Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu web novel

"--Here."

　Closing his eyes tightly, Subaru gritted his teeth and endured the excruciating pain that was sure to come his way.

　However, that tragic determination,

"...picture?"

　Despite what he had said, it didn't affect Subaru in the slightest.

"...Hmm."

　Subaru looked up and touched his chest to make sure there was nothing wrong. In front of him, Echidna had crossed her legs and her beautiful features, unchanged from a few seconds ago, frowned slightly.

　I hurriedly looked over at her, but there was no noticeable change in the way she looked at me. Her breathing and behavior were both normal. Anticipating the worst, I stared at the chest area of ​​her mourning clothes, but...

"I don't know if I can meet your expectations, but I'm not very confident about the size of my breasts. If it were someone like Sekhmet or Minerva, I could have enjoyed the physical flaws of being heavy and having stiff shoulders… but from the perspective of curiosity, that's the only thing I'm disappointed about."

"...That's not why I was staring at you. No, that's not the point."

　Echidna spoke as if it were the most natural thing to say, and Subaru responded without any thought. He placed his palm over his mouth, desperately trying to suppress the emotion in his trembling voice,

"When I die, I go back in time and start the world over again. I do 'Return by Death.'"

"I heard about it. And I read it before I heard about it. I see, that's a rare situation."

　Echidna nodded cheerfully, having fully digested what Subaru had told her.

　However, it was her attitude that came as a bolt from the blue to Subaru.

　--Once you say it, no matter how hard you try to keep your spirits up, the devil's hand of punishment will easily break even that resolve.

　Breaking that taboo, and causing pain to either Subaru himself, or the person he had confided in, had become an indelible trauma that entangled Subaru.

　Therefore, Subaru could not have done it as a mere "test". Without Echidna's encouragement, he would have hesitated and would not have been able to go through with his final decision.

　It was such a big decision. And yet it was made so easily――

"Why doesn't that hand come out...?"

"It almost sounds like you're regretting not coming out. That sounds like you're regretting missing the opportunity to kill me, and that hurts."

"That's not what I meant...!"

"I know that. If you don't have peace of mind, you won't be pushed to this point."

　Echidna ignored Subaru's shocked feelings and continued to maintain her own pace. Unable to contain his irritation at her, Subaru clicked his tongue and sharpened his sharp eyes even more,

"Answer me clearly. No matter how many times I say that I am using 『Return by Death』, that hand…the Witch's hand won't get in here? Can I really trust that?"

"You understand that it is the witch's hand… Yes, that's right. This is my dream, my castle. A vision I saw while dying. I won't let anyone enter without permission."

"Can you guarantee that?"

"You must be cautious. -- I promise you that. The only witches that may exist here are the six witches of 'Greed,' 'Gluttony,' 'Lust,' 'Pride,' 'Wrath,' and 'Sloth.' There is no room for 'Jealousy.'"

　Echidna gave a powerful reply to Subaru who was trying to emphasize the point.

　Subaru held his breath upon hearing this, and after a brief moment of silence, he slumped in his chair, his shoulders slumped, his face bowed, and heaved a long, long sigh.

"Is that so... I see... I see..."

"――――"

　Covering his face with his hands, Subaru simply repeated the same words. Over and over again.

　As if to confirm it. As if to not let go. As if to cling to it.

　After all, it was all for the first time in this other world that Subaru was able to free himself from the witch's clutches and speak about the hidden side of the taboo he had always held.

"You look quite emotional."

　Echidna spoke with a thin smile, watching Subaru as he was tossed about by the endless waves of emotion. She ran her fingers through her own white hair,

"I guess that just shows how much I've been bothering you. I suppose that's inevitable, seeing as how much of an obsessive love you showed me."

"Sorry, it's true that I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. Now I can calm down... Hmm, calm down. Now that I've calmed down, I want to talk about a few things. There are a mountain of things I want to talk about."

　The restriction on saying 『Return by Death』 does not apply.

　It took me a long time to accept the fact, but then once I did, I was too distracted.

　The feeling of freedom that comes from being able to speak out about all the things that you've been carrying around and are carrying around now - a ray of hope shines through the suffocating feeling that had been the end of the road. However,

"There seems to be a misunderstanding."

