Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu web novel

"Balus. Are your preparations for your evil scheme progressing?"

　As I left Emilia, exhausted from crying, and came out of the building, Ram called out to me.

　With his hand on the door, Subaru narrowed his eyes at Ram, who seemed to be waiting for him outside.

"Your evil plans and rude behavior are shocking, so I wish you'd stop."

"The two men are probably scheming secretly, hiding things from those around them. Since Lord Roswaal has given his approval, I won't say anything about the merchant having free reign of the 'Sanctuary', but..."

　The "merchant" Ram was referring to was probably Otto.

　Though they both spend time in the same Sanctuary, Ram and Otto spend most of their time looking after Roswaal, so their time together is very short. At most, they only get a chance to exchange a few words while waiting outside for Emilia to take the Trial.

　As for Otto, Subaru brought him along on his own initiative, so Ram, who doesn't know his character or achievements, undoubtedly finds him untrustworthy.

　Even to Subaru, Otto's character aside, his abilities as a businessman are still unknown. Even when he was introduced to Roswaal, it seemed to Subaru that he was being praised for his suitability as a straight man, rather than his future potential as a merchant.

　However, it is true that Roswaal had given Otto permission to stay in the Sanctuary. As such, he could not be so blatant as to exclude him, and Ram continued to keep a strict eye on Otto.

"Well, that's an area where he needs to work hard, so I don't intend to go out of my way to correct him."

「That's an unbecoming comment for a friend. Since he's been so considerate towards you, why doesn't Barusu be the one to repay him a little?」

"We're friends...right? I'm so at a loss as to what to say, but do you think we're just friends?"

"You were acting all loose and acting all friendly... you mean you weren't even friends? If you can act like that to a complete stranger you have no connection with, then that's actually more disgusting."

　Ram put her arm around his shoulders and made a shuddering gesture. Her reaction and words made Subaru's cheeks relax slightly and he laughed deep in his throat.

　Perhaps finding Subaru's stifled laughter creepy, Ram, still holding him, took a step back, putting some distance between them, and,

"So, Barus, I will repeat my first question. Are preparations for your evil plan progressing?"

"I wouldn't say it's going steadily... because there are a lot of difficult aspects."

　Whatever the details, it's only natural that his true intentions were seen through.

　Ram is in a position that could be considered a card on Roswaal's side, who is in a contractual conflict with him. It's unclear how reliable this is, but it seems that Ram is the one who acts as the eyes and ears for Roswaal, who is injured and unable to move.

　It was only natural that she would be keeping a close eye on our movements. However, the way she questioned him so frankly was very much like Ram.

"You're the one who came here for Emilia, right? There's no point in just talking to me and wasting your time."

Subaru: "If Barusu has come outside, he must have at least made sure that everyone was asleep. After all that yelling, it's not likely he'll wake up."

"...That's a pretty harsh opinion."

"That's an objective and frank opinion. Take it into consideration."

　Ram bluntly dismissed the remark and glared at Subaru's profile, who had his eyes lowered.

　Feeling the pressure of her gaze, Subaru inwardly stifled a sigh.

　--Emilia and Puck's contract ended about two and a half hours ago.

　Subaru had heard the story from Puck beforehand, and he had some understanding and prepared himself for Emilia's turmoil, confusion, and grief after their contract expired, but the nostalgia that flooded him when he actually saw her was something he could not put into words.

　Having lost her only source of support, Emilia goes half-crazed and wails.

　Her beautiful silver hair was tossed about, her nails dug into her pale skin, and Emilia was throwing everything she could get her hands on at everyone, letting out her rage like a child throwing a tantrum.

　It was a blessing in disguise for her and those around her that the option of going on a rampage using magic was not on her mind in her confusion.

　Either way, Subaru, knowing in advance how shocked Emilia would be, waited outside the room, and as soon as he heard her scream, he rushed in and embraced her.

　For the next two and a half hours, he had taken on Emilia's intermittent voice, her lamentations, and her feeble destructive urges in his hands, and now he had left her asleep.

