Fatigue Syndrome: The Lassitude

“I’ve seen you often. You’re tall, so you’re noticeable everywhere.”

“Ah…”

“What do you need to eat to grow so tall? Did you accidentally hit the ceiling when you stood up?”

“…”

“Sorry. I meant I’m envious.”

He laughed cheerfully and lightly pushed me. I staggered from the unexpected touch. It was such a rough gesture that if my body hadn’t been tense, I probably would have fallen.

My lips were dry. I needed to say something. Anything… If the conversation breaks off, it will become even more awkward. Although he didn’t seem to care about it. For him, it was normal. I was the strange one.

“Uh…!”

“Huh?”

“I, I too! Often saw you! It’s… during lun…ch…”

Saying this, I felt pathetic. If I stop here, I’ll look like an idiot who can’t even speak normally, but to admit that I watched him play football every day would be… like a stalker. Although it wasn’t like that at all. I just looked out the window during the remaining lunch time!

Seeing that I was mumbling and couldn’t speak normally, he was the first to interrupt my hesitation. Gently.

“You saw me playing football? Cool, right?”

He suddenly brought his face close to mine. His beautiful face still retained youthful immaturity. Something like soft cheeks. The smell of soap hit my nose strongly.

Aren’t we too… close now? I nodded vigorously, squeezing my eyes shut tightly.

“Yes, you play well.”

“My skills aren’t that good. What about you?”

“…Huh?”

“Do you play football well? Or are you mediocre like me?”

A dimple appeared on his playful face. Although I didn’t understand immediately and annoyingly asked several times, he didn’t look angry, but on the contrary, explained friendly. My palms were constantly sweating, and I was furiously wiping them on my thighs.

Why aren’t others coming? Usually, they came at this time. Why are they so late today?

We were too close. So close that it seemed I could feel his breath. What if I smelled of sweat? I wanted to lift my uniform and smell it right now. If I was emitting an unpleasant smell of sweat, I was going to say I had something urgent at home and run away. I didn’t want him to remember me as a dirty boy.

“Not mediocre… I, football…”

I wonder if this is what they call “head spinning”? I completely didn’t understand the reason for my extreme nervousness. Only one thing changed compared to a usual day. The fact that the guy I saw from afar invaded my daily life.

But is that a reason to be so nervous? When I thought of the person in front of me as one of my classmates, my wildly beating heart seemed to gradually slow down.

No. I tried my best to appear calm. I wanted to keep him close to me with ordinary conversation. Even if we couldn’t become friends. Such a chance is unlikely to present itself again. What’s interesting about a person who can’t even maintain a normal conversation? So this is probably the last time.

“Football, I just play a little. I’m a defender…”

Even in this, we were different.

It seemed we had absolutely nothing in common. I wanted to continue the conversation, but at that moment, apparently, the academy bus arrived, and children poured in in a crowd. A noisy group, throwing bags on tables, giggled among themselves. This commotion was like a marketplace.

Several guys who noticed him headed in our direction in a crowd. He was popular. Because of this, our conversation with him abruptly ended.

“Choi Kyeoul! Why are you here?”

“Ah, it just happened. Glad to see you here, hyung?”

“Wow, this is nonsense. Then you can ride with us. It’s boring alone.”

“I don’t want to. I’m allergic to cheonggukjang.”

“This idiot is talking nonsense again. What are you even saying? And what do people find in you when you talk such nonsense.”

“Shh. Do you have a lot of money?”

“…Money? No!”

…Cheonggukjang?

Completely immersed in their presence, I deeply pondered the words of that guy. What did he even want to say? The guy who hugged him around the neck and held a football in his other hand was pushed away by Kyeoul’s hand.

The smell that I thought was coming from him now spread from the whole group. The smell of teenage hormones and a sour smell of sweat. The characteristic unpleasant odor completely paralyzed my nose. I barely held back from grimacing.

Ah… Is that what he meant? No, it can’t be. Is he criticizing so veiledly?

Forgetting that I was ashamed to look at him and had lowered my head, I stared at him. You… weren’t saying that because they smell bad, were you? Kyeoul, who was wrinkling his nose and casually smiling, as soon as the group dispersed to their seats, immediately turned to me.

Our eyes met. This time I didn’t look away.

“No matter how much you look, you won’t burn a hole. I’ve checked.”

“…Huh?”

“Nothing. I wonder if it will wear off if you touch it with your hands?”

He said this, rubbing his cheeks. He didn’t seem to spare his cheeks because his white skin stretched back and forth like dough. After touching his crumpled cheeks, he asked me with slight bewilderment:

“Isn’t it funny?”

“What’s… funny?”

“Strange. Others always laugh. They say I’m talking nonsense.”

“…You said to stop… looking, right?”

“Oh, you understood? Yes, I was hinting.”

