Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu web novel

--How long had it been since he'd heard that voice?

　In real time, not much time had passed since she fell asleep.

　A week at most was a perfectly reasonable length of time to go without seeing acquaintances or family. But Subaru didn't think that way.

　Real time had no meaning to Subaru, who repeated time over and over by risking his life again and again. In terms of the time his soul experienced, it had been an immense amount of time before that voice had shaken his eardrums and his heart.

"--Please wake up, Subaru-kun. I'd be happy if you could show me your face."

　As I lay face down on the ground, the words came down from above.

　The affection in that voice, the passionate love, quickly filled Subaru's heart with warmth. Heat seeped into the vessel of his heart, which had been empty and parched.

　Just one gentle voice spoke to me.

　Just how much power will she give to herself?

"...That's a lie."

"No, I'm not lying."

"There's no way."

"If that's what you want, Subaru, I'll always be by your side."

Subaru: "It's only when I think that I need you to do something about it the most… but you're always there… How can that be…?"

"I always want to be the most convenient woman for Subaru-kun."

　Her sobbing voice was bubbling away, a shameful complaint coming out.

　And yet, the voice they spoke to never looked down on or underestimated Subaru.

　She knows.

　That Subaru is weak, helpless, so fragile that he cannot survive without clinging to something, always lacking in confidence, and constantly wavering.

　Because she's the kind of girl who says she loves Subaru even though he can't be strong like that.

"--Rem."

"Yes. This is Rem, Subaru-kun."

　Look up.

　The color blue appears in my tear-blurred vision.

　Subaru rubbed his eyes roughly with his dirty sleeve, letting the tears evaporate, and looked.

　Standing before his eyes was the figure of a young girl.

　The adorable figure of Rem.

"Remuu..."

"Yes, I'm Rem. I'm the helpful maid who's always there for you when you need her by your side, Subaru-kun."

"You, huh..."

　Tilting her head, Rem toyed with Subaru with a flippant attitude.

　Seeing her attitude, before he could say anything, Subaru felt the air peacefully escape his lungs. With a thud, the weight that had been in his chest dropped.

　My breathing becomes easier, and the little me that had been yelling inside my skull disappears somewhere.

　Subaru was stunned at being saved so, so easily.

　His heart, which had felt so hopeless and at a complete dead end, was so easily resolved just by seeing one girl in front of him.

"Rem is amazing..."

"Thank you. Subaru-kun is also wonderful."

　The words he spoke as he smiled seemed to fit together, but they didn't quite match up as usual.

　Even such an exchange made Subaru feel happy, and he was on the verge of tears, unable to hold back what he had been holding back.

　Subaru was slumped on the ground, his eyes cast down, when Rem knelt down in front of him.

"Are you okay? Are you tired?"

"I wonder... I guess I'm just tired... I haven't accomplished anything yet."

　In this world of redoing things, Subaru is constantly being overwhelmed and has not arrived at a single correct answer. He doesn't feel like he's in a position to say things like he's tired.

　Everyone is suffering more. Everyone is experiencing more hardship. Why does everyone have to suffer? That is a given.

"Because I'm weak."

"――――"

"Because I don't have enough power."

"――――"

"If only I was stronger, smarter, and could do more... then none of us would have had to suffer, grieve, or go through such hardship..."

　If Subaru was strong enough to do it all, everything, all on his own, then Emilia should have been able to face her past and have her heart broken, comfort Beatrice, worn down by four hundred years of solitude, save Petra and Frederica from the murderer's blade, protect the people of the Sanctuary whose lives were threatened by the threat of the Great Rabbit, and share with Garfiel, who was desperately trying to keep the enemy at bay.

　Everything, everything, everything is Subaru's fault.

　And so, to make up for that weakness, Subaru would have to sacrifice all his own soul.

　--That's what I thought.

"I couldn't save anyone... could I?"

"Subaru-kun."

"If the world continued on after I died, then how many times, how many people... how many people have I let die?"

"Subaru-kun."

"How many times have I made you die? How many times do I have to... kill you?"

"--Subaru-kun."

　Subaru's body trembling with fear from the depths of his being, he quickly confesses his sins.

　He wanted to let it all out, and have it dealt with right away. He wanted someone close to him to condemn it, before he broke his own heart.

　I wanted someone to punch that fool who had decided he would never make another mistake, yet took the wrong path from the very first step, and call him an incorrigible fool.

"――――"

　--And yet, when Subaru asked for punishment, he was given a gentle, embracing embrace.

"Re, mu."

"It's okay. It's okay, Subaru."

"What, but... nothing, it's okay... it's not okay..."

　Subaru had accomplished nothing, not a single thing.

　If Subaru didn't do it, there would be many people he couldn't save. Many people would meet a terrible end. Rem is one of those people Subaru must save.

　She, indeed, had the right to blame Natsuki Subaru for being inadequate, lacking, and weak.

"You... you... me!"

"--I love you."

　Our foreheads touched and he simply whispered words of love.

"――――"

　I am silenced from speaking.

　I can't say anything.

　Right nearby, pale blue eyes were gazing straight at Subaru.

