I am Peter Parker

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***

**Four years ago. Mary Jane**

After another argument with my mum about grades and my aspirations to be an actress, I stormed out of the house literally breathing out steamy puffs of anger.

- Why doesn't she understand me at all?! - I know what I want, isn't it the job of parents to help their children achieve their dreams?!

As I sat down on the porch with great resentment, I heard the sound of a lawnmower running. It was Peter. As of late, he's not in line to mow the lawn, he's the only one in line. As in other domestic duties. After all, his aunts, taking a crying Penny with them, have moved out.

- Yo. Pete. - that made Peter seem even more mature than usual. The distance between us just keeps growing, huh? Without Penny, I'm not even sure we're gonna be able to keep in touch.

- Hey. - he looked at me, which made me uncomfortable. I'm dressed casually in a tank top and shorts. And I got a stain on my T-shirt at lunch!

- What do you have? A porn junkie in your trousers? - Parker reacted to my crouched posture.

- No, I'm not! - I screamed and stood up.

- ...And hiding the white stain after use, I see. You shouldn't skimp on napkins before using magazines.

- It's mayonnaise! A mayonnaise stain! And I'm a girl, I don't get white stains! - I yelled all the way down the street.

- ... - and then I met a middle-aged woman with a pram. She shook her head disapprovingly without saying anything. I want to go under....

.....

- So? Did you have another fight with your mother? - Peter finished mowing the lawn while I was already sitting not only offended but ashamed.

- Hmph! - showing my resentment towards him, I looked away. It was his fault that that woman thought I was a pervert!

- I see, I fought over the porno magazine you hid, that's why I'm ashamed to tell you...

- No! - I protested for the second time. - Why does everything have to be about porn magazines?!

- It's a cycle of repetition for comic effect.

- What?! - I didn't get it, but now that I'm talking, I'll at least tell him. - We had a fight because my mum won't let me go to drama class. She doesn't believe in me at all, and she doesn't even want me to be an actress! All she cares about is getting stupid grades in subjects I'll never even use in my life!

- Okay. So you want to be an actress?

I nodded. It's been my dream since I was a little girl!

- Are you planning to move to Hollywood?

I nodded again. Not only move, but conquer!

- And studying is not important to you at all?

I nodded again. Since I had decided what I wanted to achieve in life, why should I know how to calculate Hooke's cosine through an integral?

- ... - Peter looked at me silently as I glowed with the flame of a dream in my chest. - Remember when I mentioned pornographic magazines?

- Don't you dare!

- Also a job, I suppose.

Unable to bear such mockery, I took off, chasing after Parker. I chased him, just like when I was a kid.

.....

Surprisingly, even without my kind aunts and play-loving Penny, I was once again a frequent visitor to Parker's house. The house itself had been transformed, more tidy, though it felt unlivable in places. Peter volunteered to help me with my studies, and that brought me closer to my mother and me. Even though Peter didn't talk and tried not to show it, he was really lonely. It made me wonder what would have happened to me if Mum had gone away and left me the house. I'd throw a party, of course, but then.... I'd miss her.

And then in class, little by little, Peter and I grew closer. I guess that's when he went from being the boy that all the girls in the neighbourhood had a crush on to the boy that all the girls in the neighbourhood really fell in love with....

**Real. Mary Jane**

And then, by some unexpected twist of fate, out of all the girls in the neighbourhood, he asked me out. Realising the gravity of the situation, I plucked up the courage to go to his house and ask him out.

- How long has it been since we've been out together? - and as a couple, we haven't been out at all. Shit, I think I'm starting to blush.

- Yeah, please, let's not give exact numbers, okay? - A glimpse, Peter's forehead was covered in sweat. Is he really as nervous as I am...?

**Mystic**

I'M SO SCREWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Peter**

- Umnhmmm!

...

- Hmmmmm!

...

- Ahh! Hamnhmmm!

There seems to be another consequence of excessive proms. Auditory hallucinations. Otherwise, how else can you explain...

- Ahh! M-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-mmm!

Moaning coming from my room. And not just any moans, but erotic moans! What's eroticism doing in my house?!

- А... I see. - When I opened the door, the picture became clearer.

- It's so hot. Ahh. It feels good... - Hairy was pumping her abs.

- Whoa! What's hot?! What feels good?! Does that even make sense?!

- Hmph! Of course, after a thousand presses, it's so hot, and when you finish the second thousand, it's a nice pleasure. - still offended, Sabretooth answered me.

Deciding to ignore her athletic exploits, I took my phone off the table to check my mail and calls. As I walked out of the room and slammed the door shut, however, there was an audible thud on the other side:

- Ugghhhh.... Ummm... Cumming!!! Haa.... Haa... What's next on the programme? - I honestly don't want to know what kind of noises she makes when she works out with a barbell.

.....

Most of my messages consisted of spam. Turns out they even send me a horoscope promising that I will soon fall in love with someone I know. Haa. Oh, these predictions are so much more boring than the "meet me" suggestions in the roleplay content. What was it?

"Languishing in desire, Hermione came close enough to whisper in Harry's ear for him to insert his wand into her secret room. Maria who lives near you is interested in your wand, please follow this perfectly safe link, or better yet send us the money directly, what are you, pathetic eh?"

