Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu web novel

Gasping for breath, Subaru belatedly realized that he was placing his hands on the green grass.

　The strong smell of grass tickled his nostrils from the ground where he stood. Like a grassland bathed in sunlight after a rain, the suffocating air of nature gently enveloped Subaru's entire body.

　Subaru turned his head and looked at Echidna in front of him.

　As always, she had set out the tables and chairs on a small hill in the grassland, preparing for the tea ceremony, waiting for her guest - Subaru.

　Just like always. --Yes, just like always.

"I'm sure there are many things you want to say and ask, but... how about we sit down and have a cup of tea first?"

"...Looking back at what you just did to me, do you really think I'd be so friendly as to sit down at that table? And even more so, would I accept a tea party?"

"I will. You are a person who can prioritize rationality and the appearance of a cool head over the instinct to lose yourself in rage. There are more benefits to having a meaningful discussion with me now than avoiding it… right? You can make that decision in your heart, right?"

"――――"

　While Subaru tried to stifle his voice in anger, Echidna maintained her calm demeanor.

　The words, as if mocking Subaru for trying to pull off some obvious trick, hit the nail on the head, and Subaru had no choice but to accept or deny it.

　However, something that has been trampled upon is not so cheap that one would just blindly follow its words.

"Echidna...say that you didn't mean it."

"Yeah?"

"Just now... tell me that your interaction with the Lustful Witch wasn't what you intended. Tell me that, and say that you're sorry."

"..."

"That it couldn't be helped. That it was unexpected, that it wasn't supposed to turn out like that. Please tell me that. If you tell me that...I won't blame you."

　Echidna was right.

　Subaru needs her knowledge and cooperation in order to move forward.

　But what is unforgivable cannot be forgiven. It was certain that Echidna had used the Witch of Lust to trample on a precious place that should never be violated - Subaru's "sanctuary".

　So, in order to forgive Echidna and have a meaningful discussion as she asked, that was a necessary request for Subaru.

"...I was wondering what you'd say."

　And in that instant, he must have realised Subaru's inner weakness and stubbornness.

　Echidna muttered without thinking, then looked at Subaru, who was biting his lip and waiting for a reply. Slowly, she played with the tips of her own white hair with her fingers,

"Just as you wished, that was the result of the lustful witch, Carmilla, running wild. I tried to stop her, but she didn't listen to me. So she used the 'trial' as an excuse to ensnare you, expose the parts of you that you least wanted touched, and try to make you drown in them."

"――――"

"You nearly fell into my trap, but managed to escape on your own. Then, when my attempt to entice Camilla let her guard down, I took back the initiative and invited you to my castle. I think it was a stroke of luck that we are now able to meet face to face."

"――――"

"...If that's what I said, are you satisfied?"

　Echidna quickly recited the answers Subaru wanted, only to betray them in the end.

　Subaru silently turned his gaze upwards, removing his sight from Echidna's face as she asked the question.

"...What were you thinking when you instigated the witch like that?"

"Didn't Carmilla say that she wanted to save you from the Trials you had taken on, as they were likely to wear you down emotionally."

"That, that's not the Witch of Lust's true feelings. If what she said is correct, then that's the very weakness I imagined Rem would want me to express. There's no reason for the Witch of Lust to be friendly towards me. …That was your instruction, wasn't it?"

"You've got to be so bold with so few statements... In that case, your excuses won't hold."

　Echidna simply shrugged, giving up on her excuses. Then, she brought her own cup to her lips on the table and tilted it,

"Just as you thought, it was my instructions that I sent Carmilla, and that I had her pose as the girl in your heart. As for the fact that she wasn't fully immersed in the role and was found out, that's Carmilla's problem rather than mine, though."

"...Why did you do something like that?"

"You'll probably get angry if I put it bluntly. --Because it was the most efficient method, and above all, the most likely one."

　Unashamedly, Echidna continued in front of Subaru, whose expression was blank.

"I hadn't expected that you would be drawn into the second Trial at this time. More than anything, to be honest, I never expected that its contents would have such an impact on you until I saw your actual state."