“Then, maybe what you said about the allergy…”

I ignored his naturally thrown expression “hinting”. He might seem friendly, but when he criticized, he did it directly.

Although eavesdropping on other people’s conversations wasn’t something to be proud of, I couldn’t contain my curiosity. Were these really words of criticism? Of course, if you think about it, it definitely sounded like criticism.

Hearing my words, his eyes widened. It seemed that the distance between his eyebrows narrowed a bit. What does this facial expression mean? My curiosity only intensified. I wanted to study him even more.

Yes, I was curious. Very curious.

Soon he smiled slightly without answering. He put his index finger to his lips. Now I felt like I understood him a little. Even if it wasn’t so, what he was trying to tell me now was clear. Shut up. Don’t say too much.

I stupidly nodded again. He held out his clenched fist to me. Does he want to play rock-paper-scissors? Suddenly?

I naturally opened my mouth and blinked. His eyebrows moved even closer together. He took my hand lying on my pants, made me clench my fist, and bumped his fist against mine.

“Let’s greet with fists.”

“Ah…”

I had never done that before.

I almost showed paper. How embarrassing. I unconsciously rubbed the hand his fist had touched.

He, clearly dissatisfied, yawned widely. It would be strange if he wasn’t sleepy. How could he not be tired after such active football playing at lunch? If he was fine, he wouldn’t be human.

Looking at this, I yawned too. Although I wasn’t tired at all, just looking at him, I involuntarily repeated after him. Even the facial expression. It was very strange.

“You’re Kwon Ithae, right?”

He casually pronounced my name as if talking about something completely ordinary. Although it was just addressing by name, I felt strange. I nodded vigorously three times. He also nodded following me, and then made a strange chuckle “pfft”. I completely didn’t understand why he was laughing.

“Choi, Kyeoul… right?”

“Huh? You know my name. I thought you didn’t know. No, maybe you just found out by hearing? Ithae, you always walk looking only straight ahead with an indifferent expression. I’ve often seen you.”

“Uh… Where?”

“Where indeed? Just often caught my eye. Where did I see you? Maybe I constantly looked at you, worrying if your neck would break because your head touches the school ceiling?”

I wanted to say that I already knew him… But the words wouldn’t come off my tongue. Although it was just a trifle, nothing special, I was ashamed to talk about it.

Kyeoul stared intently at my face as if forgetting to blink. His head tilted slightly to the left. His hair easily scattered to the side.

Although there was a lot of noise from other children around, Kyeoul’s voice sounded distinct. So clear that I could find it among hundreds of people. It seemed as if you and I were alone in another space.

Kyeoul’s nose twitched. He didn’t seem to notice this involuntary movement of his. I also tried to repeat it. Since I rarely use these facial muscles, it wasn’t easy to repeat. Kyeoul’s eyes seemed to be directed at my nose.

“You could open a fish shop here, right?”

“Huh?”

“Ithae, aren’t you cold? Or do you also have an allergy?”

“No, just… I repeated after you…”

Kyeoul pointed at himself with a puzzled expression. This time I nodded slightly. Kyeoul made a strange sound “ngh…”. Again his nose bridge twitched.

…It was cute. He was like a white husky sniffing at something. Considering Kyeoul’s height, he definitely wasn’t a small Maltese.

“It’s fine for you, you’re handsome, but I can’t frown. I’ve been earning my living with my looks all my life.”

He brought the hand he was holding to the bridge of his nose and rubbed it. Although not a single wrinkle remained on his face, for some reason I wanted to tease him. The corners of my lips lifted slightly. Kyeoul, seemingly not noticing the expression on my face, pressed hard on his nose with a serious look.

“Oh? You have a wrinkle here…”

I pointed to the area around Kyeoul’s nose. He flinched and quickly took his phone out of his pocket. It wasn’t a domestic brand, but a product of a foreign company.

He started examining his nose in the black screen, turning it this way and that. I barely held back laughter, biting my lip. Wrinkles that weren’t there from the beginning won’t appear no matter how hard he looks.

At this moment, Kyeoul turned the phone towards me. Due to the angle of reflection, we looked at each other. Through the screen. A slight smile appeared on his lips too. Kyeoul’s lips moved. A silent conversation floated across the screen.

…a, o…

Fool?

The unexpected criticism hit the mark. I couldn’t hide my bewilderment. Kyeoul put down the phone and gestured for me to come closer. I involuntarily leaned towards him. He whispered quietly in my ear:

“Actually, I knew I didn’t have wrinkles on my nose, but I pretended for your sake. Well, Ithae? Do you want to be friends with me? If we become friends, I can make things even more interesting.”

A fresh smile bloomed on Kyeoul’s face. I stared at Kyeoul, forgetting even to blink. The noise of children was still in my ears, and my heart was beating loudly.

This was the moment when something small began to sprout in my heart.