- I miss the messages that offered me something to boost..... Even though more often than not it was breasts.

Speaking of small breasts, while I was relaxing in the living room, I heard Pyro in the kitchen swearing at the top of her lungs. Reluctantly, slapping my knees, I went up to look.

- ...What are you doing? - And why are these supervillains not doing so well? You should've picked others.

Pyro was building a pyramid of firewood in the centre of my kitchen while the microwave oven hovered over her.

- The wood won't burn without kindling. - and that's when I was on my way out.

- Did that embarrass you?!

.....

Pyro had just gotten up, and she was hungry. She was able to find the breakfast-dinner that Mystique had made for her, but there was a problem. She didn't know how to use the microwave.

- Where did everyone go anyway? - While the plate was spinning around inside the oven, Pyro resentfully folded her arms under her chest, well above her ribs, the area where she should have been.... - Hey, I'm getting angry all of a sudden.

- Must be the days. Tell me, how does someone who can't cook not know how to use a microwave?

- Hey, I can cook!

- Making beach packets doesn't count as cooking... - at least not until you start putting sausage gravy on them.

- You have to boil them?! - Piro tossed to me with genuine surprise. - Ahem! I'm actually good at roasting meat. And I'm good at frying potatoes. And I'm good at frying eggs. And I'm good at frying fish. All it takes is for someone to do all the other non-essential preparations.

*Bing!

.....

- So, where did everyone else go?

- NEWT's gone to the mall with Gabby, Mystique's gone to run errands, and Sabretooth's upstairs....

- Oh, my God! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

- Training? - I guess Pyro's not used to it, she didn't even bat an eyebrow.

We sat in silence for a while, Piro continued to eat her breakfast while I checked emails and calls. Turns out Rogue, Megan, Jubilee, Roberta, Kitty, and Uliana had added me as friends. How did they know my profile? I mean, I don't have a picture and my name isn't real. The old one was getting weird, intrusive messages.

- What is it, who are you texting? Someone interesting? - When I looked up, I almost bumped my forehead with Pyro. She was hovering over the phone across the table. - Ah... Your face... So close...

- And your hair in my cup.

- It doesn't matter! I'm bored, and if the others have gone, you entertain me!

- I'll have to go to the orphanage.

- What? - While Pyro was looking at me with a puzzled look, I was typing in the address of the nearest supervillain orphanage. However, for some reason, the internet was giving me the addresses of the nearest shelters.

**Piro**

- Here you go, here you go! - while I was professionally playing fighting games.

- You can't just push buttons indiscriminately. - Peter wins again.

- I'm just trying to understand combos!

- I'm afraid there are no start button combos in the game.

- You don't know that!

- Argument.

While I was mentally rejoicing in my victory in the argument, it suddenly dawned on me. I thought we agreed with the girls yesterday that we'd give Peter a quiet day! Well, they're--

Not very reliable, are they? Some of them have run away, some of them are only thinking of themselves in training, but I'm the only one who's selflessly honouring the deal. Or rather, I'm about to fulfil it. But just how can a girl calm a guy down, make him relax?

- Peter, what do guys usually do to relax? - I decided to secretly find out the answer.

- I'm not watching porn with you for three hours...

What?! Do guys need films that long?! I can see why Japanese films are so long!

Wait, this has nothing to do with that! Why was the first thing he thought of was obscenity?! Is it because he can't control his passion for me after all?!

"Kitten..." - that's what he called me before he stole my first kiss. In the time I've been living with him, I've let it go, let my defences down. But it's very likely that my blindness to his feelings is what's causing his stress!

What am I supposed to do?! Let him touch my breasts? Let him lick my nipples? Give him a paisuri? Am I morally capable of these things? Do I agree to let him touch my excellent breasts...?

A cold wind blew across my size one, almost two, breasts. Must be a draught.

But stop! What if it's not enough? What if he wants more?

- How about something co-operative and hardcore?

- I'm sorry, but my secret room isn't ready for that! - I couldn't take the pressure, so I ran away, completely screwed.

- We could play It Takes That. - I was so embarrassed I couldn't even hear his desperate call behind me.

**Peter**

Evening came, Mystique came back tired and at her wits end. So dinner was fed to everyone by me. Somehow I didn't even feel like complaining much tonight. I didn't even comment on Osborn's appearance at the table.

When I went to bed, there was still a slight smell of female sweat in the room. For some reason, I didn't find it bad, I even liked it a little, in a weird way.

- What are you doing? - I noticed that Sabretooth had laid herself down on the floor.

- Well... You know. - I was trying to think of something to say. - Haa. - and with a heavy sigh, I gave up. - You've been pretty jumpy these days.

Really? I'm kind of the same as I've always been, aren't I?

- And maybe it's because I'm disturbing your sleep. So I thought I shouldn't take too much advantage of your kindness. Anyway, from now on, I'll be sleeping on a cold, hard stone floor.

- А... Oh, I see. - I didn't comment on her dramatic description of my sex, but just lay down in my bed. - It's a double bed, what's the problem, just stay out of my way, that's all..." I muttered. - I muttered.

- The bed! - which was enough for Hairy to jump from the floor to the bed. I could have taken advantage of the situation and thrown her back on the floor, but.... I'm lazy, yeah, lazy.

- Good night.

- Mm-hmm.