Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu web novel

"--picture?"

　For a moment, not understanding what he had been told, Subaru spoke in a dazed voice.

　Subaru had his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open. Emilia, gazing at him, began to give form to her own thoughts,

"I'm really happy that Subaru thinks of me like that, that he says things like that, and that he acts like that. I really, really trust him, and I really, really rely on him. …But, trying to find an escape route like that is no good."

"I-I told you it's no good... You can't just force such a one-sided problem on me!"

"I was the one who decided to take on the challenge. There is a place I need to reach, and there are obstacles I need to overcome in order to get there, and now I need to work hard to overcome them. I don't want to make excuses about that."

　Subaru was shocked to see Emilia with her lips tightly pressed together and determination in her eyes.

　Her face was resolute and radiant with a strong will, no longer the weak girl who couldn't even walk down the street unless Subaru reached out his hand to pull her along.

　Why? How? As questions filled his mind, Subaru shook his head.

"I think your resolve is admirable, Emilia. But you and this 'Trial' are just not compatible. Taking on a battle with no chance of winning… without a plan, I don't think it's honorable."

"...The chances of winning still seem slim."

"..."

　Subaru was unable to find the words to cover it up and remained silent, causing Emilia to give a wry smile. Her eyebrows slightly drooped, as she took the assessment of her self honestly.

　I felt like a terribly inadequate person, unable to even think of the right words to follow up.

Subaru: "Can't we at least wait until we find a clue? If we are given time, I'm sure… I can create a better situation. Then Emilia will be able to relax a lot more…"

"No, that's no good, Subaru. I kind of understand. —There's surely no shortcut or escape route to the 'Trials' in that tomb."

"――――"

"It's strange, but I understand that. Even if I take the time, if I'm not mentally prepared to take on the challenge, the result will probably be the same. I understand that."

"a..."

　There are no negative words.

　Although he didn't know the details of the nature of the Trials, Subaru agreed with Emilia about the rules she had sensed.

　The content and quality of the Trials do not become any easier or more severe, no matter how many times one attempts them. The same conditions and content greet the challenger. The nature of the Trials does not change, but the outcome can be different depending on the will of the challenger - something Echidna seems to like.

　It was a great surprise to Subaru that his comforting words had been seen through, and that Emilia had grasped the true nature of the Trials better than he had imagined.

　And yet, as Subaru desperately tried to string words together,

"Hey, Subaru. Why are you trying to help me?"

"――――"

　The question posed in advance is a question of great importance that has been posed before.

　How desperately Subaru must have tried to find the answer. How many hardships he must have overcome to convey it to Emilia.

　So, when asked the same question, Subaru can answer clearly and without hesitation.

"The reason I want to help you is because I love you. ーーBecause I love every bit of you."

"--Hm. Yes, I know. Subaru loves me a lot, after all."

"――――"

"I'm so happy to hear those feelings from Subaru. So, so reliable. So, so counting on you. Just knowing that you're looking out for me like that will give me the strength to do my best."

　Placing her hand on her chest, Emilia blushed slightly and closed her eyes.

　With deep emotion in her heart, she continued, "So..."

"Don't worry about having to do something. Just knowing that you're watching over me will help me do my best. If you want to do something, if you'll listen to my selfish requests, then I want you to be by my side. I want you to have my back and support me."

"Emilia..."

"When I start to wobble, if I have a hand supporting my back, I'm sure I'll be able to stop. When I start to waver like that, I want Subaru to be by my side."

"――――"

"Thank you for always walking in front of me, moving stones aside so I don't fall, leveling the path, clearing out vegetation, and trying to lead me by the hand. But if you keep doing that to me, I'm sure I'll end up relying on you more and more. I'm lazy at heart."

"S-S-S-T-R-E-S-T."

　I try to have a normal conversation, but the words just won't come out.

　Subaru couldn't control the swelling emotions inside his chest. What was it that he couldn't put into words, couldn't understand? But he continued to face Emilia, gritting his molars, so as not to let that strong presence take away his emotions.