　I had just been thinking of leaving it to Ram to get changed and dry myself when I encountered her, and it seemed she had been waiting to do the same. Seeing her with a bucket of water and a cloth in hand made me feel somewhat relieved.

　As Subaru was feeling this way, Ram softly spoke,

「Balusu. ーーDo you really have high expectations of that person?」

"..."

"Looking at Emilia-sama's condition up until yesterday, there is not a single bright spot for her to overcome the Trial. On top of that, the situation, which I thought could never get worse, has only gotten worse. The Great Spirit has left Emilia-sama's side, hasn't he?"

"...Do you understand that much?"

Echidna: "If you shout so loudly that it can be heard from outside the building, over and over again, even an idiot would notice. If even Barusu could notice, then even Ram would notice. It's obvious."

Subaru: "It seems like the formula of 'I' equals an idiot' is valid, but I can't completely deny it. There's also no denying the fact that Emilia's situation has only gotten worse."

　To be honest, Ram's concerns were a direct expression of Subaru's anxieties.

　Although he hadn't completely accepted Puck's words, it was true that Subaru supported his proposal.

　The words that Puck's existence was what had stopped Emilia from facing her true past. The changes that she had felt with each loop, and her doubts about the Gospel that Roswaal possessed. Beatrice's scream, Echidna's testimony, and Puck's existence.

　Due to a combination of various factors, Subaru supports Puck's decision and throws Emilia into a cage of loneliness, and as a result, for the first time in her life, she finds herself truly alone.

　All it takes is time and opportunity to get out of that situation.

　However, Emilia currently lacks both of these things. The situation does not give her the time to calmly face the situation, and the trigger for this is only within her.

　The only way to find the latter trigger is for Emilia to find it herself. Ram knows this too, and is likely unable to believe in the detonation.

　Except for that last part, Subaru completely agrees with Ram.

"But even so, I have high hopes for her and I believe in her."

"... What a cheerful face. I wonder how someone can make such a carefree decision."

"I decided to believe in what I should believe in. Thanks to the existence of my "friends" who work hard for me, and the existence of my beloved dragon... I've started to believe in myself a little."

"So, how does that relate to believing in Emilia-sama..."

"Once you start to believe in yourself, you want to believe in the target of your feelings, right? I like Emilia, and I want to help her. The reason I like her is, of course, because I really like her looks... but the reason I'm serious about her is something else entirely."

　Staring back at Ram's confused eyes, Subaru shrugged.

　The reason Subaru first became aware of Emilia was, of course, when he was first summoned to the other world, with no one to rely on and no hope to cling to, and she was the first to be kind to him.

　After his life was saved and through his subsequent interactions with her, Subaru got to know the girl named Emilia and wanted to help her. He also had the excuse of wanting to repay her kindness, but he didn't really understand the reason at the time.

　Afterwards, he lost her before his eyes, went through "Return by Death" to redo the world, and lost the memories they should have shared at the beginning, but Subaru saved her from her fate of death and changed the future.

　The events at the mansion, and the battle with the Witch Cult that began in the royal capital, were all the result of running on with a burning passion that began with that first thought.

　His life was saved in the first royal capital.

　My heart, which had been on the verge of breaking at the mansion, was saved once again.

　My life and heart were saved, and I wanted to repay her, but I was selfish and hurt her.

　After taking time to part ways, creating a rift between them, and taking the opportunity to reflect on their own actions, they stood up.

　Why is it that they took down the White Whale, defeated Betelgeuse, and are still like this to this day?

　He is aware of his close connection with witches, has swallowed the grudges of the past by breaking away from his temporary parents, and yet is still driven by an incomprehensible force. Why?

"Because I love that girl."

"――――"

"The girl I fell in love with is hardworking, stubborn, and stubborn, and she can't even say that she wants to cry when she wants to...She's the kind of girl who doesn't hesitate to work hard for others."

Subaru: "That may just be Barusu's imagination. It's true that Emilia-sama does have the nature of prioritizing others over herself… but wasn't that because she was doing so to protect her own heart? Wasn't it a way to protect herself, someone of despised origins? Aren't you worried that you've fallen for his tricks and are being used for your own good?"

