Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu web novel

　--The body is formed.

　Flesh that had been torn off, skin that had been torn away, bones that had been gnawed to shreds, nerves that had been chewed dry, blood that had been licked, and souls that had been trampled on by vicious appetites - all of these were restored to their original form.

　The sensation reached his fingertips, and from there Subaru's whole body began to spasm.

　Subaru writhed on the dusty, cold, hard ground, groaning as white foam spewed from the corner of his mouth.

　Pain, none. Sense of loss, none. The limbs continue to the torso, and no physical damage has been done to the mind that is aware of it, or to its contents. Thoughts are vague from waking up, but that too will clear up in a few seconds, with the promise of uncertainty.

　Despite this, Subaru's body and consciousness were unwilling to return to the reality he had returned to. That is how horrific the events that had taken place before his return had been.

　Who has ever experienced being invaded through the mouth and having all of your intestines eaten? The sensation of having your skin peeled off like a competition, exposing the dark red muscle underneath, and having a rough tongue scrape away the pink fat.

　It was like a waking nightmare, in which his brain refused to feel pain, and although it was his own body, he was able to objectively recognize the reality of being "eaten," as if it were someone else's.

"Buu, buu, buu..."

　Subaru felt the urge to vomit, but all that came out of his dry stomach was yellowish stomach juice. The bubbles that spewed out mixed with something sour, and Subaru continued to convulse as he lay on his side.

　Like he was having a seizure or a fish that had washed up on land, it was not Subaru's will but his soul that chose to reject reality.

　Who could tolerate having their existence devoured? Who could blame Subaru for returning like this, knowing full well that he had been devoured?

　What fate had brought this upon me, and whose plot had it been?

"――――"

　Consciousness is flickering.

　I couldn't even tell if my eyes were open or not, I couldn't regain control of my body.

　His soul was refusing to live in reality. Far from allowing his consciousness to choose, his soul would not even allow Subaru to stand before the choice.

　Subaru's body simply continued to drown in a sense of despair, as if forcing him to tremble at the ``lost facts.''

　--why.

　If there was one definite word in Subaru's mind, it was only one.

　--why.

　What happened? What happened? Why did it turn out like that? Why did it have to turn out like that? What is happening to me now? What does the person I am now have to become? What should I do from now on?

　--Why, why, why, why, why.

　Faced with a proposition that has no answer, and whose question is not even clear, the soul screams out loud.

　--Why! ​​Why! Why!

　And he continues to ask questions that have no answers, a pathetic and refusing to give up.

　Drowning in reality, tormented by nightmares, losing sight of the way in life, asking "why?"

　That was preciselyーー,

"Again, you've qualified."

　As Subaru trembled, the voice whispered in his ear.

　A high-pitched, bouncy voice. Even if Subaru could hear it now, he couldn't quite grasp its meaning. But it was a voice that reverberated deep inside Subaru.

"Invite me to the witch's tea party"

　The next moment, Subaru's consciousness, which had just returned, once again lost all sense of reality.

※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※

　A refreshing breeze reminiscent of summer was blowing across the hilltop, covered with lush green grass.

　The cool breeze ruffled Subaru's bangs and the green of the tall grass as he raced over the hills, past the grasslands, and into the distance, into the blue sky where white clouds were dancing.

　Lightly touching his bangs, which were being tickled by the invisible object, Subaru squinted his eyes in the dazzling sunlight, then slowly lowered his gaze and looked ahead.

　Before he knew it, he had been forced to sit on a rocking armchair-like chair. Opposite him, sitting cross-legged on a similar chair with a small white table between them, was a girl whose hair and exposed skin were all painted white, clad in mourning attire that overturned that impression――no, maybe that wasn't the right name to use.

"After all, she's a witch who has been lazing around for over four hundred years..."

"You caught a girl, that's quite a thing to say. In my case, I was about 19 years old when I died, so I'm sure she was a young girl who would suit you."

"The age of 19 is a pretty heavy thing to say. Also, don't put yourself next to me with your nonsensical evaluations. Saying that she and I are a good match will make my belly button boil."

"Oh my, my... I wonder if I've been rejected?"

"That's terrible. I'm telling you not to underestimate yourself. I'm aware that I'm a guy at the bottom of the barrel. Being a good match or being balanced, those kinds of evaluations aren't something that the other person has to come down to, it's something that I have to rise up to earn. I haven't gotten anything worthy of that yet."

　Subaru spoke as he opened and closed his fists on his lap and looked up at the sky with a bitter look on his face.

　Hearing this, the witch - Echidna rested her chin on the white table and looked Subaru up and down as if observing him,

"You seem to have a pretty low self-esteem."