"――――"

"Oh, please look past the fact that I peeked into the 'Trial'. I think I made that clear during the first 'Trial', but this was a 'Trial' prepared by the witch, you know? I don't like people blaming me for something that has a nasty ending."

"...Continue."

"Anyway, as I was watching you take on the Trials from the sidelines, I thought to myself. If you continue to take on Trials alone in this state, you'll soon wear out..."

　That was not an exaggerated opinion, but a fact.

　Subaru was not so blind to his own failings that he could deny it.

　The second Trial - an impossible present - was confronted with countless scenes, incidents, and tragedies that more than broke down Subaru's bravado, stubbornness, and misunderstandings.

"And that's why I intervened. Wearing down is one outcome. I try and experiment with everything. That's because an insatiable curiosity, seeking a conclusion, continues to give birth within me. In order to satisfy that insatiable greed, I seek all kinds of results. --You taking on the "Trial" and breaking is no exception."

"In that case, why did you intervene? If giving in was one of the things you wanted, like results, then you could have just left it alone. If you can get results that prove that I'm just that good, then that's enough for you, right?"

"Of course, I can accept that as a result… but that doesn't mean I won't do anything to achieve the results I want."

"what...?"

　In response to Subaru's questioning, Echidna lowered her voice.

　Hearing this, for the first time, Subaru frowned for no reason other than anger.

　If you take in the meaning of her words and give them a concrete form, then

Subaru: "So you prepared that situation in order to refuse the outcome in which I would wear out and disappear… is that what you're saying?"

"...As a result, there is no excuse for having invaded your precious territory. That is why, if you choose to yell abuse at me, I will accept it. Your anger is justified, and my selfishness is wrong. That's all there is to it."

　Placing the cup on the table, Echidna looked straight at Subaru, who was at the bottom of the hill.

　There was almost no trace of the playfulness or mischief she had shown up until now, and the Witch of Greed was facing Subaru with all the sincerity she could muster.

　I was overwhelmed by his attitude, his posture, and his words.

　The indescribable anger and distrust towards Echidna that had filled his heart up until now suddenly seemed incredibly selfish and self-centered.

　The fact is, Echidna's help---Subaru still felt a strong resistance to putting the situation he had just had into words, but what would have happened to his heart if it hadn't happened?

　It is not difficult to imagine his heart being broken, crushed, wiped away on the cold floor of the tomb, until not even the faint light could be seen in the darkness.

　He couldn't express his gratitude to her. But he didn't think she was someone he should lash out at with anger or abuse. That was how he let his feelings flow.

"――――"

　Subaru silently stood up and, brushing the grass off his body, headed towards the top of the hill.

　Echidna, sitting in a chair, watched Subaru approach, a faint look of pain on her face. It seemed that even a witch who had spent hundreds of years there couldn't fully read what words Subaru was planning to throw at her as he approached.

　The embodiment of lust for knowledge. The ``Witch of Greed.'' The fact that he was able to distort his expression like that in front of such an opponent gave him a little peace of mind.

"--a"

　As Echidna cried out in surprise, Subaru pulled out a chair and sat down opposite her.

　Although he didn't bring the cup to his mouth, he was signaling his intention to sit at the table and participate in the discussion. As Echidna looked his way with anxious eyes, Subaru turned his face away, resting his chin on his hand,

"I have no intention of drinking tea, Donna. I'd still like to have a meaningful discussion with you, though."

　"So," he said, swallowing his unbearable emotions and showing his tolerance for the situation.

※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※

"So, what was the second "Trial" all about?"

　With his chin resting on his hand, Subaru asked without looking at Echidna.

　Receiving this, Echidna, who was in front of Subaru, shifted her chair diagonally forward, as if to get into Subaru's field of vision,

"What do you think it was like?"

"You're trying to confuse me... right? I guess it's a bit selfish of you to suddenly ask for the answer."

"I don't mean it with any ill will. I've done something to upset you. I just want to hear your voice a little longer, to make sure we can talk on an amicable basis."

　It was a strong word, one that tickled the heart of the person speaking.

　If Subaru had approached this conversation calmly and without any worries, he would surely have been shaken and at a loss for words.