"No."

　Ram stammered, his question answered succinctly in just three letters.

　Feeling pleased by her unusual reaction, Subaru turned his head to look back at the building.

　Even now, I picture Emilia lying on the bed.

Subaru: "If she's just using me for her own convenience, then that's fine. Even if somewhere in her heart Emilia is calculatingly thinking of me as a tool that she can use to the fullest without ever breaking, then that's fine."

"You have no complaints about being a tool?"

"That's not it. I'm happy that you still have the will to stand and walk, even if you have to use tools. If you still have the energy to look up...there is plenty I can help you with. Please use them as much as you like."

"――――"

　Ram narrowed her eyes in dissatisfaction at Subaru's stated stance.

　Subaru found her expressionless demeanor refreshing. The way she openly accepted the word "tool" to Subaru, it was as if she was the one――

"I actually thought you were the more pragmatic one."

"--Why do you think so?"

"Your attitude and behavior up until now have been quite… I'm aware that I've seen you on the edge of your seat. I thought that you were understanding of other people's stances."

"We all have these feelings when we see in others the problems we have not yet fully resolved, especially when we find that the other person has digested the problems we have been trying to resolve and have been unable to process."

　Having spoken quickly, Ram looked away, ashamed of what she had said. Then, letting out a small sigh, she waved for Subaru, who was still standing in front of the door, to move away.

"That's fine. If you're a tool, you should act like one and do your best for your owner. As for Ram, I'll leave it to her to do as she pleases. That's up to her to decide."

"Yes, that's right. You can do it yourself. But."

　He passed by Subaru and called out to Ram, who was holding the door. Ram stopped in her tracks and turned to look at Subaru with just her eyes. She nodded, asking for more information.

"It's not like I'm serving Emilia for nothing."

"..."

Subaru: "I have my own requests for Emilia. What I want won't come true without Emilia's cooperation. I said earlier that she might be using me for her own selfish reasons… but I'm the same in that I'm trying to use her for my own selfish reasons."

　It may sound harsh, but interacting with others with motives is inevitable when interacting with others.

　In the extreme, it would be best if everyone here achieved the future Subaru desired. In the end, it could be said that when Subaru accomplished his future, he would have used everyone to his full potential.

　Being used by Emilia is what he wants. For the sake of the future Subaru desires, he too is willing to use Emilia, to cling to her, to embrace her forcefully.

"――――"

　Now in silence, Ram stepped into the room without calling out to Subaru.

　The door was about to close, blocking her small body.

"It no longer conforms to the Gospel's description. Roswaal is now free in this world."

　There was no response as to whether her final call reached her.

　The door closed with a clang, and Subaru no longer had any idea what was going on inside.

　Still, there was no chance that Emilia would wake up and commit a violent act against Ram. Having once cried herself to sleep, Emilia probably didn't have the energy to do so, but even before that, it would take some time for her body to wake up.

"My favorite is tomorrow. The backup day is the day after tomorrow... Either way, it's a close call."

　When the time limit is reached, Roswaal will make it snow and the Great Rabbit will arrive. If that happens, the Sanctuary will be over. This challenge will also be half-way through, and above all, Subaru is bound by the contract.

　In accordance with his contract with Roswaal L. Mathers, Natsuki Subaru must live his life by "doing whatever it takes to achieve one thing."

　--When I thought about it, I realized it was too late now.

"It's still the same now, that I can't give up on my one and only future."

※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※

　Currently, Subaru's battle in the Sanctuary has entered its third day.

　The deadline for his contract with Roswaal was the sixth day. By that time, the disaster that would strike Sanctuary and the mansion would be unavoidable, so the actual deadline was the night of the fifth day.

　This meant that, including tonight, Emilia only had three more chances to challenge the tomb.

　However, this was the first of those three rare opportunities――

"I guess I'll just have to give it up tonight."

　Upon learning of Puck's loss, Emilia had been crying since the morning, and finally fell asleep just before noon. She had been sleeping soundly ever since, and still shows no signs of waking up.