"--?"

"It's true that in my castle, the clutches of evil cannot intervene to bind you. So I understand that you're excited to be able to reveal the secrets that you've never been able to confide in anyone else until now. But… whether I'll listen to the circumstances you've faced, or cooperate or advise you where convenient, is another matter, you know?"

"Huh..."

　Those words and actions were like a cold bucket poured on Subaru's excited heart.

　Subaru remained silent as Echidna spoke as if it were obvious. Subaru, on the other hand, could not hide his confusion and disappointment at her unexpected response.

　He let out a sound that was neither "ah" nor "uh" and his eyes wandered.

　The light that you thought you saw, the sense of freedom that you expected from getting out of a dead end, slips away from you. Without knowing what to do,

"When you look at me like an abandoned child, it troubles me too. I don't think I'm asking you to do anything too difficult though."

　As she spoke, she tilted her head with a troubled expression, and tapped her outstretched finger three times on the white table. When he was drawn in that direction, her finger, which had tapped on the table, was pointing to one spot. - The cup that had been served to Subaru, still untouched.

"You've been invited to a witch's tea party. If you intend to have a lively discussion at the tea party, shouldn't you first show proof that you received the invitation?"

"...It's hard to understand, you know."

"I thought I made that point very clearly from the very beginning."

　Thinking back on it, Echidna had indeed complained about Subaru not reading the mood of the tea party, getting angry without even looking at the cup.

　However, one could say that the emotional wounds Subaru suffered were far too great for retaliation.

"Damn it, I got it!"

　She snatched the cup from the table and gulped down the amber liquid that was pulsating inside. It had been some time since it was poured, but it still had the right temperature, which was to be expected of something served at a witch's tea party.

　He gulps it down so quickly that he can't even taste it. Subaru roughly wipes the drops running down the corner of his mouth with his sleeve,

"Now that I've finished drinking, do you think I'll be accepted as a participant in the tea party?"

"When you drink up my bodily fluids with such vigor...yeah, my body gets hot."

"Whoa, I forgot--!"

　Subaru falls into the Donna tea trap, the same one he fell for at the first tea party.

　Echidna looked at Subaru with amusement as he put his hand over his mouth to hold back the urge to vomit, then a smile etched into her exquisite beauty as she said, "I admit it."

"Your question of why has opened the doors to the tea ceremony. And now that you have drunk the tea offered by the witch, you are an honored participant. As the host of the tea ceremony, it is my duty to treat you with hospitality. --So, tell me."

　Echidna clapped her hands lightly, her eyes shining with curiosity as she said,

"Racking my brain to come up with an answer is also a joy for me."

※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※

　--This was not so much the beginning of the tea ceremony, but rather the beginning of the question and answer session.

　Echidna is a witch who possesses a vast amount of knowledge thanks to a book called "Knowledge of the World."

　The greatest benefit of all was that he was now able to talk without any problems about 『Return by Death』, something he had never been able to confide in anyone about until now, and the information he had gained by using it.

　Subaru, faced with someone who could get to the heart of the matter, begins to ask all sorts of questions that he had been putting off because they were pointless. The first to speak was,

"Is it correct to say that the one causing my "Return by Death" is... the Witch of "Jealousy"?"

"That understanding is mostly correct. As for the mechanics of 'Return by Death', I won't know until I observe your death myself. However, I cannot take your life in my castle, so that's a condition that cannot be met."

"Won't you die here?"

"In the end, it's just a fleeting dream, a temporary resting place that only draws in the spirit. Do you think that if you die in a nightmare, your body actually dies?"

"I feel like if you have a really bad dream, you might die of shock..."

　In fiction, there are many stories in which death in the dream world is reflected in reality. For example, it would not be strange for the witch's death in the spiritual world to lead to her physical death.

"Well, it's a bit odd to insist that you're going to die when you're told you won't. Anyway, here you don't need to worry about dying no matter how stupid you act."

"It's possible that your mind will be shattered into pieces and you will return to your body, turning you into a wreck."

"If you're in a living corpse state, it's the same as being dead... but the fact that you can't "Return by Death" makes it even worse!"