　However, with Subaru in his current state of mind, there was no way he could give her the reaction she desired, so he only responded with a small sigh,

"The opening line of the 'Trial' was 'Look at this impossible now'. The scene I was shown was what it was about....The impossible now is the 'now' where I made a choice different from the one that would have shaped my current situation in the time I've been in to get to this point."

　The concept is the same as a visual novel type of game.

　It is a game in which the content and possibilities of the story branch out depending on the choices the player makes at key points. If you think about it in a grandiose way, it is no mistake to say that even life is an epic game that unfolds in this way.

　When a person is faced with a choice and chooses of their own volition, if the result is a world with diverging possibilities that one hopes for, then that is truly what "life" is.

"A world that you shouldn't be able to see under normal circumstances. Perhaps it is a world that is much happier than the true 'now', and you regret that you should have lived in it. Perhaps it is a world that is much more unfortunate than the true 'now', and you are grateful for the way you are here. --The original second 'trial' was to see if, by seeing a 'now' that is different from this 'now', you can affirm the 'now' that should be correct."

　Continuing Subaru's words, Echidna briefly outlines the second "Trial."

　It was almost exactly the same as what Subaru had imagined the Trial would entail, except for one thing: the contents of it struck Subaru deeply and sharply.

Subaru: "--Is the different 'now' that I saw really happening?"

"..."

"Whenever I die, I always "Return by Death" on the spot. So, I've never seen what happens after I die. ... Before that, I'd never even thought about the world continuing on after I die. ... No, I've tried not to think about it."

　Because, isn't that so?

　Subaru's "Return by Death" was because the world had reached a hopeless stalemate. He had endured the sensation of wasting his life by affirming that "Return by Death" was a way to break through that situation, rescue those he cared about, and allow Subaru to reach the best possible future.

　The existence of an afterlife completely overturns Subaru's premise.

　For the sake of peace of mind, and above all else, by believing that "there is no such world that has been left behind", Subaru has saved the people of whatever "world has been left behind" that may exist.

　that's why,

"Even after I die, does the world continue on...? Did the world branch off because of my choices, and in the world where I messed up and missed out on everything, there were everyone I couldn't protect...?"

"――――"

"What do you think, Echidna? Answer me."

　With no option but to turn his face away, Subaru turned a pleading gaze towards Echidna, who was sitting diagonally in front of him.

　Echidna remained silent, under Subaru's gaze, touched her chin thoughtfully, then closed her eyes.

"I must explain one thing about the 'Trial'."

"..."

"The 'Now', the second 'Trial', is merely a phenomenon that shows a scene from a virtual world. The challenger who takes on the 'Trial'... in this case, that's you. Every last detail of your memory is projected, and on top of that, the 'Memories of the World' extract the people, the world, the atmosphere, and even the mana that make up the world around you, and assembles the necessary information from the past, present, and future to create that 'Now'."

"..."

"In other words, it's an extremely well-crafted 'unreality'. The level of reproduction is on a different level to arbitrary imagination or delusion, and as a hypothetical fact, 'something like that' could happen. But, it's still a 'manufactured unreality'. I can't agree with the answer as to whether it really happened."

"Well, then..."

"however"

　Subaru looked up, finding hope in Echidna's explanation. However, just as Subaru was beginning to see a ray of hope, Echidna held out her palm to interrupt him,

"The details of the principle behind your "Return by Death" are unknown. There is no doubt that your "Return by Death" is the work of the "Envious Witch", but there are endless questions as to how the "Envious Witch" is making you "Return by Death". It could be a power that rewinds the entire world upon your "death". Or it could be a parallel world, a different world that may or may not exist, where "you" is overwritten onto another you."

"a..."

"If the latter principle is adopted, then a parallel world exists, and in that world, even after your death, a world without 'you' continues in that way."

"I-Is there any way to confirm this...?"

"--do not have"

　Subaru's words trembled, but Echidna shook her head in cold defiance.

　Subaru was speechless, his eyes wide open and his mouth hanging open, as Echidna looked at him with sympathy and tapped her fingertips on the edge of the table.