"When you're surrounded by a lot of people, it's easy to naturally pick up the habit of tilting your head up when you talk. I'd like to think I've at least graduated from that awkward habit of not even noticing that I'm looking up."

　Reflecting on his past, Subaru clenched his fist.

　He cracked his knuckles with his grip, took a deep breath, and then

"So... how did this tea party invitation come about?"

"It's not difficult. I am the Witch of Greed, the embodiment of the desire for knowledge. The desire to seek and desire is pleasing to me, and if it is a desire to know, a lament that asks why, then that's the best."

　As she spoke, she brought the white cup on the table to her lips.

　She swallowed the contents of the cup with a throaty grin and smiled faintly.

"If I had to say, I'd like you to understand that it was your own actions that caused this, wishing for such a thing in a place that had easy access to my castle."

"Don't use such complicated language... Anyway, for now I won't say anything about being invited to the tea party. There's something else I want to ask you."

　Waving his hand and cutting off Echidna's pompous words, Subaru leaned forward. He glared at the beautiful white face before him, never taking his eyes off it,

"What happened to me?"

"You understand that yourself, don't you?"

"Understanding and accepting are two different things. I think I understand what the situation was like objectively, but I can't connect that understanding with my current state."

"What do you mean?"

"My mind went haywire and I was drowning and foaming at the mouth on land, but here I am, properly dressed and at the very least able to hold a conversation. It's only natural to assume that you have some hand in it."

　As they engaged in light-hearted conversation, Subaru's mind was racing, trying to understand the current situation.

　Thus, being invited into Echidna's dream world known as the tea ceremony, at the very least, he found enough room in his mind to let those thoughts run through his head.

　Now that he had time to calmly think things through, he understood the dangerous state Subaru's body was in in the real world before he entered the dream world. It wasn't that he didn't feel uneasy about leaving his body, which was going through a kind of shock, behind and being here with only his mind, but...

"The last time I attended your tea party, I woke up in bed, so I don't know, but what about the amount of time that passed? Well, anyway, the outside world is…"

　Thinking about it, Subaru realized that a place like this was not the time to be relaxing and sipping tea.

　--Subaru, who had simply been convulsing from the shock, was unable to ascertain the time when he returned after "Return by Death."

　What's worse, they can't even confirm where the bubbles were coming from.

　Burning with regret, all too late, Subaru kicked his chair to his feet,

"Echidna! Get me out of here right now!"

"It's disrespectful of you to leave a witch's tea party without even taking a sip of tea. You should think a little more carefully about what kind of existence I am in front of you."

"I don't have the time to listen to your stories! Let me out right now! While we're at it, let's go outside..."

"So you failed and came away empty-handed, and now you're leaving here empty-handed again... are you planning to go through the same pain and loss all over again?"

　Unable to contain his excitement, Subaru raised his voice at the leisurely Echidna, who asked him in an emotionless voice, as if pouring cold water on him.

"...ah"

"I admire the act of taking on challenges in order to get results. Whether it's a desired result or not, I think there is beauty in the process of trial and error required to get a result. To me, not losing that spirit of challenge is a noble and honorable thing. However."

　Echidna raised her finger at the stammering Subaru and continued haltingly, narrowing her eyes.

"Disregarding the previous results and following the same path to reach the same conclusion... I want to estrange myself from such actions that desecrate the accumulation of knowledge and those who do it with contempt."

"You...are..."

"By the way, to answer your question... the time outside right now is the time immediately after you overcame the first "Trial" of the Tomb. Fortunately, the flow of time is different here and outside. Just having tea with me here won't leave you too far behind in time."

　Echidna eliminated Subaru's concerns and the things he wanted to know one by one.

　If she was to be believed, the time outside was immediately after the first 『Trial』ーー in other words, there was no change to the restart point of 『Return by Death』.

　Subaru's body, left behind at the tea party, is likely abandoned in the Tomb's Trials chamber, beside Emilia, who is still fighting the Trials.

　Not that he was swallowing her words at face value, but being informed of the facts by a third party did more than help calm Subaru down from his impatience.

　And once you feel relieved and at ease in your heart, the next question that arises isーー,

"Echidna... how much do you know?"

"If there's anything I know, then I know everything I know. If there's anything I want to know, then I want to know everything in this world."

"Don't make fun of me, this is an important matter. For example... yes, you said earlier that this happened right after the first "Trial"."

　The first "Trial"――even that now feels quite far away.

　After saying goodbye to his parents in the fantasy world, Subaru is greeted by Echidna in the deserted school building. After a brief conversation with her, Subaru returns to reality.

　After that, various circumstances that are too numerous to put into words occurred before we reached the current situation.