　During the loop that started in the royal capital, Subaru had once been on the verge of a mental breakdown. At the time, it was either a self-preservation instinct or he was just acting like his ego had been broken. He had been swept away by the situation without really understanding what was going on, and it was his anger that brought him back to his senses.

　However, I intuitively feel that the mental breakdown that occurs here is not the kind of thing that can be healed by shock therapy.

"I don't want to be in a situation where I can't even choose the timing of my death. …Of course, it's best not to die."

"Even to think of 'death' as ​​a tool to bring about the conditions for victory is a value unknown even to me. Even I am unable to observe or store my own 'death' as ​​knowledge."

"...But you actually died and are now a bound spirit, so surely you remember what happened when you died?"

　She had explained to him that she was a dead person, without any substance, and that the soul of the deceased Echidna had been sealed away and imprisoned by a being called Divine Dragon Volcanica.

"That's not exactly true. It's true that my body, the vessel that holds my soul, is dead and lost. But my soul itself was sealed away by Volcanica before I died."

"…In other words, the body has died, but the soul hasn't. Since the inside has never died, it's a bit different from experiencing 'death'?"

「That is how it is. And although it may be my own opinion, I envy your current state. Being able to observe your own 『death』, much less experience it not just once but multiple times, is something that not everyone is allowed to experience.」

"...Depending on how you listen to it, it's a pretty masochistic statement. There's never been a time when I'd feel good about dying."

　Echidna likely meant no harm, but Subaru found himself put off by her curious attitude.

　The end result of actions is "death", and to Subaru, these outcomes are merely proof that he has always failed to achieve his goal.

　My aversion to death has not faded, and that feeling hasn't changed since I first experienced it. I won't deny that I've gotten somewhat used to it, and am now able to face it.

　Echidna chuckled at Subaru's comment and said, "That's a terrible thing to say."

"A state in which you can redo your 'death'. No, the power that does not allow you the peace of 'death' is undoubtedly the product of 'jealousy'. When did you realize this?"

"A lot of different people have said things that make it seem like it might be related to her. To be honest, I don't remember ever meeting the jealous witch face to face… but her name comes up every now and then, so I can imagine that the 'hand talent' that appears in limited scenes might be her."

　A black shadow began to appear, with both arms and the vague outline of the whole body becoming visible.

　When she spoke those forbidden words, she tormented Subaru, yet at the same time behaved lovingly, a contradictory existence. To Subaru, torment and love were sadistic delusions that he didn't appreciate at all.

"I have no idea why someone I've never met would care about me like that. Do you know?"

"Well, I don't know. I don't think anyone else, let alone me, could ever understand her mentality. Even if I could, I wouldn't want to."

"You say you want to know everything about this world, but you're pretty harsh towards the Witch of Jealousy. Well, maybe it's only natural when you consider the damage you've suffered at the hands of that witch."

　Echidna appears aloof, and in fact, is on a level that humans cannot reach.

　The fact that a world was formed in this way, that even after death they continued to appear the same as they had while alive, and the amount of knowledge they had to answer Subaru's questions without hesitation.

　Both of these are proof that she is a Transcendent, a Witch of 『Greed』.

　Even such transcendent beings cannot escape feelings of likes and dislikes. Subaru cannot help but feel that this is something he cannot avoid, and it feels like a burden to him.

"It may be overrated, but even though I'm a witch, I was originally a human. I can't escape emotions such as joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness, or likes and dislikes, or the strengths and weaknesses of the people I come into contact with. Compared to other witches, I still pride myself on having a large range of tolerance."

"Well, you say you have an endless interest in other people, but if you're picky about other people's preferences, then I guess you'll never be able to satisfy your curiosity."

"That's right. That's why I can tolerate most existences. No matter how vulgar and unremarkable an existence may be, I have a reason to make the effort to show a certain degree of understanding towards its spirituality. I want to know everything, to be fulfilled. However."

　Echidna stopped speaking and lowered her head slightly, her expression changing.

　The witch always wore a composed smile, and never forgot to look at the person in question as if observing their behavior. For the first time, Echidna's mouth was covered with a clear expression of disgust - and anger that was conceived of that disgust.