"If there's one way to find out, it's to ask the 'Witch of Jealousy' herself. But you've already realized how difficult that is, haven't you?"

　Echidna was probably referring to the memory of when Subaru actually met the "Witch of Envy." At the end of the tea party, the "Witch of Envy" greeted Subaru as he came out of the tomb.

　A true monster who had stolen Emilia's body, tore Garfiel to shreds, and swallowed the Sanctuary itself in its shadow. --Suddenly, he remembered his doubts about the emergence and circumstances of its existence.

"That's right... Echidna. Before, after this tea party finished... I saw a witch outside, in the Sanctuary. What was that? What was it?"

"It's obvious, but that is the ``Witch of Envy''. Although, it was a fake that was far from the real thing. The body she chose as a vessel was immature, and on top of that, none of the seals have been removed. Without the witch factor, there's no way she could unleash her powers at her prime."

"So that's a long way from its heyday...?"

　Even the monster who didn't even care about Garfiel's beast form, killing everyone without even a scratch, was no comparison to the real "Witch of Envy."

　Just how hellish must it have been 400 years ago, when that witch actually roamed the land?

"As you may imagine, the reason he came out was because of this tea party. Here, there are taboos that can't even tie you down. So, driven mad by jealousy, he threw a tantrum and went on a rampage, trying to vent his frustration that he couldn't vent inside."

"You knew that was going to happen, didn't you?"

"I didn't know that. This was the first time. It was only when I saw it in reality that I came to the conclusion that that was it. Even though I'm the Witch of Greed, I'm no different from you guys in that I can't reach a conclusion until I see it for myself."

"――――"

　Subaru was at a loss for words as Echidna continued to maintain her stance as a bystander. Blaming her wouldn't accomplish anything. Even though he knew that, it was still frustrating.

　If she was willing, if she was willing to cooperate with Subaru, then perhaps――

"I don't think there was any particular reason why you chose the person you love as your vessel. Since you're both half-elves, it may have been easier to get along with her, but I think the main reason was nothing other than 'jealousy'."

"envy...?"

"From the perspective of a witch who wants to have your feelings all to herself, is it any wonder that she would hate and want to destroy the person you are so passionate about?"

　To love someone madly is to desire to be loved by someone just as much. And if that person's love is not directed towards you, the rage of that person may lead to insanity in order to direct it at yourself, which is a dramatic thing called "love."

　So is that why the ``Witch of Jealousy'' continues to behave like an embodiment of that evil?

"All your worries are known only to the Jealous Witch."

"――――"

"No matter how much I think about it, to be honest, I won't arrive at an answer. I can't come to a conclusion about the scene that drove you to a corner, or, above all, about the 'now that I don't know'."

"That's, that's..."

　For Subaru, this was nothing short of a cruel reality.

　He wanted her to clearly deny it. Subaru had seen it, there was no afterlife.

　If it wasn't possible, I wish you'd made it clear to me that your self-centeredness has cost you so much.

　No matter who had answered, Subaru would have taken the answer as a lesson, a reminder, and would never forget it, and he would have gritted his teeth, shed tears of blood, and taken a step forward even as his soul wailed.

　--And yet, isn't it too cruel to say that there is no answer?

　Are we being asked to live with the world hanging in the balance, with nothing being affirmed or denied?

　Without even knowing what he had trampled on. Without even realizing that he had abandoned what he had abandoned. Was not making Subaru realize that his sins were sins?

　Had Natsuki Subaru committed such an unforgivable crime?

　No one can judge Subaru. No one can denounce him. He knew that.

　--But, she won't even let Subaru himself do that?

"I know it's cruel, but I think I have no choice but to accept it."

　Echidna spoke those words to a devastated and speechless Subaru.

　Subaru slowly raised his head and looked at Echidna with empty eyes.

　Echidna caught Subaru's gaze, took a deep breath, and then said with a serious expression,

"The second 'trial' is, to put it in extreme terms, to accept the 'now' as the only present, and to accept any other 'now' as something from another world that is never within reach."

"――――"

"The reality is that this is a possibility, and it will be tough for you, as you have reasons to be more aware of it than the other challengers. But still, you have to switch gears."

