Delusive Fate

#052

In this world, there are common-sense causal relationships, like coughing when you have tuberculosis or feeling dizzy when there’s a problem with your semicircular canals. And I have eyes to see and ears to hear on my face, as well as a brain capable of thinking and judging inside my skull. Although I think my frontal lobe might have some issues due to my rough life… Anyway. So I had anticipated it. If “this Ki Baek-woo’s” eccentricity didn’t end easily, I thought something like this might happen someday.

Ki Baek-woo’s recent state was all too familiar to me. It was like someone who has experienced food poisoning recognizing a food poisoning patient, or someone who has experienced depression recognizing a depression patient.

As someone who had countless experiences with symptoms similar to, no, even worse than Ki Baek-woo’s, the current situation wasn’t very surprising. Yeah, you can get nosebleeds at times like this. Yeah, you can lose your mind without realizing it at times like this. I just empathized indifferently. The reason I’m looking at Ki Baek-woo with contempt and thinking he’s pathetic is because of how long it took him to get to this state.

I mean… I get that it’s tough, but you’re like this after just a few days?

How weak is this bastard Ki Baek-woo? Is this okay for an S-class combat hunter? Is his height and build just for show, and he’s actually as delicate as… a cosmos flower that bends over when you blow on it?

Otherwise, how could he collapse like this already?

Looking at Ki Baek-woo wheezing on the bed, I was at a loss for words due to how pathetic he was. What a waste of his physique and hunter rank. How did he manage raids with such poor stamina? No, what was all that I saw before? When I followed him to gates, chasing after him, I clearly saw Ki Baek-woo flying around inside dungeons like a fish in water… Back then, he seemed fine even after fighting Destructions for days on end. How can he be like this already with that stamina?

“Are the stamina levels of this Ki Baek-woo and the normal Ki Baek-woo different too…?”

I couldn’t believe it. Even I, who’s closer to a dwarf turd anchovy compared to Ki Baek-woo, endured twice as much as this. Back in those days when I couldn’t eat or sleep, when depression and stress flowed through my body instead of blood, and I could barely breathe.

It would have been nice if the corpse-like Ki Baek-woo I found in the bathroom earlier had been a real corpse. But unfortunately, Ki Baek-woo had just fainted and was still very much alive. I suppose it would be funny if Jung Yi-dam’s man died so unexpectedly.

Anyway, Ki Baek-woo, who was lying on the tile floor with half his face covered in blood, looked like a scene from a horror movie.

‘Hey, Ki Baek-woo. Ki Baek-woo, wake up. I said wake up, you idiot!’

I tried to wake up the unconscious Ki Baek-woo by shaking him and shouting. Out of concern, I also slapped his face repeatedly. I did it because I was really, truly worried.

But no matter how much I fussed, Ki Baek-woo showed no signs of waking up. Even worse, his nosebleed, which seemed to have stopped, started flowing again. Seeing the nosebleed flowing not in one but two streams… it seemed that my enthusiastic face-slapping of Ki Baek-woo might have been a bit problematic. The double nosebleed soaked Ki Baek-woo’s already blood-covered left face.

‘Hmm. Well, bleeding in response to being hit is definitely a sign of life. He’s still alive and kicking.’

Feeling a bit sheepish, I mumbled and stuffed rolled-up toilet paper into both of Ki Baek-woo’s nostrils. He’ll breathe on his own, I guess. Thinking that, I lifted Ki Baek-woo to move him outside. And then,

‘Nnnngh…!’

I struggled to stand up. My knees were trembling like a 90-year-old man’s. I had underestimated Ki Baek-woo a bit since he’d lost a lot of weight recently, but it seems you can’t overcome weight class differences no matter what. Ki Baek-woo was still fucking heavy. It seemed like the Ki Baek-woo who had tried to crush me on the bed while insisting I listen to him hadn’t gone anywhere.

Shit, shit, shit! It’s like moving a whole cow, how can a person who’s skin and bones be this heavy? No, if you’re this heavy, shouldn’t you not collapse? Shouldn’t you live up to your size! Even a pathetic loser like me endured for months…!

