Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu web novel

Subaru was so stunned by what had just happened that he forgot the pain of being hit.

　Otto was lying on the ground, glaring at Subaru who had raised his head. His face was usually one of pitiful or polite laughter, and he never showed any strong emotion, but there was a flame of rage floating in his eyes.

　Otto Suen looked down at Subaru with anger in his eyes.

"I don't know what to do, my mind is all messed up."

"――――"

"There are so many places where you need to lend a hand, but you don't have the skills, brains, or strength to do it yourself, and you're just struggling against the fact that time is passing by so quickly."

　Otto called out to the silent Subaru, slowly closing in on him.

　Subaru was still on the ground, unable to move; all he could do was look at Otto, grimacing at the heat now starting to build up on his left cheek.

"To remain silent is to affirm without denial. At the very least, in our world, it's the lowest act that only leads to being taken advantage of. --Can you hear me?"

　Otto then stretched out his arm towards the speechless Subaru, grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up,

"If you can hear me, answer me!"

"----!"

　Something sharp and hard hit him on the forehead, sending sparks flying across Subaru's vision.

　Subaru, feeling dizzy, realized he'd been headbutted by Otto before him.Otto then delivered another blow to the dizzy Subaru, headbutting him once more, knocking him straight through the chest.

　Pain in his forehead, pain in his cheek, Subaru was pushed away and stomped down. As expected, after being treated like this, he couldn't just stay silent――,

"What are you doing..."

"Oh my, you were still conscious, considering how much you'd been beaten up. I thought you were asleep so I did all sorts of rough things to you that you're not used to."

"You mean――?!"

　Tears in his eyes after the second headbutt landed on his nose, Subaru gave in to his anger and went to grab Otto, but Otto dodged his outstretched arm by sliding sideways, and instead he was violently swept under his feet, sending him tumbling down.

"Gah!?"

"Just when you thought your blood was rushing to your head, you suddenly start to forget where you stood. That's exactly what Natsuki's behavior is like, pathetic."

"Really...?!"

　Jumping up from his fallen position, Subaru throws the earth he had been clutching at Otto's face. However, as if he had predicted this, Otto guards his face with his arm, and approaches Subaru, who is shocked that his blinding attempt has been read and slows down to make his next move. Grabbing the back of the collar of the gasping Subaru, he places his hand on his stomach and throws him in one go.

　Subaru was thrown back onto the ground and bounced, his breath hitching from the impact and pain.

　Although the place where it was thrown was covered with fallen leaves, this did not mean that all of the impact was absorbed.

　Subaru felt a numbness running down to the tips of his limbs, and was panting, unable to even stand up.

"I guess it's typical of you to try and use tricks like that, Natsuki. But I had that in mind when we faced each other so it didn't work on me."

"... Ah."

"Right, Natsuki-san. That's just how strong your power is. It's no match for the knights, Roswaal-sama, or even Garfiel. It's even like this with me."

　As Subaru frantically pumped oxygen into his spasming lungs, Otto shook his head in exasperation, and his words pierced him.

　Otto walked up to Subaru, who was unable to argue, crouched down and put his face close to him,

"It's outrageous to even consider taking on the White Whale or the Witch Cult. Natsuki-san is weak, and if I were to fight her honestly I'd be killed with a single fingertip at best. Even I should know that."

"――――"

"So, do you make up for what you lack in strength with wisdom? From what I've seen, Natsuki-san does seem to have a fairly cunning mind… but that doesn't mean that she has an average level of thinking ability or judgement. She even lacks common sense."

　Subaru wasn't sure what Otto was trying to say, and his breathing was heavy with irritation.

　The spasms in his lungs, the impact of the throw, and the pain in his forehead and cheeks were starting to fade. Instead, his calm had returned, and he couldn't understand the true meaning of Otto's words that were being thrown at him one after the other.

　Looking down at Subaru, whose black eyes held a lack of understanding, Otto continued.

"You lack both strength and wisdom, but if you ask whether there is anything else you have that can make up for that… there is nothing in particular. Natsuki-san is small, with short arms, just like any other person. And yet, despite being such a person, you desire things that are beyond your ability."

"Y-You...what have you been doing all this time?"

Subaru: "Unable to reach her goal, aware of her own inadequacy, and wondering what she would do with her second-best thinking, she pushed herself even harder, wearing herself down in an attempt to pull out something that didn't even exist… I finally understood Patrasche's feelings."

"Patrasche...?"

　Upon hearing the Earth Dragon's name, Subaru's eyes widened in shock.

