Just A Friend

#41

“Can you see it before mom dies?”

“Oh, sorry. What did you say?”

“I asked if you’ll be able to see our son’s wedding.”

Why did mom bring up dying at that moment?

My face reflected in the car window hardened. A heavy lie flowed from my barely moving lips.

“…Well, I’ll have to. Someday.”

“Right? Do you remember? In elementary school, when you wrote about your future dreams, you said you’d meet a pretty bride and get married! It’s still mom’s phone background.”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“Bring a girlfriend over sometime. You know mom’s not greedy, right? I don’t need anything else, just seeing my beautiful grandchild is my lifelong wish.”

“…”

“Hmm, son?”

“…Alright, just make sure to take your vitamins properly.”

Nam Seonwoo, who had uttered a promise he couldn’t keep, finally lowered his gaze to his feet. But Seonwoo couldn’t take his eyes off the car window.

Kang Jihan.

Why are you there?

“Your voice sounds suspicious. You are dating, aren’t you?”

The figure reflected behind him was standing still, wearing black mourning clothes. He couldn’t tell how long it had been there. His mind went blank as if someone had hit him hard on the head. But the phone call continued.

“Well, you’re still young! Enjoy what you want to do, and when you feel it’s time to settle down, that’s when you seriously date someone. That’s how it usually goes. Everyone around here is already in an uproar? Saying they want to set up blind dates for our Seonwoo!”

He wanted to lower the call volume, but his body wouldn’t move an inch, as if it wasn’t his own.

Please. Please hang up the phone. Jihan is listening. He’s hearing everything, with that face.

Now he couldn’t even hear the call. Jihan’s face didn’t show any emotion. It looked similar to when they sent off his mother at the funeral, but somehow lonelier, making Seonwoo’s face contort just from looking at it.

Jihan in the darkly tinted car window was a perfect grayscale. Even after seeing the call end, the faded grayscale face didn’t approach. In the end, watching the back of him leaving without a word made it hard to breathe. Whether this was a dream or reality, it was painful to see him. But he couldn’t look away.

Because he would never see ‘that’ Jihan again.

So he kept his eyes on him until the end. Until the lingering afterimage of where he had stood completely disappeared.

*

*

When he opened his eyes, he was met with a warm-feeling white ceiling.

In the dark room, only a yellow lamp dimly illuminated the bedside. As he blinked, something hot rolled down his temple. The pillow wet with tears and the blanket covering his body were so cozy that they seemed to comfort him, saying this was reality.

The bedding smelled familiar. Wondering why he had woken up in Jihan’s room, Seonwoo carefully recalled the situation before he collapsed.

‘…It seems my head’s really messed up.’

Whether it was a soccer ball or a basketball, how could he faint from getting hit by just one ball? But when he collapsed from the shuttlecock, the hospital said there was nothing wrong. Then, could it really be…

‘Have you experienced any physical shock recently? …Like a car accident.’

Could it be because of that accident?

He wondered if, just as he had all the memories of his previous life, some derivative value from that life’s accident, a kind of aftereffect, remained. For a moment, he thought this didn’t make sense, but going back to the past itself was an unrealistic event to begin with.

‘That’s probably why even the hospital doesn’t know the cause. Because it can’t be explained.’

Seonwoo carefully sat up. Jihan, who had pulled a chair to the bedside, had his eyes closed. Judging by his even breathing, he seemed to be asleep. Looking at his body facing the bed and the wet towel on the floor, Seonwoo could guess the situation.

He probably thought he couldn’t leave him alone at home, so he brought him here. Somehow, it seemed he only collapsed in front of Jihan, which made him feel sorry.

‘If at that time…’

If Jihan had heard the phone call at the funeral.

He wondered if that was when he started feeling distant from him, but he couldn’t be sure. If it was his mother’s funeral, he would have been a freshman in college, so it was too long ago to remember clearly. But what was certain was that Jihan didn’t suddenly change his attitude one day.

During that long period of dating, Jihan gradually grew distant. Very slowly, like someone preparing for a breakup.

Somehow his throat felt dry. Thinking of getting some water, he carefully got up from the bed. Fortunately, Jihan didn’t wake up. Judging by the clock, it seemed to be the middle of the night, so he tiptoed quietly into the living room.

Arriving in the kitchen, Seonwoo fumbled in the dark. Just as he was about to head to the water purifier with the cup he had finally found, the light above his head clicked on.

“Seonwoo?”

It was Baek Heeyeon. As soon as she confirmed it was Seonwoo, she approached with a worried face.