"The Witch of Jealousy is an exception. She is the only one who has given up on tolerance and even putting in the effort to do so. Even now, after peering into the World's Memories and overlapping their time in life and after death, I have never seen such an unforgivable existence."

"...Being killed isn't the only reason, is it? You're getting angry like that."

"Death doesn't mean that much to me. Considering that I'm able to be like this, that is. However, she did something that was even more unbearable to me. I believe that every action is an effort to achieve a result... but even so, I absolutely cannot accept it."

　Having released all her pent-up emotions, Echidna closed her eyes and shook her head.

　With that confession and that gesture, all signs of passion were wiped away from her face. What appeared afterwards was the familiar smile of an observer.

"Let's stop talking about that witch. I can speculate about the principle behind your 'Return by Death', but I have no certainty. And even if I found out, it's the kind of problem that won't have any effect on your 'Death'. Do you have any questions other than the cause?"

"If you say something other than the cause..."

　Having the basis of 『Return by Death』 so readily confirmed left Subaru troubled. Regardless of the intentions of its source, this authority that resided within him, Subaru was aware that in exchange for pain, he was using this power for something useful, or perhaps that he was being forced to use it.

　It's frustrating, but there are many results that wouldn't have been achieved without this power.

　And that is probably one thing we will have to rely on in the future.

"--Do you think there's a limit to the number of times I can use this power, "Return by Death"?"

"Hmm... I see. Knowing that it is the power to redo 'death', that's the natural question to ask."

　As far as Subaru could remember, he had already died sixteen times in this world.

　Each time, it was a "death" accompanied by pain and a sense of loss, but each time Subaru experienced such a situation, he returned and restarted the world.

　Subaru had achieved results, but he was constantly threatened by the approach of "death" - that was the natural feeling that this might be the end.

"That's obvious, isn't it?"

　『Death』, which should normally end in one go, has already been undone many times.

　It is a world that could not have been carved out without that power, and that is why one cannot help but feel a sense of powerlessness when that power is lost.

　Until the moment he "Returns by Death", Subaru doesn't know if it will end or not.

　The sense of despair he had experienced so many times, of having his goals crushed halfway throughーーif that was the end for everything to come to a complete stop and disappear, then how terrifying would 『Death』 be?

"I'll preface this by saying that this is merely my speculation. I have a vague guess as to the principle behind your 'Return by Death', so please allow me to tell you something based on that guess."

"...Ah, tell me."

"Your 'Return by Death'. I assume it is under limited conditions, but what is the limit on the number of times it can be used――"

　Breathtaking.

　Staring straight into Echidna's eyes as she looked his way, Subaru felt the brief exchange of words last for an eternity.

　Such was the longed-for conclusion――and,

"--Probably not."

"..."

"Your 'death' has no end. No matter how many times you die, no matter how many times you decay, each time your soul will go back in time, and will be allowed to start over until you have defeated the fate that brought about your 'death'. No matter how brutally you are killed, no matter how shattered your body and mind are."

　Hearing the conclusion Echidna had reached, Subaru's mind went blank for a moment.

　Once those blank spaces have cleansed your clean head, the next thing to start filling up your empty brain is

"--Is that so?"

　He calmly accepted the truth he had been told and did his best to control the trembling of his entire body.

　Subaru had his hand over his mouth, his head down and his eyes closed.

　He didn't seem upset, but there was also no sign of any relief at having been informed that there were no restrictions on "Return by Death."

　Echidna frowned slightly, feeling a bit suspicious about that, and then,

"You don't seem as surprised as I thought you would."

"..."

Subaru: "For you… No, for anyone, being able to overturn the absoluteness of 'death' should be an incredibly big thing. You are powerless, and yet the obstacles standing in your way are just too steep. I thought you'd have more of a reaction."

"I'm sorry that my reaction was bad and I couldn't meet your expectations... but"

　An infinite number of retries is possible――That was the optimistic conclusion Subaru had about 『Return by Death』. Therefore, he wasn't completely surprised when someone else confirmed that.

"As soon as I accept that, I don't immediately come to the stupid conclusion that 'it's okay if I die a lot, so this life in another world is a completely easy game!'"

"So you've got the answer you predicted, and are looking beyond that? Surprisingly, you seem to be a more intelligent person than I thought. Whether that's a good thing or not is another matter."