"switching...?"

"Your choice may have certainly required many sacrifices. There are probably many things that you have left behind that you can never get back. But it is sad to spend all your time counting what you have left behind, what you have lost. It is empty. It is painful, don't you think?"

"If it's just a psychological theory, then I don't want you here....I hate to say it, but is this an experience that you can do something about with run-of-the-mill counseling, hey?"

　Echidna's words were pleasant to hear, comforting.

　That might have been an effective thing if the wound had been shallow, the crime committed minor, and the incident seemed more benign.

　Or perhaps I would feel saved, and be able to truly "switch gears."

　However,

"The reality remains the same, even if the things I've done are things I can't fix, and the consequences are irreversible. The reality remains the same, even if everything I've spent was built on sacrifices I mistakenly thought didn't exist, or could be erased."

"...That's right."

"In that situation, how can I affirm myself? What can I do to forgive myself? I even rejected the salvation you tried to offer me. I don't want to be saved by a fake Rem. I will take the real Rem back someday――but"

　Taking a deep breath, Subaru's face was all distorted and crumpled.

"--Is the Rem that I will someday get back really the one I want to save?"

"――――"

Subaru: "Until I find that answer, my heart will remain blocked on all sides. …You say you can somehow deal with that, that I can just accept it?"

"――――"

"Instead of counting the things you couldn't save, you should live your life counting the things you did save... Is that what you're telling me?"

　What Echidna wanted to say to Subaru was a kind of hope.

　Those words may have given Subaru hope as well.

　--However, the darkness Subaru had fallen into was not deep enough for him to see that as hope.

"You're telling me to resist... me with such ordinary mentality...?"

"--That's what I would say."

"――――"

"That's what I tell you."

　Shaking off the words of comfort, Subaru raised his voice in the depths of despair, and Echidna spoke.

　Slowly, as if savouring the words, Echidna looked straight at Subaru and spoke.

"Instead of counting the many you could not have saved, you should count the many you could have saved. I see that now, in the journey that got you here."

"What did I do... what did I do to you..."

"I have seen that up until this point, you have lived your life with all your might and all your heart and soul. So I can say this. I can say it."

"――――"

"Not a single moment on the path you have walked so far has been wasted. No one has the right to say that your whole heart and soul was 'not enough'. You have thrown everything you have into your journey up to this moment. That is something to be proud of."

　Echidna's sincere words struck Subaru's empty chest. Something resonated within his hollow interior. --But it wasn't enough. Those words wouldn't get him to stand up.

　Even if it was said to be something to be proud of, it was true that Subaru had missed out on a lot. He could have done something about it. Someone other than Subaru would have done better under the same circumstances. And yet, because it was Subaru who was here, he was unable to save much.

　That was Subaru's fault. Subaru's crime. A sin that Subaru must acknowledge and atone for.

"I can't forgive anyone"

"I will forgive you. I know that."

"I can't judge anyone"

"I will be the judge. I know your sins."

"--No one can affirm me."

"If you can't accept yourself, then I'll deny the part of yourself that you can't accept."

"――――"

"If you affirm your sins, I will deny your sins."

　Echidna continued to persist, trying to brush off everything Subaru was saying.

　Why is this witch so adamant in denying Subaru's crimes?

　Why does this witch try so many times to dispel the darkness in Subaru's heart?

"Why are you trying so hard to do something to me?"

"...It's a bit mean to make a girl say that."

　Echidna had never hesitated to speak up until then, but now for the first time she hesitated slightly.

　Then, with her face still slightly red, Echidna cleared her throat, and,

"--Would you mind making a contract with me, Natsuki Subaru?"

　It was a quiet, yet strong-willed voice.

　Subaru blinked at those words, and it took time for them to sink in and be understood.

"Kei, yaku...?"

"Yes, a contract. A formal contract with the "Witch of Greed"――shall we make it?"

"Even if we exchange that information... what will it bring?"

"It's simple. From now on, when you come up against an obstacle that you can't solve, I'll rack my brains together with you as you overcome that wall. When you wish someone would say something, I'll try my best to give you the words you want in return. When you feel like you're being crushed by your own sins, I'll help you push away the sins that are threatening to crush you."