"I've always been spoiled, spoiled, spoiled… so this time, I'm going to try and do something different. Every time I fail, I'm worried about making Subaru and everyone else worry… but I'll try to get over it as quickly as possible so that doesn't happen."

　Emilia smiled bravely at Subaru, who was unable to continue speaking.

"Please stay by my side and watch over me as I work hard. That is what I would like to ask of you, Subaru."

※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※

「――――!!」

　Cutting through the wind. Let your legs run wild, let your heart race.

　He raced up the unstable slope, getting abrasions from the pain of his cheeks rubbing against the branches, and nearly falling over many times, but he kept running as long as he could breathe.

"----!!"

　Raising a voiceless voice, opening his throat as if it were going to burst, he looked up at the sky through the gaps in the dense greenery that blocked out the night darkness, gazed at the twinkling moon and stars that shone awfully pale in the clear air, and screamed.

　--Just like that, I wanted to purge all the foolishness from within my body, and empty everything.

　--The smile Emilia showed at the end, filled with strong determination, is burned into my memory.

　That smile, the resolve he'd been told, and Subaru's own misconception. All these things combined to finally make him understand the true nature of the impulse swelling up from inside, burning his chest.

　And it was precisely because he understood the true nature of that impulse that Subaru could no longer sit still, and immediately after parting ways with Emilia, he impulsively ran into the forest and ran around like a beast.

　It wouldn't let him stop, it wouldn't even let him sleep, and every time he remembered Emilia, the rage that threatened to burst into flames―― this emotion, people called "shame".

　Shame took control of Subaru's entire body, refusing to allow him to just stand there.

"I... I...!"

　So stupid. So truly, so hopelessly stupid, so hopeless.

　When Roswaal had called Emilia that, Subaru had flew into a rage and lashed out. He bared his fangs, yelling that he would not tolerate the words and attitude that insulted and belittled her.

　It was only when he met Emilia immediately after that exchange, confessed everything he wanted to do for her, and was rejected that he realized for the first time.

　ーーSubaru was the one who least trusted Emilia's resolve, determination, and strength.

　I have to protect her. I don't want to make her feel pain or sadness.

　Subaru held these words in mind as he racked his brains for ways to keep Emilia away from hardship. He would try to take on the Trials in her place, and if that didn't work out, he would look for a way around it that wouldn't require her to undergo the Trials, and if he thought that even that was risky――at worst, he would just have to deal with the Great Rabbit, which was the cause of the time limit that required them to escape the Sanctuary, and he racked his brains for a way to avoid plunging Emilia into the Trials from every direction.

　While Subaru was plotting to protect Emilia out of his selfish and self-centered desire to protect, Emilia had strengthened her own resolve and determination that night, deciding to face the ``Trial'' head-on rather than running away from it.

　She had hoped that Subaru would support her in her determination to do so.

　It was none other than Natsuki Subaru who underestimated the girl called Emilia the most.

「――――!!」

　The moment he realized this, Subaru was hit over the head with an unbearable sense of shame.

　Subaru gave an incomprehensible response to Emilia, who was looking for an answer from him, and he raised his hands to her worried expression and ran away. He then ran into the forest, and that's how it ended.

　In the former royal capital, Subaru had hurt Emilia with the same self-centeredness.

　Not knowing Emilia's thoughts or resolve, and arrogant about his newly acquired authority, he did not tell her the true meaning of his selfish behavior, which led to a separation between Subaru and Emilia.

　Because of that incident, and because he had established his feelings for her and how he wanted to show them, Subaru was able to stand here now.

　--And yet, Subaru was wrong once again.

　She gets hurt in Emilia's place, she shoulders Emilia's hardships, and she paves the way for Emilia.

　The way he handled it, neither boasting about it to Emilia nor showing it off to others, may have seemed like a slight improvement compared to beforeーー but in reality, nothing had changed at all.

　We've just gotten better at hiding the hurt.

　It's just that the arrogance of boasting about one's injuries has disappeared.

　Nothing has changed since he forced his selfish ideas on Emilia and shouted that this was the right thing to do.

"I... I... gah"

　Out of breath, he raised his head gasping for air, and the moment a thick branch ran across his forehead, he was hit. The moment he leaned back in pain, the ground beneath his feet gave way and he felt himself being thrown into the air.