　Even if she were to wake up by nightfall, how long would it take for Emilia to once again accept the reality that Puck was gone? The bond between her and Puck couldn't have been so short or thin that it could be digested in a few hours.

　When there is no time, events occur that require the passage of time. Even though I know it is futile to curse the evil god's arrangements, I still feel like doing so.

"You cried so much because I was gone... I'm a little jealous of you, but I hate you a hundred times more, Puck."

　Pictured the image of the small grey cat in his mind, Subaru shook his head slightly and stepped forward.

　At the moment, there was nothing Subaru could do for the sleeping Emilia. The best he could do was hold her hand. If that would help protect her from nightmares, Subaru felt like he wanted to do that for hours.

　But just as Emilia had no time to spare, Subaru had no time either.

　There is still not enough to build on the stakes.

　It was a strategy that involved several uncertain factors, but by gathering together whatever possibilities there were and adding as many as possible to my hand, I finally had a 50-50 chance of winning. Though that was a bit biased.

"That's why I'm looking forward to this discussion, Lewes."

"I have high hopes for you too, Su-bou. The other two have made sure of that for me."

　There was the sound of gravel being kicked, and a small figure appeared at the meeting place - Lewes.

　With a frown that didn't suit her young appearance, she glanced around the meeting place Subaru had specified, then continued, "However..."

"Choosing this place to meet... you're a real jerk, Su-bo."

"I think it's a good choice in the sense that there's likely to be no interruptions. I feel like I'd say something inappropriate in front of Crystal, and besides, no matter how many times I go there, I can't see myself getting used to the smell that's so strong it makes your nose twist."

　She pinches her nose, expressing her disgust for the experiment site, where the stench invades her nostrils and permeates her entire body. Although her hometown has been mocked, Lewes herself likely agrees. She laughs softly at Subaru's words and nods, saying, "That's true."

"So I wonder if the alternative location is Garbo's secret base. If you're talking about a hideout... surely there were other candidates."

"In the village, you never know who might be listening in. The house where Garfiel and Frederica had memories... wasn't so bad, but we're both in a position where we'd be in trouble if people overheard us, right Lewes?"

"No doubt about that."

　Subaru shrugged, asking for consent, and Lewes, with a grim expression on his face, lowered his chin. Lewes then stepped into an ungainly hut constructed from scrap materials and dilapidated timber.

"Sorry, but we don't have a comfortable sofa ready. As someone who has a strong respect for the elderly, it's a real shame that I don't even have a single chair to give up."

"Oh dear, so you're just making us talk while we're standing there. Pushing an old man's body to the limit, what are the young people these days doing?"

"Oh, that line sounds very old-fashioned. You're trying so hard to sound like an elder."

　Subaru slapped his waist, which wasn't even bent, and gave a wry smile at Lewes, who was pretending to be in bad shape in many ways. Subaru then invited her into the center of the hut, and he crossed his arms and leaned against the wall.

"I don't feel bad about continuing to chat with a cute girl like this though."

"I'm telling you, you're a little too old to be called a girl."

"Speaking of age, my main heroine is also considerably older than me. Although, it has become clear recently that her apparent age and mental age don't match up."

　His actual age is around 100. His appearance is 18. His mental age is 14.

　The complexity of Emilia's genre is wonderful, and she never tires of Subaru.

　I finally understood why she was so young, weak, had such high ideals, and spoke so foolishly, despite her appearance. There was no way she would have any doubts.

「For Emilia's sake, I want to do whatever I can. ――So, I'll be sure to hear from you, Lewes Σ-san.」

"Shigu... what is it?"

"Sorry, I just started calling them that. It would be awkward to call all four of us Lewes-san, so for convenience, I just called them Alpha, Beta, Sigma, and Theta."

"..."

　Subaru's words stumbled from the start, and Lewes put her hand over her mouth in deep thought.

　Raising his eyebrows at the lack of reaction given that he had incurred his displeasure, Subaru raised his finger at Σ before he was pressed further.