Cursing Ki Baek-woo, I barely managed to get out of the bathroom. After that, I laid Ki Baek-woo spread-eagle and dragged him by his ankles. As I dragged Ki Baek-woo to the bedroom, I couldn’t help but think that if someone saw this scene now, they would seriously misunderstand. Ki Baek-woo, limp and soaked in blood, and me moving him like a heavy sack. An undoubtedly cruel murderer and a corpse being dragged away to hide the crime.

Anyway, after all sorts of trouble, I succeeded in laying Ki Baek-woo, or rather, the corpse, on the bed. The whole process was difficult, but pulling this bastard up onto the bed from the floor was the hardest part.

“Huff, huff… Shit, this is fucking hard.”

I sat down, squashing my butt on the edge of the bed, and caught my breath. I turned my head to look at Ki Baek-woo sprawled on the bed. I don’t know if he had fallen asleep after fainting, or if he had fallen asleep standing like someone with narcolepsy and fallen backwards.

Anyway, the space between his eyebrows was slightly furrowed now, as if he was sleeping. His lips were also slightly parted, perhaps because he couldn’t breathe well with the tissue stuffed in his nostrils. As I glanced at this, I thought:

I’m still such a sucker.

I actually brought this patient to the bed. Even though he’s been staying in the living room on his own lately out of consideration, I personally brought him into the bedroom with my own hands. Whether he collapses or not is none of my business. Why am I such an idiot?

Why does the realization always come after I’ve already done something?

Perhaps because I was tired from exerting myself to move Ki Baek-woo, my thoughts flowed pessimistically like water.

Looking at this, maybe I’m not dying unfairly. Maybe I’m subjected to such miserable deaths without basic human rights because I’m such a spineless, prideless sucker of an idiot? Hmm, that’s quite a plausible hypothesis. We don’t even need to go as far as animals or mammals. Even insects preemptively execute pathetic individuals, don’t they? Maybe in the human world, I’m that kind of ultimate loser in the grand scheme of things. Maybe I’ve been given the natural role of being eliminated.

No, shit, why am I having these thoughts again because of Ki Baek-woo? Although it doesn’t seem entirely wrong.

I clicked my tongue and got up. With my arms crossed and standing on one leg, I stared disapprovingly at Ki Baek-woo, who still hadn’t regained consciousness.

“Why are you doing things you don’t usually do? Are you Lee Han-sol? You’re Ki Baek-woo. Get a grip, you bastard.”

Act like Ki Baek-woo should. Don’t copy what Lee Han-sol used to do and make Lee Han-sol suffer, you damn puppy.

I knew why Ki Baek-woo had collapsed. It was obvious. Ki Baek-woo hadn’t been putting anything in his mouth lately. And when he forced something down under the influence of my torment, he invariably vomited. I recently saw on the news that eating disorder patients, so-called pro-ana, are emerging as a new social problem. When I saw that, I thought it was strange that such weird idiots were appearing when it hadn’t been that long since we could eat properly again after the Destruction, but it turns out that idiot was in our house.

Ki Baek-woo’s problem wasn’t just becoming pro-ana. This bastard also seemed to not be sleeping. The evidence was the lukewarm water that was always delivered as if on cue whenever I came out of the room in the middle of the night, scratching my belly, to wet my throat. Whether it was 2 AM, 3 AM, or 4 AM, the time didn’t matter. Ki Baek-woo always popped out of the darkness, looking as if he had never been asleep, asking, ‘Hyung, do you need anything?’ I had nearly had a heart attack more than once.

Well, even without that, it was something I could guess just by looking at that bastard’s face getting worse day by day. So it was natural for his condition to worsen. No matter how young and healthy, if you live like trash like that, your body won’t last. If you continue such habits, humans quickly fall apart. Just like Ki Baek-woo. I wasn’t surprised because I had already experienced this long ago.

Yeah, that’s not surprising at all, but the problem is that it’s Ki Baek-woo who’s like this. This Ki Baek-woo was becoming stranger and stranger as days passed, rather than becoming the ‘normal Ki Baek-woo’.