　I could almost drown in the depth of the emotion of love that dwells in those eyes.

"I love you, Subaru-kun. --So, everything is okay."

"I... I'm not capable of doing that..."

"It is. Why is Rem here? Why does Rem forgive Subaru? Why does Rem embrace Subaru――everything, that's all."

　Rem's smile, breathing so close, entangled Subaru's heart in an invisible palm.

　He couldn't move. He couldn't even budge. Her small hands were around his back, gripping the hem of his clothes tightly, and she hugged him so tightly, so tightly that it felt like they would become one with him.

"That must have been difficult, Subaru-kun."

"――――"

"Being hurt like this all by yourself... it must have been hard, Subaru-kun."

"----!"

"You don't have to feel this sadness anymore. It's okay."

　Desperately trying to endure the task, Subaru is unable to reply, so Rem continues in a sweet voice.

　As if to gently loosen Subaru's heart, melt away his stubborn emotions.

"Rem will take over all of Subaru's pain, suffering, and weaknesses."

"..."

"Subaru-kun, please leave all of those thoughts, thoughts of wanting to protect, thoughts of wanting to fight, thoughts of wanting to see things through to the end, in my care."

"..."

"There's no need for you to shoulder all of this, Subaru-kun. —Leave it all to Rem, take a rest now, and go to sleep."

"...I am."

"Please show us Rem's beloved Subaru once more."

　Rem put her hand on his cheek, forcing Subaru to look up, facing him directly.

　Suddenly, her lips pursed, as if hesitant, and then slowly, Rem's face came closer.

　Even with a vague consciousness, I was able to understand what they were trying to do and what they were likely to do to me.

　The lips of the beloved girl are approaching, so close that he can almost feel her breath.

　Is it okay to layer, entangle, drown, and then be dissolved and sink?

　--For better or worse, you have forgiven me.

　How Rem's words must have gently seeped into Subaru's heart.

　His frayed emotions, his tangled soul begging for someone to lend him a hand, were now saved once again by her, who understood everything about him.

　Rem lends a hand to the helpless Subaru.

　Rem firmly supports Subaru's fragile back.

　Rem takes Subaru's hand and guides him down the path that he is foolishly taking.

　Relying on it, clinging to it, relying on it――if that's how you arrive at the right answer.

　What sense is there in continuing to struggle alone?

　I was worn out, I no longer knew where I stood, and I no longer knew which way to walk, so I gave up on everything and entrusted it all to myself.

"It's easy to give up"

"――――"

"but"

"――――"

"--It doesn't suit you, Subaru-kun."

　I heard a voice.

"--Subaru-kun?"

　I hear Rem's suspicious voice from in front of me.

　That was because her face was blocked by Subaru's hand, which he had placed between their lips, which were on the verge of touching.

　The sweet, entwined sensation of her tongue was pushed away, and Rem's eyes wavered with a faint light of hurt.

　Gazing at the flickering light through the gaps between his fingers, Subaru spoke.

"--Who are you?"

"picture--?"

"You, whoever you are, are listening."

"Subaru-kun, what are you doing… who are you talking about…"

　Subaru's low question made Rem stutter, her throat twitching.

　The faint look of heartbreak in her eyes deepened, and traces of grief were deeply etched on her expression. It was so intense that it felt as if Subaru's heart was being torn apart from the inside and out.

　As if to confuse the sensation, Subaru pressed down on his chest and bared his fangs.

"When I was... at a dead end with no way out, and I really wanted someone to do something about it, and I was about to give up, thinking that it might be too late... at times like that, I really wished that you were there."

"――――"

"I thought that you would be there for me, kind to me, when I'm stuck like this, hugging my knees, and constantly worrying about the past."

"――――"

"And so, you listened to my complaints, let me cry, and squeezed out all my tears and everything else until I was completely drained..."

"――――"

"--Now, please stand up, that's what I'm saying."

　Natsuki Subaru remembers with all his heart and soul the slenderness of the fingers that touched him, the warmth of the skin that was close to his, and the magnitude of the love that was given to him.

　So, clearly, in front of the Rem in front of me――in front of the fake, I would say it.

"I won't tell you to take a break anymore."

"――――"

"I'm not telling you to give up and leave it all to Rem."

"――――"

"She likes me, she likes me, she's kind to me, she loves me――the woman who is stricter with me and less lenient with me than anyone else in the world is Rem!"

　Subaru leapt to his feet, roared, and put some distance between himself and Rem, his eyes fixed on her.

　Rem was on her knees, looking up at Subaru from a low position and saying nothing. However, her expression was still drowning in sadness at having been rejected by Subaru.

"That's not true. Please listen to me, Subaru! Rem, Rem is different. It's just that I can't bear to see you suffering, Subaru… so right now I just want you to forget about your pain and rest, that's all!"

"I'll show you my weaknesses. I'll show you my fragile sides. I'll show you what a hopeless, tiny little bastard I am. --But I'll never show you that I'll give up."

　Subaru is a hero, that's what Rem once said.

　Becoming Rem's hero, Natsuki Subaru had decided.

　From the moment that promise was made, Subaru had already made his decision.