　Echidna said in one breath and gave a bashful smile.

"Would you be so kind as to make such a contract?"

"...You're a dead person, so aren't you supposed to be able to interfere with reality?"

"I guess I'll be crossing the line into the realm of the dead. It's a bit late now, but I don't think that's such a bad thing… if you can forgive me."

　Echidna placed her hand on her chest and bowed her head as she spoke, sending tremors through Subaru's eardrums. The tremors were transmitted throughout his body, gradually heating up and spreading through his bloodstream throughout his entire body.

　The sense of touch returns to his hands, which had been feeling numb.

　The tip of his tongue, which had been parched, regained movement with a slight moisture, and his eyes, which had forgotten to blink, were gradually filled with something warm, as if forgetting their dryness.

　I am unsure how to respond to the outstretched hand, the offer, the suggestion, the words of help.

　He vowed to keep struggling, and when he began to lose sight of what that meant, the Witch told him that she would support him in his efforts.

"I don't mean to brag, but I am confident in my knowledge. I believe I can prepare a solution for most problems I face, and no matter what absurd circumstances befall you, unlike those around you, it won't take any effort to persuade you. Above all, I can understand your "Return by Death".

"That's too fast. Are you telling me the selling point?"

"I think it's only natural for me to explain the benefits of making a contract with you. If I can buy you even a little peace of mind like this, I think that can be considered a benefit."

　Taking advantage of Subaru's words, Echidna even uses them as a selling point for herself. Seeing this witch in such a way, Subaru can't help but smile.

　Suddenly, I feel the air peacefully escaping from my lungs, and I sigh, "Ah."

　Feeling the grassland breeze on my neck, I leaned back in my chair and looked up at the sky.

　White clouds can be seen floating in the artificial blue sky.

　When you're stuck, when you can't see the answer, when you're faced with difficulties.

　--If only we could once again exchange words in search of a conclusion, under the clear blue sky like this.

"That might be a good idea too..."

"--So that means?"

　Echidna noisily rose from her chair and instinctively clenched her fists, looking down at Subaru. Seeing Subaru's gaze as he leaned back in his chair, Echidna's face turned pale, as if ashamed of having done such a thing,

"Ah, well... well, if you insist, I'll make that contract..."

Subaru: "It's too late to try and cover it up now. I mean, it wasn't me who asked, you were the one who asked… No, in this case, is it too rude to bring that up?"

　Although it was Echidna's offer, it was purely to save Subaru's heart.

　To put it bluntly, this is the Witch's kindness. The fact that Subaru doesn't have to cling to it is because the Witch is considerate of Subaru.

　Is it possible to help someone like this, no matter where you go or who you are?

　Subaru leans forward as he pushes his body up from the backrest and stands up.

　Echidna, standing within reach, looked up at Subaru, who was now slightly higher in eye level, with an uneasy expression on her face.

　I think the witch is cunning with every little movement.

　Since I was saved by it, I'm definitely in a position where I can't say anything.

"How do you make a contract?"

"--If we're going to make a formal contract, then I'll connect the path between you and me. I'll take care of the detailed arrangements... but for now, I'll have your hand."

　Echidna lifts her right hand and points her white palm towards Subaru.

　I guess it means to place your palm on top of that one.

　Subaru looked at the witch in front of him, unable to hide her subtle happiness as her mouth curved into a grin. He felt the poison in his body being taken away, and let out a small sigh,

"I wonder if this will change the wind's direction a little..."

　Yes, with no small amount of hope for the future, he placed his palm on hers.

　impact.

　A cracking sound echoed, and the white table with the cup on it exploded right next to Subaru.

　The impact of the table breaking traveled straight through the ground, creating a crater of destruction in the ground, and Subaru let out a cry of surprise as the ground rumbled and quake shook violently beneath his feet.

"---I'm putting a stop to that contract."

　The blonde haired, blue eyed girl slammed her fist into the ground and declared with authority.

　--The ``Witch of Wrath'' glared at the two of them with intense anger.