"Each time I repeat 'Return by Death'... or, to put it another way, each time I try to confess it and feel closer to the Witch, I feel that black shadow getting closer."

　When the taboo was spoken, the first shadow Subaru saw was that of a single arm touching his heart.

　However, each time he repeated this action, the shadow's outline gradually changed from faint to more clearly defined, until now his entire body was even vaguely visible.

　What will happen if that shadow takes on a more clearly defined shape in the future?

"When that takes on a clear shape, that will be the limit of my Return by Death. When that shadow becomes real, I don't think I'll be able to reject it."

"Hmm, what's the basis for that?"

"Intuition"

　Echidna's eyes widened at those two short words.

　Subaru rested his chin on the table and looked up at her face from below,

"Indeed, it's a sensation that only those who have met that shadow can understand. If there is anyone other than me who can understand it..."

　He was a madman who had suffered the same pain as Subaru and had his heart broken; he was no longer with us.

　Subaru felt a sentimental ache in his chest. Echidna, watching him, narrowed her eyes as if peering into his depths, but then quickly shrugged her shoulders,

"It's annoying that I can't understand your feelings, but my speculations more or less confirm it. There is no limit to your 'Return by Death'. However, this is only under certain conditions."

"Limitations, conditions"

"It is the witch's delusion that causes you to "Return by Death". Unless the source of that delusion is cut off, you will not be allowed to meet your end."

"The source of your delusion... you say..."

"Either I have to kill the witch who's obsessed with you, or she'll lose patience with you... either way, looking at you, it seems like the difficulty will be extremely high."

　The slaying of the Witch of Envy - that was the world's long-cherished wish that had remained unfulfilled 400 years ago, even with the cooperation of a dragon, a sage, and a sword master.

　This meant that he must surpass his previous feat of only being able to seal away the Witch of Jealousy, who covered half of the earth in her shadow, and was unable to kill her.

"I think it would be much easier if they lost interest in me though..."

"You have some idea, don't you, that this is absolutely impossible?"

"..."

"Only you, who have actually come into contact with the witch's shadow, can understand this feeling, but knowing what happened before, I can't help but think so."

　Echidna had a bitter expression on her face. It was unclear how much animosity there was between her and the Witch of Jealousy four hundred years ago, but it was likely a deep-rooted issue that would never fade no matter how much time passed; in fact, it was enough to deepen the rift between them as time passed.

　Subaru, unable to completely deny what she said, let out a breath through his nose and creaked in his chair.

　Just as Echidna had said, the Witch of Jealousy would abandon Subaru――but Subaru just couldn't find any hope of that.

　I never thought I could be so blindly loved by someone I'd never met, even a stranger. Someone who would literally consume my world.

"That's quite an easy thing to accept."

"--bean paste?"

"I hate to say it, but what I've said so far is just my own speculation. I can't provide any evidence, and I don't think there's enough evidence to believe it."

　Echidna, with one eye closed, seemed puzzled as to why Subaru had so readily accepted her opinion.

　Indeed, Subaru thought the same.

　Subaru and her relationship was short, and on top of that, she was a "Witch." Considering that, it would not be an exaggeration to say that there was nothing to trust about her.

　However,

"That's just my hunch."

"...A hunch."

　Subaru found himself naturally thinking that if she was saying it, he could believe it.

　This may be because during our brief conversation, there was something that made me believe that when she revealed the knowledge she possessed, it was shown to be respectful.

　There were many times when his desire for knowledge went too far and he became uncouth or vulgar, and such flaws were easily noticeable, but--

"If I could just close my eyes to that, I don't think you'd be lying -- or so I think."

"...Is that also just your hunch?"

"That's right. It's a hunch. Well, I suppose you could say that the hunch of someone who's died sixteen times isn't something you can rely on."

　Subaru makes fun of her and scratches his head, trying to lighten the mood with some self-deprecating humor.

　Hearing this, Echidna held her breath. Then she reached for the cup on the table, brought it to her mouth, moistened her tongue, and then,

"Maybe you have a talent for wooing witches."

　And for the first time, a smile with a different feel to it appeared on his lips.