　ーーIn this world, in this realm, the only place Natsuki Subaru could willingly show his weakness was in front of Rem.

　Even though Subaru knows he is weak, he is able to keep his weakness a secret only in front of Rem, who believes in him trying to be strong despite all that.

　He couldn't show it to Emilia, Beatrice, or anyone else.

　Subaru has to be strong, so he can only show his weak side to Rem.

"So my weaknesses are Rem's. Rem hides all my weaknesses, so in return I have to cling to the idea of ​​giving up and not show it."

"――――"

"Get out, you fake. --Don't fawn over me with my Rem's face and voice!"

　Having declared this, Subaru thrust his fist at Rem - the imitation.

　The person who heard Subaru's declaration was at a loss for words. Then he lowered his face and slowly, quietly stood up from the spot,

"I, I, I heard... that's not what I said... right?"

"a...?"

　The imitation, head tilted and blue hair swaying, spoke haltingly.

　Hearing this, Subaru raised a question.

"――――"

　Before my eyes, Rem's form became indistinct, like a blurred image.

　A static-like vision on late-night television filled my field of vision, and after a moment when the world was taken over, another person appeared in their place.

　--It was the first time I'd met him.

　She had light crimson hair that reached the middle of her back, and was a gentle girl - or rather, a timid-looking girl. Her features were well-defined, but her face wasn't particularly attractive. She had an ordinary, average-looking face.

　She was wearing long-sleeved white clothing, her hands were slightly longer than her wrists, and she was gently holding both of her cheeks in place, looking timidly at Subaru.

"Who are you?"

"I-I'm Carmilla, the 'Witch of Lust'. Nice to meet you..."

　The girl who answered his question - Camilla's answer made Subaru hold his breath.

　The girl called herself the "Witch of Lust." In other words,

"This incomprehensible space... is this inside Echidna's dream?"

"That's right, but maybe not. Echidna-chan is watching the Trials, so... the Trials are always like dreams, yes..."

"I don't really get it, but, no, before that..."

　Subaru felt irritated by the way Carmilla spoke, and seeing Subaru's expression naturally turn stern, Carmilla shook her body violently and clutched her head.

"Stop it... don't hit me..."

"I wouldn't do something like that. I wouldn't do something like that, but... what was that just now about?"

"earlier?"

"You copied Rem's outfit and stood in front of me! Is that your ability?"

　Witches who bear the name of one of the deadly sins should all possess extraordinary powers.

　If the 『Lustful Witch』 was no exception, then she must have had some kind of authority. If that was the case with her previous transformation――

"Transfiguration is a pretty conventional power compared to other witches."

"I, I didn't, transform or anything... okay? If I, you, saw me as someone else... it's because... you, right, you, wanted to see me, you know?"

"what?"

"That's why... I didn't want to see you... I didn't. Eh, Echidna told me to go, so... I'm tired of lying..."

　Subaru's irritation grew as he listened to Camilla's mutterings.

　The way she talks, the way she looks at me, the way she weakly lowers her eyes when she senses my gaze, everything about her is irritating. What's with her effeminate way of speaking and her sulky way of speaking?

　Not only was it not clear what he was trying to say, he also had no idea how he had trampled on something so precious to Subaru.

　I'm annoyed. I'm angry. I want to yell at them and make them understand.

"You... you, do you know what you've done...?"

Subaru: "Echidna-chan, I... I told you to just spoil her, and then it would all work out... but instead it turned out like this... I told you not to."

"Listen to me...!!"

"Y-you all... ganged up on me and bullied me... that's right. Echidna-chan, too, that's right. It's so awful... so terrible."

"Don't you understand that I'm telling you to listen――!!」

　As he tried to shout, Subaru realized that he had squeezed the air out of his lungs and had let out a hoarse cry. But the rage that was burning within him was more important, and the thought quickly disappeared from his mind.

　The shortness of breath was a minor issue compared to the frustration that made me want to claw my chest out.

　He covered his mouth as he kept whining and whining, and poured all of the anger and pain that Subaru was harboring into him, and made him understand what he had done――

"--Any more than that, it'll be life-threatening."

「――――!?」

　In an instant, Subaru regained his senses as he heard a whisper in his ear.

　Suddenly, I was overcome by the agony of near suffocation due to the continued lack of oxygen, and the pain of my eyes being dry from having them wide open.

"Uh -- ah?"

"It's a drastic measure, but I'm glad you've returned. When you're facing Camilla, the Faceless Goddess of Lust, you forget to breathe. Ultimately, even to the beat of your heart."

"Ehah, gahhh... ha, haah."

　Spitting from breathlessness, Subaru's thoughts flickered as he crawled on the ground on all fours.

　However, the voice I heard certainly passed through my ears and conveyed meaning to my brain.

　Therefore, Subaru wiped his mouth with his sleeve, looked up at the person who had supposedly arranged this entire situation, and bared his fangs once again.

"What, what were you planning――Echidna?"

　Subaru looked at her with hateful eyes, and the white-haired witch stroked her hair and naturally rested her chin on the table,

"Isn't it obvious? -- She's a witch. It's a wicked scheme."

　"So," he said with a smile.