Pestilence: Rise Of The Pure Undead

"Don't look at me like that… I couldn't have known that he was rigged with some sort of explosive that activates on death! I mean… What sort of lunatics turn an elite soldier into a bomb? It would have been much more efficient to do an actual ambush like anyone else would have thought!"

"What are you justifying yourself about? I am only making that expression because- I am covered in filth! Why isn't it turning into spirit life like the rest?! The guts and blood always turn into spirit life too, right? So why are we still decorated with guts and- I think you have a liver stuck to your chest, Merno"

"A liver? How the hell is it intact?!"

The swordswoman and mage had successfully came mostly unscathed from the blast, partly thanks to the fact that the knight had been partly submerged, and that the ground had thus absorbed a good portion of the blast, and also due to the fact that Hoffnu was basically as hard as a boulder and had shielded Merno with her body, whilst he himself had erected a barrier.

So at the moment, covered in gore, blood and dirt, they were both on the ground, the swordswoman on top of the mage with his arms outstretched past her sides as he had made a gesture in the heat of the moment to cast his barrier spell.

Eventually, Merno let his arms fall as he concluded that there was no more danger.

"I guess that since the blood and bits of exploded flesh got into contact with us, that the realm considered that they were our 'haul', like, that it assumed we were going to eat it, so it just left it for us to enjoy" he supposed.

"Ah, that makes sense actually, the invaders tend to disappear faster, but I suppose some of the rules still apply to their remains…"

The mage cleared his throat.

"Hoffnu?"

"Yes?"

"We can get up now, you know?"

"...You're right, it would be a bit too gross anyways…"

"What would be too gross?"

"Nothing in particular- I know, we should go get ourselves cleaned up, there isn't anything good about being covered in the intestines of a guy that worshipped corpses, right? I know a warm pond is not too far away after we pass over the barrier…" she rose up and helped the mage do the same.

"I could cast my spell of cleansing, I got it to work just recently-"

"Nothing beats a warm bath after a battle, let's go!" she slammed down her palm on his shoulder and began walking, pulling Merno along.

After all, there was nothing else to do here, especially since the sound of the knight exploding would probably be attracting the attention of other living soldiers, or perhaps of emerald beasts, neither would be great news, the creatures of the realm may be more prone to cooperate against the invading force, but that wouldn't stop them from grabbing a denizen as a snack if need be.

And anyways, their enemies never left any piece of equipment behind, it all vanished when they died, so the duo made their way out of here, soon passing through the barrier, Hoffnu led the way, or rather, she pulled Merno by holding onto his arm.

"You know… I was expecting that we were just going to swing by the regular warm ponds, not go into an uninhabited area to a pond that is hidden behind thick vegetation" commented the mage, casually trying to step away but unable to as the swordswoman's hold onto him was too firm.

"A warm pond is a warm pond, this one will work all the same, am I right? Now take off your clothes-" the mage wanted to say something, but Hoffnu spoke too fast "-Once the blood and bits of flesh and whatnot separate, they should dissipate into spirit life, right? So let's start by submerging our clothes!"

"..."

"..."

The both of them were sitting in the pond, Merno looking straight ahead, whilst Hoffnu seemed like she was going to take a nap.

"Welp… The filth and grime is all gone, so…"

"Merno, you surely aren't that freaking dense, we've been doing this bullcrap for nearly a decade now, we aren't even remotely children anymore…"

"Are you sure? I mean… I know it was an enemy, but right after we killed another person is a bit…"

"Quite contrary, right after battle, I am getting all fired up! Come on… I made sure that no else ever went to this pond… I am all yours!" Hoffnu moved closer to him in one swift motion, making the mage swallow his saliva, not having expected that the daily expedition outside the barrier with Hoffnu would end up like this, but he would be lying if he claimed that he wasn't happy about it, although they definitely made a good team, the real reason he spent his time with her was because he simply liked her.

However, once they were shoulder to shoulder, Hoffnu's eyes looked away.

"I have been feeling quite jealous of all the other girls, you know? Almost everyone has something going on…"

"...I may be all muscular and warrior, but I am still a lady, so… Huh… Make the first step, alright?" she closed her eyes and slightly puckered her lips, making Merno's heart beat faster, he himself had also been meaning to take their relationship to the next level, but was too awkward and much too worried to mess things up.

With the occasion presenting itself in most clear details, he steeled his resolve and put his hands against her stalwart shoulders, the swordswoman slightly jolting at the physical touch.

'Alright… Here it is…'

"Whoa, am I interrupting something?"

Both Merno and Hoffnu turn to the source of this intruding voice.

"Rummy…"

"That's my name! I was wondering where you guys were… The Emerald Heralds and Divine Dancing Priestesses have invited all of those capable of fighting, you know, to discuss the new guys that arrived on the opposing side? There are a bunch of weirdos that are doing weird stuff! Why are you looking at me like that? It's alright! No need to be so embarrassed, you two can continue to make out after I leave, the meeting is only in a few hours- Aren't you two adorable together? It was pretty obvious that you were into one-"

"...Rummy…"

"Alright, I feel killing intent now, it's not so funny anymore… I am backing away! My hands are raised up in surrender… You can stop channeling that spell, and you can stop acting like you are going to throw this sword at me- Oh look, I am disappearing behind the bushes! And my steps will be loud enough that you can clearly hear me leaving the vicinity completely!"

"And consider me as godmother for the child!" shouted the vampire hunter in the distance.

"..."

"..."

"Mmh… Do you…?"

"Merno, I am not waiting any longer! Come here!"