　Falling on his side, Subaru rolled across the ground covered in dirt and fallen leaves, and ended up sprawled out on the ground.

　With my back pressed against the cold earth, which seemed to suck all the heat out of me, I looked straight up at the sky, breathing heavily. I could see the night sky through a gap between the trees.

　In this world without streetlights, the stars shine brightly in the clear air, stinging the skin. Looking down on the star-filled sky, surrounded by unfamiliar constellations, Subaru melts into a whirlpool of mixed emotions: his own smallness, uncertainty about the future, and tangible fear.

　Suddenly, fatigue hits me and I can no longer stay conscious.

　It was a raging time. Not only was the fatigue that had built up physically, but the fatigue that had piled up in his mind was dragging Subaru deeper into the darkness.

　"Return by Death." The witch's tea party. Roswaal's true intentions. And Emilia, who has become arrogant and is prepared to stand alone.

　With these thoughts in mind, what should Subaru do to find the answer?

※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※

"You're in quite a good position, aren't you?"

　The first thing Subaru noticed upon waking up was a chill and a careless voice.

　Subaru opened his eyes, his eyelids trembling in the cold sunlight, and grimaced. Looking directly at the sun peeking through the trees, his eyes watering as he tried to stand up,

"Ah, that hurts..."

　There was a sound like the creaking of stiff joints, and Subaru groaned in pain.

　My body had been lying on the hard ground, and the cold of the earth and air had made it very stiff, and every time I tried to move my joints to loosen them up, I felt a dull pain.

"I don't know what that means, but I don't recommend sleeping in a place without a roof. It's like, 'As long as you have a roof, a floor, and some Gauran, you can survive.'"

"Gauran... no, more importantly..."

　Shaking his head, Subaru looked down at the source of the rough voice - at Subaru, who was sitting on the ground, and up at Garfiel, who was chattering his canines.

　At the same time, Subaru regained consciousness and remembered the situation he found himself in.

"Is that so... I fell asleep like that last night..."

"I was going about my morning routine when I smelled your scent coming from the forest and I wondered what to do. You were sprawled out, so I wondered if someone had ambush you in a hurry."

"If you're the leading candidate and you're not doing it, no one else will. What time is it now?"

　I asked Garfiel, placing my hand on my forehead and shaking my heavy head. Garfiel snorted, "Hah," and

"There's no need to be in such a hurry. It's definitely before breakfast time. The only people up early are probably old men and old ladies, and us."

"In that case, there won't be any fuss about me not returning. …Before that happens, we need to return to the cathedral or it will become troublesome…No, that's not the point now…"

　If Subaru did not return by nightfall, Otto, who had returned earlier, might become suspicious and cause a commotion. That in itself would not have been a problem, but he wanted to avoid spreading anxiety among the refugees of Aram Village. With so many problems piling up, causing discord through his own carelessness would be the worst kind of taboo.

"...Last night, your face looked quite different again."

"a?"

　Garfiel called out to Subaru, who had clung to a nearby tree and was turning his head. Turning around, he was roughly scratching his own short blond hair,

Subaru: "Unlike yesterday when I wasn't sure if you had any composure or not, right now you… you look kind of refreshed."

"――――"

"Tch, that's not right either. Shit, I can't really explain it... hey, what are you laughing at?"

"Kuh, haha..."

　At Garfiel's remark, Subaru put his hand to his cheek, and feeling his mouth relax slightly, he let out a trembling smile from deep in his throat.

　It was low and stagnant, but gradually it grew louder.

"Hahaha! I feel refreshed! I see, it does seem that way."

"Huh! What's so strange about that..."

"It's the opposite, Garfiel. Completely, completely the opposite."

"Huh?"

　Suppressing the urge to laugh, Subaru pointed his finger at Garfiel.

　and,

"I haven't felt any better. My insides are so full, I honestly feel like I might burst at any moment. Everything I've tried to do has been denied, everything I've been determined to do has backfired... I honestly don't know what to do."

"――――"

"When you realize you're seriously at a dead end, it's almost laughable. If everything you've tried to do has failed... then you'll have to start again."