“Are you okay? How do you feel?”

“Ah, Mother.”

“Oh my, look at your pretty face getting hurt. I was so surprised when I heard from Jihan. Auntie came late at night, you know.”

Heeyeon briefly told Seonwoo what happened after he collapsed. It seemed the infirmary had judged it was just a momentary fainting spell and not a big problem. When they just laid him on the bed without any particular treatment, Jihan took him to the hospital. Of course, the hospital couldn’t find anything unusual either.

“So he carried you home on his back, and then he was about to call the emergency room again at night. Because you weren’t waking up.”

“Ahaha…”

“Isn’t that excessive? To be honest, I was a bit surprised then too. Even though the hospital said you were fine, why did he go that far?”

His conscience pricked him. Even though she couldn’t know about his relationship with Jihan, for some reason he couldn’t meet her eyes.

Heeyeon brought him warm milk. The two, sitting at the table and chatting about recent events, kept their voices low for fear of waking someone.

Heeyeon had many questions for Seonwoo. She asked about his parents, career plans, values, and other subtle things, treating Seonwoo more like a ‘new family member’ than ‘her son’s friend’. For some reason, it felt like meeting a mother-in-law, so Seonwoo tried hard to change the subject. But in the end, all conversation topics returned to ‘Jihan and Seonwoo’.

“Jihan has improved a lot in expressing himself? It doesn’t seem like our son. Did the school give some kind of assignment?”

“High schools don’t give that kind of assignment. Jihan, that guy, he never listened before, but I guess he’s finally grown up.”

“So it was you who made him do it? And Jihan did exactly as you told him? Oh my. What’s going on with these two?”

“…”

Heeyeon giggled, saying they were ‘a match made in heaven’. While laughing along with her, Seonwoo felt a prick in his chest as if sitting on a bed of thorns. What would you do if I really dated your son… Especially after hearing mom’s phone call in the dream, such thoughts came to mind more strongly. Then, a small, warm touch enveloped his hand.

“Thank you, Seonwoo.”

I can really relax if it’s Seonwoo, she whispered softly before speaking again.

“Jihan… please take care of him.”

That statement sounded a bit strange. Was it just his imagination, or did it sound like a farewell? Seonwoo slowly raised his gaze.

Heeyeon was smiling. Like the memorial photo he saw in his dream.

Seonwoo lowered his head as if startled. Why was she smiling like someone who expected death… No, what an unlucky thought… It seemed his mind was a bit off because of the dream content.

As he lowered his gaze as if avoiding something, his eyes caught on the butterfly necklace. The pendant was faded as usual today too.

“If there’s anything Auntie can help with, just let me know. Whether you need something or are curious about something, anything.”

Looking at it, he remembered the meaningful words Jihan’s mother had said some time ago. He had forgotten to ask then because she suddenly collapsed.

“Um, Mother.”

Jihan wasn’t here either, now was the time. A chance to ask if she knew anything about going back in time.

“Actually, there’s something I’m curious about… It might seem out of the blue, but I thought you might know, Mother.”

She was a famous shaman, receiving love calls from well-known figures in political circles. Of course, Seonwoo wasn’t one to believe in superstitions. But in a situation like this, he had no choice but to believe, and if so, Heeyeon was the most suitable person to ask this question.

“Can a person suddenly… go back to the past one day?”

Silence fell after the carefully posed question.

Seonwoo glanced at Heeyeon’s face. She still wore a faint smile. As if she had been waiting for this question.

Seeing that face made him feel strange. But at the same time, he had an odd certainty that he had found the right person to ask. Soon, an answer came.

“Well. It’s not impossible, is it?”

It was an ambiguous answer. When he gave her a questioning look, she added:

“Auntie believes that anything is possible if you wish for it earnestly. Have you heard of Julie’s Law?”

Seonwoo nodded. It was a concept he once used effectively with his high school senior students.

A desire that takes root even in the subconscious is bound to happen inevitably. Whether in the form of coincidence or supernatural phenomenon, it will definitely occur.

That was Julie’s Law. However, hearing this term from the mouth of a shaman felt somewhat new.

“As expected, our Seonwoo is smart. Auntie likes that story because it’s so romantic. No matter how much I tell Jihan, he just dismisses it as superstition or whatever.”

She was right. Jihan had chosen a profession at the opposite extreme from his birth mother’s occupation. He was even skeptical of medicine, feeling that it wasn’t perfect either.

Seonwoo asked another question.

“Then, if you went back to the past, what happens to the original existence?”

It was because of a certain dream that came to mind.