　Patrasche. The jet-black earth dragon was a beloved dragon that Subaru found too good to be true, and even got injured to save his master when he found himself in a humiliating predicament. Subaru shook his head in confusion, saying he didn't understand why he was being treated so well by him, but he was also his benefactor - his benefactor dragon - and taught him important things.

　Otto understood Patrasche's feelings and said:

　As Subaru blinked, Otto ran his fingers through his own grey hair and said with an irritated tone in his voice, "You see..."

"It's fine to put on airs in front of the woman you're in love with. I think it's a necessary act of vanity, so we should respect that. But it can't be helped if you want to act or say things that are beyond your ability. Let's just overlook that."

　He was probably referring to Emilia. He was referring to Subaru's attitude towards Emilia.

"Let's also allow a guy to show off in front of a girl who likes him. This is also necessary. I think that in a relationship of love and crush, the person who is liked also has a responsibility. It's important to show off for the person who likes you. Let's allow it."

　He must be talking about Rem. Subaru had once said the same thing in front of Otto. That he was trying to look cool in front of Rem. Because she was a girl who liked him.

"But that's it."

　With that statement, Otto moves his face closer.

　Subaru hunched his shoulders, fearing he would receive another headbutt, but Otto looked as if he was about to snap at him.

"You know it's not enough, don't you? You know you can't reach it, don't you? You want to look good in front of the girl you like, don't you? You want to be someone the girl who likes you can be proud of, don't you?"

"――――"

"In that case, wouldn't it be better for those children to ask for help from someone to make up for the parts they can't see? --For example, a friend."

　Otto pulls away from my face, places his palm on his chest, and tells me the last part.

　Hearing his words, Subaru let out a small sigh.

　To be honest, what Subaru thought at that moment was simply, "Is that so?"

　It's not that he's never thought about relying on someone like that. Of course. Just as Otto said, Subaru is aware of his own weaknesses and shortcomings. He's not arrogant enough to think he can do everything on his own, nor does he think highly of himself.

　In fact, hadn't Subaru rushed around asking Echidna and Roswaal for help to make up for his own shortcomings?

　As a result, he was unable to get any cooperation from the two of them, and instead, Subaru was left even more hurt by having to learn the truth he didn't want to know.

　But that doesn't mean we didn't try the solution Otto spoke of. Otto's argument is wrong. That path is already closed.

"--teeth"

"What's so strange about that?"

　As the conclusion came to his mind, it also took shape on his cheeks. Seeing this, Otto frowned in displeasure, Subaru fixed his gaze on Otto with his face red and swollen,

Subaru: "That's a completely wrong assumption on your part… It's not like I didn't rely on anyone either. I thought I could do something, I tried everything I could think of. I tried to rely on people I believed I could rely on, and then…"

　My expectations had been betrayed, but I still couldn't give up, so I just held my head in my hands.

　To top it all off, Emilia's thoughts that she "has to protect her" and "has to help her" were denied, making him realize that he had looked down on Emilia and thought of her as "a weak being who needs to be protected".

　Subaru has gone through a variety of experiences, met a variety of people, said cool things, barked about how he'd make things happen, denied his resolve to die and resolved to live, and in all those ways it seemed as if he was making progress, even if only a little, but in the end, he hasn't taken a single step forward or backward.

　I can't find a single way to change this deadlock.

　Even the dry smile was gone, and a cold, stiff expression covered Subaru's cheeks.

　Subaru's quiet lament made Otto's lips tremble,

"...But I don't remember Natsuki relying on me like that yet."

"――――"

Subaru: "Maybe you've just given up on me, thinking that I'm not worth relying on, that there's no point in relying on you. Or maybe, in your eyes, Natsuki… I'm someone you feel like you have to protect."

　His trembling voice was making his emotions all the more excited in an attempt to suppress them.

　It was Otto's anger, his sadness, a glimpse of his undirected passion.

　Touched by the aftereffects of Otto's overflowing emotions, Subaru realized he might have unintentionally hurt Otto with his words, and quickly shook his head.

"different"

"What's different? It would be strange if it wasn't. Otherwise, why would you be crouching there by yourself without saying anything?"

"The reason I haven't told you anything... well, it's not because I don't trust you or anything like that. It's not like that."

"――――"

　Subaru shook his head and his eyes wandered, but Otto remained silent.

　She just stares at Subaru with her green eyes.

　Subaru lowered his eyes from the pressure of her gaze, hesitated, and put his hand to his forehead.

　It's not that he doesn't trust Otto. He is sincerely grateful for his kindness in risking his life to protect Subaru in the loop, and for putting up with the current situation that isn't directly linked to money. And when he says he's his friend, he's not lying.

