in Tayvat as the god of creation

After getting up, I took a moment to gather what little information I had. The best way? Testing.

First, I checked my body - same hands, same fingers, but something felt… different. My skin was a lot smoother, and most of the little imperfections from my past body were gone.

including my flat chest. Yay, I'm no longer flatter than a piece of paper. still flat (barely a B cup), but it's my ideal body type, and I wasn't complaining

"Damn it, I thought so, but it's still annoying."

I still had access to my mana, but it was as weak as it had been when I was five - barely anything. And even worse, any access to external magic was completely cut off.

The best I could do was circulate it through my body to enhance my physical abilities - sharpen my senses, strengthen my muscles, and improve my reaction speed. But with how negligible my mana was at the moment, it was basically useless. Mana circulation was a high-cost technique, one I had only been able to abuse before because of my s̶t̶o̶l̶e̶n̶ absorbed mana from the lake.

Which sucked, because right now, my mana was basically useless - an energy source with nothing to spend it on.

Sigh.

For now, my only hope was that, as a Descender, I might be able to use the Statues of The Seven to gain an element. But there was also a chance that was just a unique trait of the actual Travelers, based on whatever element they had before getting cubed.

If so, then that'll make my life alot more troublesome. and less fun.

"Well, time to get going, I guess," I muttered, glancing around and trying to piece together my location using my shitty memory of the map.

I knew I was in Mondstadt. That much was obvious. But where exactly? That was the real question.

Looking into the distance, I spotted a familiar dirt path cutting through the greenery. Squinting, I connected the dots - I was probably somewhere between the spawn beach and the Anemo Statue of The Seven.

Which meant… if I just followed the path, I'd eventually hit something important soon enough.

--- 

"Holy fucking shit, finally," I groaned, staring at the Anemo Statue of The Seven, surrounded by water.

My journey here had been pure bullshit. I had somehow gotten lost - multiple times - while following a literal path. But after way too much trial and error, I finally found a way down the damn cliff and made it to the water's edge.

(In game, skill issue, irl still having a map skill issue.)

Staring at the water, I realised just how deep it was. If I wanted to reach the statue, I had no choice but to swim across.

"But I don't think getting wet is a good idea," I murmured, eyes locked on the figure ahead.

I groaned in frustration. "Agh, but I need to at least confirm if I do or don't have the Traveler's elemental copy bullshit power. Having Anemo would be pretty fucking useful."

Swallowing my discomfort about getting my clothes wet, I dove into the water and swam across, heading straight for the statue.

Once I made it to dry land, I quickly shook off the excess water, doing my best to avoid getting too drenched. I then approached the statue.

I pressed my hand against the symbol of Anemo at the base of the statue. The faint golden glow spread slowly across the surface, and six small diamond shapes began to shift, turning green. One appeared in the center, and five others formed above it, taking the shape of the Anemo symbol.

A soft breeze stirred around the statue, gathering around the ball held in the stone Barbatos' hands. Then, with a subtle shimmer, a small orb, marked with the Anemo symbol, detached from the statue and floated gently down toward me.

I reached out to grab it, but just before my fingers made contact.

[essence not prepared for absorption] 

A light purple screen, reminiscent of a manhwa RPG system, flickered to life in front of my eyes. The Anemo orb, which had been floating so serenely just moments before, abruptly turned red. Then, in a flash, it started to deconstruct, as if the world itself had hit erase. Bits and pieces shattered off, vanishing into nothingness, until there was nothing left but emptiness.

I stared at the empty space where the orb had been, my mouth still hanging open in disbelief. With a groan, I snapped it shut, muttering, "Of fucking course. Fuck me, why don't ya. Ugh." I slapped a hand to my face, rubbing my eyes as the frustration of it all weighed on me. Everything seemed determined to throw a massive middle finger my way.

"So now I supposedly have some sort of system, but it won't even let me fucking use Anemo? Essence not prepared? What essence? Do I need a fucking soul to sacrifice? Fuck meeeee." I dragged my hands down my face, feeling every single atom of absurdity that is in this situation.

.

.

.

"Fuck it, be positive. Let's just go genocide the neighbouring slime population." I muttered in frustration, turning away from the statue and heading back toward the water, ready to cross it again so I could find some stress toys.

---

Nearby the Anemo statue, I spotted a Hydro slime, minding its own business. Most slimes don't usually go after humans unless provoked, and the average Teyvat citizen would simply ignore them to save energy.

However, I am not your average Teyvat person. No, I'm a little shit who's absolutely fucking pissed off and in desperate need of a stress toy to mess with.

With no way to counterattack or even knowing what I was doing, I took the opportunity to kick the level 1 Hydro slime square in the ass. It shot across the ground like a ragdoll and smashed into a cliffside wall, splattering everywhere.

Stretching across my face was a feral grin as I relished in murdering that slime. its cold? watery? ...blood? splattering everywhere. Yeah, you get it. But in a split second, my face went completely neutral as I realized - maybe that was a bit much.

"Huh... really am a sadist, aren't I?" I mused, watching the remnants of the slime slide down the wall. But before I could spiral into self-reflection on how weird that was, the system chimed in once more.

[You have defeated a relatively weak opponent, you have obtained 20 EXP]

[first time living being defeated, statues opening.]

"huh? wait. it's not useless?"

Name: V̶a̶l̶e̶r̶i̶a̶ ̶B̶e̶l̶y̶a̶e̶v̶a̶ [please enter a new name]

LvL: 1 (0/100)

Race: human?

Title: fragment of creation

Talent: weaponary genius. Rapid Assimilation.

Skills: Adaptory Sword Technique - LvL 1 (0/1000) | Trigger Proficiency- LvL 1 (0/1000)

Speciality: [4th descender] [Mana capacity]

Exp: 20

I blinked at the screen, a little stunned. "So, this is... a system? Really?" I took a deep breath, trying to make sense of it all. "Well, this is definitely worth replacing elemental powers."

Staring closer, I realized that the crossing out of my old name meant the system probably wanted me to choose a new one. Pretty obvious, right? But there was one huge issue.

"I can't name fuck all!" I groaned, rubbing my temples in frustration.

The only pet I ever had was a cat, and I named it fucking Sneg. Guess what that means in fucking Russian? Yeah, snow. What color was my cat? Take a wild fucking guess.

White.

...

Fuck it, I have white hair, so...

[Are you sure?]

[Yes] [No]

I slammed my fist into "Yes."

A small loading bar popped up for a few seconds before the system responded:

[Thank you for your cooperation. Shiro.]

Yeah... I am not creative enough for names.

[laaaaaaazy~]

"Wait, you can fucking talk!??"

[...]

"..." I stared at it, waiting.

[noooooo?]

I stared at it longer, my eyes narrowing as far as I could, before shrugging. "Understandable. Have a nice day."

[:0]

...

A/N im leaning more and more into the crack, the abyss of never making any sense. anyway, comment if you enjoyed it, also give advice if you like more crack or less.

also, don't talk about ANYTHING about any type of ship. i am not dealing with that. i'll deal with that when it comes, because god knows if i have a plan.

if i don't know what i'm doing

you shouldn't either.

also if you didn't get it. shiro, is what in japanese? you guessed it. white.