Harry Potter: The Wizard of Apocalypse

Although it was past 9 AM, when Ian pushed open the door and entered the bar, several guests were already seated. It wasn't crowded, but it was a bit noisy, and the warm hall was filled with smoke.

"Hi! Another new face, and a handsome Ravenclaw boy. Dear, all Hogwarts students who come here for the first time are entitled to a free drink. That's the rule. Except for alcohol, of course. I don't want to receive a howler from your mother," said a soft, seductive voice as Ian entered.

Before he could gather his bearings, Ian turned to find Madam Rosmerta, the bar's owner, standing beside him.

She was a mature woman with long wavy golden hair, fair skin, and a graceful figure. Her appearance was marked by a few wrinkles at the corners of her eyes, signaling that she was no longer young. Her long lashes and violet lips were striking, but what caught Ian's attention most was the calm indifference in her deep sapphire blue eyes. There was an unsettling sense of danger hidden there.

Staring was impolite, so after a moment, Ian quickly gathered himself and responded, "Thank you for your generosity, ma'am. I'll have a glass of honey lemonade, two pumpkin pies, and a veal steak. I'll pay for the food."

"Ha! A perceptive little fellow, aren't you?" Madam Rosmerta smiled. "Wait a moment. You can find a seat, and the food will be ready soon."

Without saying much more, she turned away. Despite the subtle warning Ian had sensed, she wasn't a truly malicious character. That was part of why the Three Broomsticks had stood the test of time and remained popular among witches and wizards from all walks of life.

Once Madam Rosmerta left, Ian found an empty table in the corner and sat down.

He wasn't surprised by the sense of danger coming from Ms. Rosmerta. After all, this wasn't a fairy tale world. If a person didn't have some abilities, they'd be crushed underfoot.

After a short wait, his veal steak and pumpkin pie arrived, accompanied by a large glass of honey lemonade. Ian ate heartily, rewarding his already hungry stomach.

Nothing out of the ordinary happened during the meal. Ian, well-versed in the ways of survival, knew that keeping a low profile was the safest approach. He didn't ask too many questions, didn't eavesdrop, and didn't talk too much—adhering to the "three no" rules.

The food cost him 3 Sickles and 7 Knuts. After paying, Ian didn't linger in the Three Broomsticks for long. He chose to continue shopping in Hogsmeade. The main street had few shops, but that was understandable given the size of the wizarding population in the UK.

Even with a small number of wizards, Ian estimated there were at least one or two thousand living in Hogsmeade. If the population was too small, there wouldn't be a need for so many buildings. It wasn't a ghost town—no one wanted to play a game where houses were built but left empty.

One day wasn't enough to visit every shop, so Ian decided to focus on a few places mentioned in the original books, as a kind of nostalgic pilgrimage.

Zonko's Joke Shop was a favorite among Hogwarts students.

Ian was intrigued by this frequently visited store. It wasn't that he wanted to buy anything; rather, as he mentioned before, it was mainly a sentimental visit.

He was also curious about the magical joke items that seemed to captivate so many young wizards. He walked in to take a look.

The shop, not far from the Three Broomsticks, was separated by a few buildings. The exterior was similar to Honeydukes, with large transparent colored windows displaying various joke products.

As soon as Ian pushed the door open, a bell rang crisply.

"Welcome," said a man behind the counter. Zuko, a middle-aged wizard in his forties, put down the newspaper he'd been reading and stood up with a friendly smile that made Ian feel at ease.

The shop was filled with a variety of amusing gadgets. Ian moved to the window to inspect some of the items.

"Auto-answering quill pen?" Ian muttered as he read the name of one item.

"This is a quill pen designed for your most annoying subjects. It can help you answer most of the questions," Zuko explained with a humorous tone, playing the part of a salesman.

Ian smirked. "This is really good stuff."

He didn't need the pen, though; he enjoyed learning magic. The idea of selling this to him felt as absurd as giving Hermione the answer key for an exam.

Next, Ian's attention was caught by a broom with a description that read Runaway Broom.

"When a wizard tries to ride it into the air, the broom reverses and leaves the rider upside down. It has five modes, including wild spins and sudden stops that throw the rider off."

The broom could fly a maximum of three meters, and it cost 17 Galleons!

Ian raised an eyebrow, thinking, Ah, the easiest money to make is from women and children.

The price was certainly steep.

However, despite the outrageous pricing, Ian couldn't deny that the joke products were unique and clever.

For example, there was Frog Egg Soap—a reverse item. The more you used it to clean, the dirtier things got. There was also a biting teacup that would snap at anyone's nose if they picked it up, splashing hot tea in the process.

Ian spotted many other familiar items, such as Burping Candies, Wolf Tooth Flying Saucers, Dung Bombs, and Squeaky Gummy Candies.

Thanks to Zuko's superior salesmanship, or perhaps Ian's own awkwardness, he ended up spending some money. He bought two Frog Egg Soaps, a small box of Squeaky Candies, and three new models of mirrors, totaling less than 5 Galleons.

It was funny how an alchemical product like a mirror cost less than the prank soap, leaving Ian slightly speechless.

The rest of the day passed with Ian picking up various daily necessities and furniture. When he passed by a herbal medicine shop, he also bought 200 pounds of dragon dung. He hadn't forgotten about the small vegetable garden in the apocalypse. Since dragon dung was a top-notch fertilizer, he figured it would be a good investment.

By the time dusk fell, Ian had bought everything he could think of. If he'd missed anything, he could always come back next time—after all, no one could be perfect.

Returning to Hogwarts, Ian restocked the kitchen with more vegetables, meats, and fruits. Although they wouldn't last long, Ian had a power source in the apocalypse and a refrigerator he'd obtained for free from the mall. The food could last at least a week.

His main reason for buying the food was thinking of Irene. He could travel back and forth every month, and with his wizarding constitution, a month of simple meals wouldn't be a problem for him. But Irene was different. Eating the same food for too long would lead to nutritional imbalances. It might be fine short-term, but over time, it would cause issues.

It wasn't a big deal—just a little extra effort. In the monotonous world of the apocalypse, having someone to share your life with made all the difference.

Since Ian's return had a purpose, he'd borrowed many books from the library in advance. He planned to spend the month studying alchemy.

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