Why on earth?

No matter how much I racked my brains, I couldn’t find an answer to this unavoidable worry.

Ki Baek-woo had been like this from the first day. The bright morning after that night when I had hurled all sorts of insults at Ki Baek-woo for the first time in my life. From that time when the sweet and fluffy smell of pancakes filled the house.

That day too, Ki Baek-woo chewed and swallowed a small piece of cut pancake like sand, and his face still bore the aftermath of tears and sleeplessness. And in fact, the night before, as I rolled around on the bed feeling lighthearted, I had heard everything.

The sound of Ki Baek-woo sobbing, trying to suppress it but still leaking through. The muffled sound, as if he was covering his mouth, came intermittently, continuing even as I fell into light sleep, woke up briefly, and then fell back into deep sleep. I didn’t have any particular feelings about it. I was just a bit surprised that Ki Baek-woo was acting like this just because Lee Han-sol had said something to him.

And the next day, the day after that, and the day after that. As time accumulated, weariness piled up on Ki Baek-woo’s face in proportion. Ki Baek-woo seemed to know that his appearance was getting worse as time went on. Well, any human with eyes who can look in a mirror would know.

Maybe that’s why Ki Baek-woo shaved more diligently than usual, applied something to his face, and even styled his hair, despite being cooped up in the house all day just tending to me. I just thought he was being ridiculous. After all, he was just a well-groomed shut-in who had trimmed his facial hair neatly. Of course, he was differentiated from the general shut-ins we know in that he was a damn handsome and stylish shut-in…

Anyway, I’m sorry to say, but all of Ki Baek-woo’s efforts to pretend he was okay were useless. I could tell just by looking at his complexion. Because I had once had such an appearance to the point of being sick of it. I was Ki Baek-woo’s senior in being pro-ana and a shut-in. Of course, I’m not saying I was a handsome pro-ana or a handsome shut-in like Ki Baek-woo… Unfortunately. Damn it.

In any case, I had lived as a life loser who had ruined my health much longer, more frequently, and more seriously than Ki Baek-woo.

It’s not something to brag about, but I was someone who had died of starvation from not eating. I had also died from hitting my head after collapsing due to drowsiness from not sleeping. To my eyes, Ki Baek-woo in this state wasn’t surprising at all, and I wasn’t worried at all. I know. People don’t die from just this much.

I didn’t pity Ki Baek-woo lying there with half his face soaked in blood, but I did feel a little sorry for him. Not for any other reason, but because it seemed such a waste for this bastard to repeatedly do this nonsense in front of me.

If he did this in front of other people, everyone would be moved by the tremendous appeal of a ‘withering handsome man’. Those people would give him their flesh if he were a zombie, or draw their blood if he were a vampire. But why does he keep doing this in front of me?

As someone who had already experienced various miserable deaths, I had long since become a heartless person who couldn’t empathize with any misfortune people in the world experience. I didn’t even feel sorry for the starving people struggling to survive in some remote area.

What? There’s nothing to eat? The gate exploded due to a shortage of hunters and the village was devastated? I see. So what do you want me to do about it? If there’s nothing to eat and no money, you just starve to death, that’s all. I’ve been through that too, and it wasn’t a big deal at all. Are you all whining about being troubled by such things? That’s all due to lack of mental strength, lack of mental strength. Tsk tsk tsk.

I just had these kinds of old-fashioned thoughts about everything. It can’t be helped. Those with experience tend to be cold. So I scratched my head and tilted it. I had laid Ki Baek-woo on the bed for now, but…

“What… should I do for him now… Should I just leave him? He won’t die just lying still… Hmm. I’m not sure.”

I stared blankly at Ki Baek-woo, who was frowning painfully with his face still half covered in blood because I hadn’t wiped it. Ki Baek-woo kept gasping as if he was about to die, perhaps having a dream. Beads of cold sweat had formed on his forehead. He was also sleep-talking in a barely audible metallic voice.

“…No, hyung… hyung…”