"If we ignore that, then we'll be meeting again soon after we parted ways..."

"That's right. Certainly, the time we were separated was short, not just in real time, but even in the way we felt, which may differ from the actual time we saw each other. It would only take a few minutes for us to see each other again."

　"How much do you miss me?" Echidna jokingly said, laughing. Subaru ignored her lighthearted remark with a blank look on his face, and she disappointingly shrugged.

"It seems like you're not reacting the way I want you to. I feel frustrated and happy that things aren't going the way I want them to, so I have mixed feelings."

"When I have time, I'll take my time to explain your complicated maiden heart. But more importantly…"

"I think that if I'm in the mood to celebrate our soon-to-be reunion, it'll make my mouth water. Well, I guess it can't be helped if my feelings get distracted. Because."

　So Echidna stopped talking for a moment.

　There was a brief pause for breath, during which she cast a sidelong glance at Subaru with her dark eyes, and for that moment, Subaru was unable to read what emotion had passed through those eyes.

　However, Echidna smiled sweetly, welcoming Subaru's confusion,

"Unlike me, whose separation lasted only a few minutes, for you it will be a reunion after a gap of hours, no, days -- that's how it will turn out."

※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※

　Repeating Echidna's words in his head, Subaru came to understand that there could only be one way to interpret it.

　Looking at the way he was speaking, and the meaningful look in his eyes and smile, there was no way his perception could be wrong.

　She - the Witch knew. The remnants of the future that Subaru's soul had accumulated, that should no longer remain anywhere in this world, that he had missed out on.

"Why...!?"

"I will answer that question like this. This is my castle, and I am the Witch of Greed. I haven't shown it to you yet, have I?"

　As Subaru narrowed down his questions, Echidna tilted her head and held out her right hand.

　And as light descended onto his palm, the light soon took shape - and a book with a pure white binding was born.

　A book the size of a dictionary with no title or anything written on it. Aside from its color being pure white, so white that it hurt his eyes, the shape of the book only brought back unpleasant memories for Subaru.

"That can't be... the 'Gospel', can it?"

"My, even without relying on this book, I can tell what you're thinking from your face. It's as if your face is saying, 'You too?' I think I can deduce to some extent what kind of experiences you've had outside…"

　Reading Subaru's thoughts from his face, Echidna gently opens the white book in her hands. Then, scanning the inside, she nods several times, following the words with a "Hmmmm",

"I see, I roughly understand it. There are some parts I can't follow, but I can fill in the gaps by reading you yourself. ...Yeah, it's really nice. This feeling of filling in the missing pieces, this indescribable sense of expectation as you get closer to the answer. It's this that gives meaning to life after all...!"

"...You're probably already dead."

　Subaru was overwhelmed by Echidna's passionate words and barely managed to interject. Hearing this, Echidna played with the ends of her white hair with her fingers, with a sulky look on her face,

"When things are ruined like that, it's hard to be motivated, even if it's the truth. Anyway, I'll ease your worries. This book is not the 'gospel' you remember. It doesn't describe the future or optimal solutions. It's just facts."

"fact...?"

"If the 'Gospels' are spoken of as books of prophecy, then this one I have should perhaps be called a history book. It has no fixed form as a book, it is always vague, ambiguous and hazy, it is no book at all, it could be any book, it could become any book... This book, which simply records facts on its blank pages, was called the 'Book of Wisdom' by the people of the world 400 years ago. However, this is what I call it."

"――――"

"---The world's memories, you say."

　It's an exaggerated name, but it has the power to live up to it.

　If what she said was true, then the book could read anything, no matter who it was, about anything, as long as it was a history that had already happened in the past. It was indeed an incredible cheat ability when it came to gathering information.

"Although, I don't really like relying on it. After all, it burns the contents you see directly into your memory. It's a magic book that skips the process of 'knowing' and rewrites it to 'I knew' - for someone who is curious, it's hard for me to judge the value of this book that skips the process of knowing."

"If you don't need it, you can give it to me. There are plenty of ways to use it. In fact, if you have it, it could be a clue to solving your problem..."

"You'd better quit if you don't want to become a wreck."

　Echidna cut off Subaru's optimistic suggestion and held up the white-bound "Memories of the World" in front of Subaru's face,

"Even if it seems harmless, it's a witch's tool. A normal person's brain would be burned out by the amount of information burned into it. It's best not to read it."

"Then don't hold this out for me like that, it's scary!"

　The degree of dejection is steep when you realize that this is a solution that is beyond your reach.

　Pushing the magic book back with her palm, Echidna waved her hand again and transformed it into particles of light. Putting aside the point that it didn't take up much space on the bookshelf and was easy to store, Subaru was convinced by the amount of knowledge she had.