　But how could he possibly explain the current situation to Otto?

　It would be fine if it was someone who was familiar with Subaru's circumstances, like Echidna or Roswaal. Even if he avoided anything that would touch on the forbidden conditions, the conversation would still be valid.

　But Otto was different. And it wasn't just Otto. Emilia, Ram, and the other people connected to the Sanctuary all knew nothing of the circumstances Subaru was facing.

　Without telling him about the witch and "Return by Death," there is no way to explain the predicament Subaru finds himself in. Even if he is told what is going to happen, that there will be an attack by the Great Rabbit and an attack on the mansion, how could he know about it, and what is his basis for doing so - Subaru is unable to provide any of that information.

　In that situation, how can you expect the other person to believe you?

　We are aware that we lack strength, wisdom, and weakness.

　So ultimately, Subaru will probably not be able to achieve his wish without the help of others, and he believes it is his role to pave the way for him to obtain that necessary cooperation.

　However, it is simply unable to fulfill its necessary role and has come to a standstill.

"I can't explain it well. My head is a mess... Just like you said, everything's a mess... I can't give a coherent explanation."

"..."

"Even if I tell you, you won't believe me... I don't know what to say or how to say it... So, I haven't told you or anyone else anything..."

"...Try saying it."

"--picture?"

　As Subaru muttered that he couldn't provide any evidence or reason for others to believe him, Otto said to him.

　Subaru instinctively looked up, and Otto looked down at him with his arms crossed.

"So, just tell me what you want to say. Even if it doesn't make sense, or if it's all messed up, or if your mind is so chaotic you can't speak coherently, I won't cut you off, but will listen to you right to the end."

"No, but then..."

"That's why... That! I told you not to try and act cool!"

　Kicking the ground, Otto shouted, seemingly unable to bear it any longer.

　Subaru's eyes widened at the sudden loud voice, and Otto pointed his finger at him,

"If you have the time to agonize over complicated things like there's no evidence to be trusted, there's no basis for trust, you can't talk logically, etc., it would be much more constructive to just let it all out and let it all out from your head than to just squat down!"

"Even so... I! To make you believe that nonsense...!"

"---I'll tell you the whole story! And then, in the end, you can just say, 'Trust me!' We're friends after all!!"

　—It felt as if all the jumble of mixed emotions in his head had been completely blown away by Otto's shouted voice.

　Those words are so lacking in evidence that they have no theoretical persuasive power whatsoever.

　And yet, something was enough to give Subaru the push he needed, as he was frozen in place and unable to move.

"You might not believe me though..."

　It didn't take long for him to start slowly opening up about the problems he'd been keeping to himself.

※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※

"On top of that, Roswaal had assassins attack the mansion... and now he's trying to drive me and Emilia into a place with no way to escape... it seems."

　Fearing the appearance of the forbidden arm, Subaru carefully finished explaining the situation.

　Otto, meanwhile, didn't say a word, just furrowed his brow and continued to listen in silence to what Subaru had to say.

"Right now, the information I have… it's not that reliable, but anyway, it's everything. Nothing to hide, everything."

　Of course, the tea party with the witch who can't speak and the "Return by Death" part are exceptions.

　Since I left that part blank, the evidence was full of holes. Even I felt sick talking about it because the connections between the pieces of information were so vague.

　That was why Otto's reaction as he listened to what he had said concerned him. "Believe me," he declared, and all that was left to be added to the end of his sentence. What did he make of what he had just said?

"Natsuki-san..."

"..."

　After a long moment of silent contemplation, Otto uncrossed his arms and looked at Subaru. Seeing himself reflected in those green eyes, Subaru unintentionally gasped.

　I could hear the sound of my heartbeat, feeling awfully loud, wondering how that first word would be spoken.

　And then, as Subaru stiffened, Otto spoke.

"Can't I just pretend I didn't hear that and run away?"

"Wha--ah?!"

　Subaru was surprised and raised his voice at the unexpected reply. However, Otto, hearing Subaru's surprise, shouted even louder, "But!"

"Not only are we trapped in a place where a Great Rabbit is attacking us, but the only way to escape is to rely on Emilia-sama, who is uncertain as to whether she can break through the 'Trials', and when we try to move at least the people who aren't caught in the barrier, the mansion gets in the way without us knowing, and when we somehow manage to get back to the mansion, an assassin has arrived on the orders of the mansion's owner… What kind of situation is this!?"

"I want to know! Why did I have to be forced into such a confusing situation? I knew it, but does God really hate me? I hate him too!"

