd be mocked as a lunatic.