　Subaru muttered weakly and dropped his shoulders.

　If you were wrong from the beginning, then all the thoughts you have accumulated since then will be wrong too.

　The time limit for solving the problem is fast approaching, and you realize it's too late, that you got the formula wrong from the beginning. What's even more frustrating is that the problem you're facing again seems like the kind of problem you haven't been taught how to solve yet.

　Garfiel wrinkles his nose, unsure of what to say to Subaru, who appears depressed. He knows that even if he asks Garfiel a question, he won't get a clear answer, so this is simply jealousy.

　An awkward silence fell between them -- and then it happened.

"--Shall I tell you what to do?"

"----!"

　Suddenly, a voice came from above, causing Subaru to turn around in a panic. Garfiel looked up in the same direction as Subaru, but he showed no sign of surprise, likely because he had sensed what was going on.

　As I turned around, I saw someone walking towards me through the gaps in the trees.

"...Otto?"

"Yes, hello, good morning. Yes, it's me."

　There was a dry sound of branches breaking, and Otto, sporting a somewhat innocent smile, walked over to me. Subaru was shocked by his sudden appearance, but Garfiel clicked his tongue softly,

"Just so you know, I only found him a while ago. It's not like I forgot about you and was busy talking."

"I don't doubt you like that. I'm glad that Natsuki-san was found unharmed. —Above all, can I ask you a favor while I'm at it?"

"...Tell me."

"May I leave you alone, Natsuki? There's something I want to talk to you about."

　As Subaru struggles to comprehend the situation, Otto and Garfiel exchange words with a knowing look. Then, at Otto's final offer, Garfiel grits his teeth, then glances in Subaru's direction, and,

"Don't try anything weird."

　With that, he leaves the place.

　Garfiel stepped on the grass, passed through the forest, and returned to the Sanctuary. Subaru watched as he left him behind, moistening his dry lips with his tongue,

"Somehow, before I knew it, it seems I've started to communicate with Garfiel."

"While you've been busy, Natsuki-san, it's not like I've been doing nothing either. I've been deepening my interactions with the people here and the evacuees… well, that's not important right now."

　In response to Subaru's question, Otto gestured to stop what he was saying, and stared fixedly at Subaru with his eyes. No, his gaze was too strong to be called a stare. It was clearly a glare.

"What is this..."

　Feeling uncomfortable under her gaze, Subaru tried to speak vaguely and weakly. Hearing this, Otto sighed softly,

"I've only heard a vague bit of the story. It seems like you're being pushed into a corner, Natsuki, by a lot of different things."

"――――"

"Of course, I don't know the details because I'm out of the loop. They must have reached a dead end, right? I could hear them whining about what to do."

"In that case, what should we do? ...You were saying something about what we should do."

　As he listened to Otto's somewhat harsh voice, Subaru recalled the first thing he'd said when he'd interrupted.

　Otto had certainly interrupted the silence between Subaru and Garfiel with those words. What was the true meaning behind those words?

"You know what to do, you..."

"Yes, I know. It's simple."

"Easy..."

"Do you want to know?"

　There was something about the way he said it that made me feel annoyed.

　He had been suffering so much, and was making a fool of himself. To say something like that to that person was nothing but irritating.

「Ah, that's obvious! Don't mess with me! If there's something you know, please tell me...」

"In that case, I'm ready."

"Ju, preparations...?"

"Okay. First, take a slow, deep breath..."

　Extending his hand in his direction, Otto gestured for Subaru to take a deep breath. Though he didn't understand what it meant, Subaru followed the instructions to steady his breathing, closed his eyes, and inflated his lungs――

"---!?"

　The next moment, a sharp impact pierced the side of Subaru's face, knocking him to the ground.

　Unable to even take a defensive stance, Subaru tumbled and fell face-first into the dirt, dizzy. Shaking his head, he looked around to see what had happened, then caught sight of Otto swinging his fist and realized he'd been punched.

　And then, in front of the breathless Subaru, Otto, his fists reddening, spoke.

"Stop trying to act cool in front of your friends, Natsuki Subaru."