　If there is a god who controls fate, then that god undoubtedly hates Subaru. He hadn't done anything to deserve that, but this was unreasonable.

　However, even if you blame God for that, things will not progress, regress, change, or become less difficult.

"Wait a second, Otto. I honestly understand why you're making such a fuss, but… do you really believe this absurd story?"

"――――"

"There are some nasty monsters closing in, we can't escape without Emilia standing there, Garfiel is getting in the way of everyone's escape, and Roswaal is betraying us with some incomprehensible plan… Do you really believe that story?"

　Even though I say it myself, it's a situation that has brought together only inconvenient circumstances.

　The most problematic points are the rabbit's attack, for which there is no evidence to support it, and the fact that Roswaal is the mastermind behind the attack on the mansion. These are the two most fatal issues, yet there is no evidence whatsoever to convince others of them.

　As for the Great Rabbit, how did he interpret this as an omen of a magical beast that everyone in this world desires?

　As for Roswaal, why is he plotting something that is disadvantageous to Emilia, who he must be on his side in the royal selection?

　Subaru couldn't explain either of these things.

"Natsuki-san."

　Otto closed his eyes for a moment before answering Subaru's question.

　He held up one finger.

"Up until now, I've traveled to a lot of different places and have had interactions with a lot of people."

"...You can't tell if you can trust someone just by looking at their eyes?"

"No, I don't believe in such superstitions. Being a merchant gives you plenty of opportunities to see just how much people can deceive and ensnare others with a clear gaze. I have quite a bit of experience in that regard."

　It may seem like boasting, but doesn't that mean that you've been deceived that much?

　Subaru couldn't bring himself to interrupt in the middle of an important conversation, so Otto continued on as Subaru kept his mouth shut.

"Well, that's how I met all kinds of people and did business in my own way. It's been about four years since I left my parents' house and started peddling, and for better or worse, I've somehow managed to survive."

　Although Otto speaks in a light-hearted tone, it probably hasn't been an easy journey.

　Surely there must have been many situations where it was a matter of life and death.

　In a world where simply crossing a plain could mean encountering a white whale, it was easy to imagine all the dangers a traveling merchant might face, including wild dogs, burglars, and similar threats.

"In those days, I too have lived as a merchant… but I am confident that up until now, I have always sided with those who I calculated had a high chance of success. That doesn't mean that the results have always been good… or rather, those who I thought had a chance of winning have always suffered incredible misfortune, so the results have not followed."

"Hey, hey, hey..."

"Apart from the outcome, I have made decisions that I will never regret. I think it's important to be clear when entrusting or gambling something of yourself."

　It was unclear what Otto's criteria for making choices was, but it seemed that up until now he had only followed those with the highest odds of success, according to his own calculations.

　The reason he accompanied her to Sanctuary in order to find a connection with Roswaal was because he wanted to meet Roswaal face to face, considering the repercussions that would follow. Otto is acting like a realist in this regard.

　That was why she was sure that there was no way they would listen to Subaru's words, which were based on no evidence and had no hope of winning――

"So this is your first time, Natsuki-san."

"--picture?"

　Subaru looked at Otto with his mouth agape, wondering what he was going to say.

　Otto looked at Subaru with a ridiculously cheerful face,

"This is the first time I've ignored the odds and taken a chance on something that has no chance of winning."

　", he declared.

※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※

　My legs are weak and I'm out of breath.

　Subaru's body was whirling with the wind as he followed his mind across the grass, dragging along a sense of frustration.

　Cutting through the cool morning air, I swing my arms widely and take big steps.

　Kicking the dirt, stepping on stones, I made a straight line along the shoddy path that had been roughly leveled.

　Before long, the building he was aiming for came into Subaru's field of vision as he ran.

　Subaru's cheeks twisted in unintentional elation, his teeth bared. With his tongue out like a dog and panting heavily, he stretched his hands out to the entrance of the building as if jumping.

　and,

"--Roswaal!"

　Swinging the door open violently, Subaru tumbled into the building. He stepped over the entrance and ran through the living room connected to the bedroom, pushing open the thin door with enough force to almost tear it apart.

　In the bedroom, Roswaal was sitting up in bed, and Ram was busily looking after him, and they both looked at Subaru with looks of surprise on their faces.

　It was unusual for the normally carefree Roswaal and Ram, who pretended to be emotionless and impudent, to react as if they had been taken by surprise.

　It's an auspicious moment as we try to do something that has never been done before.

　Turning their surprise into such a positive thought, Subaru pointed his finger at the still speechless master and servant,

"--Let's make a bet. Our wishes, yours and mine, will be our chips."