　With this magic book, it's true that it would be possible to reduce the amount of "things I don't know" to an absolute minimum. Although, it might be a witch's unique way of thinking that she doesn't like to do that.

"But if you understand that, then let's get this settled. Right, Echidna. You tell me about my situation... and then you die..."

　Subaru was about to say "Return by Death" when his throat suddenly froze.

　However, that wasn't due to the inevitable penalty that would come if one tried to utter something forbidden.

　In front of the frozen Subaru, Echidna waited in silence, her white hair swaying in the wind, as if waiting for something to be said.

　The more she felt that it was less witch-like and more compassionate, the faster her heart beat and the slower her tongue slid along instead.

　The thing that froze Subaru's voice was a primal emotion - fear.

"Haa... haa..."

　Subaru had had the opportunity to utter those forbidden words countless times up until now.

　Residing within Subaru is the authority of "Return by Death".

　It is difficult to judge whether it can even be called an authority, and it forcibly prevents anyone from conveying their situation to others. And it does so with an unreasonable and compulsive force that directly attacks the heart, making it impossible to resist or endure.

　And once, those poisonous fangs fell not only on Subaru, but also on Emilia, who had tried to confide everything to him. Subaru will never forget the sense of loss and grief he felt at that time.

　It was one of the few times I've ever felt so keen to die, to disappear.

　It was a fact that he could not say that he had never experienced such regret, that his own foolishness had piled up so much bitterness and anguish. It was pathetic, it was regrettable - and yet, Subaru's heart was timid and he was afraid to take a step forward.

　It's not that I'm scared of my heart being hurt. Of course, I'm scared of pain. But if that's a necessary sacrifice to bring about the future I desire, I'll bear it as hard as I can.

　What Subaru feared was that by disclosing this information here and now, those black fingertips might fall on someone other than just Subaru.

　"No," Subaru shook his head.

　During the battle with the White Whale and during his showdown with Petelgeuse, Subaru had uttered those forbidden words in situations where other people were present.

　When one is drawn into an unreasonable situation, the words he or she was about to confide are interrupted, and the rest are thrown off into a world where time has stopped. Therefore, he or she is never questioned.

　No one has ever fallen victim to the dark hand of evil, someone searching for the meaning behind the lost words.

　--Except for Emilia.

"――――"

　Feeling lighter in his arms, memories of the silver-haired girl come back to him.

　If I were to experience that sense of loss again, this time it would be unbearable.

　I'm surprised I didn't go crazy then. I'm surprised I didn't go crazy after killing Emilia and walking around with her body in my arms.

　So sinful. So horrible.

　And so fear gripped Subaru, making him hesitate to say it here.

　The person before him was the witch Echidna. To be honest, it would be presumptuous to even compare their relationship to Emilia.

　Even if her heart was crushed, Subaru would never feel the same despair or sense of loss as he had felt in that moment, which was an extremely calculating prediction.

　The reason why Subaru was still unable to act was because he was too soft-spoken, and at the same time, the conditions were so different from before that he felt a strong sense of anxiety about the unpredictable outcome.

　When dealing with an opponent ignorant of 『Return by Death』, the forbidden words tore at Subaru's heart.

　When he tried to confide in someone important to him about 『Return by Death』, the forbidden words crushed that person's heart.

　So what would be the outcome if Subaru were to reveal this to someone who had seen through his『Return by Death』from a different angle?

　Will Subaru be the only one to suffer, or will the evil hand reach out to the being before him?

"Just try it and see."

"---!?"

"Taking action to achieve the results you desire is a noble thing. That belief will never change. And I believe that those who take action are the ones who find life worth living."

　He was unaware that the result of Subaru's hesitation, or that the damage might be directed at him―― No, that was not the case.

　The Witch had likely seen through Subaru's concerns.

　And the witch herself knows that she cannot see the outcome. But the fact that she can still say it is because she truly believes in the conviction she has just spoken.

"You might not have time to regret it..."

"When that happens, I hope you'll break down and cry in front of my body."

　Subaru refused to make a choice until the very last moment, but Echidna responded with a carefree attitude.

　Even that attitude was likely a consideration to prevent any unnecessary circumstances from interfering with Subaru's decision.

　Rather than being out of consideration for Subaru, I think it was her sincerity towards the outcome that would come from her decision.

　It's not something that's expected or desired.

　Subaru was encouraged by her desire for just possibility, for the possibility of an answer.

　A way of life in which one has no doubts about the reason and meaning of one's existence.

I know I can't live like that, but I feel saved by that strength.

"Echidna. I will use 『Return by Death』――"

　And then he utters the forbidden words.

　At that time, the world.