"Anyway, I'm glad you agreed to talk. But... judging by Lewes's stance today, it was perfectly reasonable for you to choose not to bother me."

"If it's difficult to call them by that name, I don't mind if you call them Σ. I also think it's better to be able to call them by their names when talking about individuals. There hasn't been any need to do that up until now."

"Really? Well then, I'll take you up on that offer. If you want something cuter, we can swap it out for the other three names."

"--Hmm, Σ is fine. No, Σ is better."

　The answer to the crown has a slightly different nuance before and after.

　Subaru blinked, but it seemed that Lewes had no intention of continuing the topic any further. "So," she said, hinting at a change in the subject,

"I think I understand, but what do you want me to tell you, Su-bo? What do you want to know about the situation surrounding the Sanctuary?"

"What I want to know is everything I don't know… but for now, it's exactly what Σ saw at the tomb. Alpha told me the day before yesterday that there were two Lewes who took on the 'Trial'. Is it true that Σ is one of them?"

"There's no doubt about it. I am one of the two Ryuzu who have entered the tomb. That being said, I have only been there once, and only for a short time... I only went in to bring back Garbo, who had disregarded the rules and entered the tomb."

　What Lewes Σ had said was something that Frederica had also told him before.

　The story goes that when Garfiel, who aspired to liberate the Sanctuary, entered the Tomb and did not return from the Trials, his sister asked Lewes for help. Frederica relied on Lewes at that time, and it was Σ's turn right before her.

"I only stepped in... but since you went inside, you saw it, right? Σ-san, you, you know... your own past."

"――――"

"If the Tomb hates you like Roswaal, your body will be rejected the moment you try to enter it in the first place. I heard that Roswaal's body nearly exploded, and even Patrasche, who came in to save me, was covered in wounds. For someone unqualified to jump in there, it must require the same kind of resolve as taking on the Trials."

"Isn't it possible that I was prepared to get hurt?"

"That's a beautiful story in its own way, but... If that's the case, then I don't understand why Σ is really opposed to the liberation of the 'Sanctuary'. It doesn't make sense."

"――――"

　Information that had not even been confessed - that Lews Σ and θ were both opposed to the liberation of the "Sanctuary" had been mentioned, but Σ chose to remain silent and did not deny it.

　In other words, it was an act that was practically a silent affirmation.

"Σ must have seen his own past at the tomb. Because of that, he is avoiding the possibility of the Sanctuary being liberated. What on earth did he see?"

"..."

"If there is a possibility, it could be around the time Σ-san was born. It could be when he was born from the crystal, or maybe..."

"Maybe it's about Lewes Meyer's past?"

　Before Subaru could speak, Σ got to the heart of the matter.

　Subaru silently tightened his lips, silently thinking that there was no doubt about it.

　Since their birth, they had called themselves Lewes Meyer and acted as representatives of the Sanctuary, the four representative clones. Subaru thought that if they had a past worthy of regret, it must have been during their lifetime rather than after birth - before they had become the Lewes they are today.

　It was clear from Σ's reaction that his point was not entirely off the mark.

"If what you saw was the real Ryuzu-san's past inside the crystal... I can kind of understand why Σ-san was scared. That's why he was sealed inside the crystal."

"..."

　It was Echidna, the "Witch of Greed," who sealed Lewes Meyer within the crystal and used it as a device to create duplicates.

　If he was remembering that moment when the Witch sealed him away, that was enough of a reason for Σ to give up on overcoming the Trial. However,

"Just how much do you know, Su-bou?"

"..."

"There are only a very limited number of people in this Sanctuary who know what happened to Lieutenant Meyer. I don't think any of them would tell Su Bo about it."

　There was something about Σ's profile that made him hesitate to interject. Without looking at the speechless Subaru, Σ looked up at the ceiling where a hole stood out.

"Boss Rozu, and the other Ryuzu who knows the location of the tomb besides me... I don't think they would tell me that. So Sue, where did you hear that from?"

"――――"

　At this point, Subaru was unsure how to respond.

　It may seem like a simple question, but it is not that simple.

　A change in the air was felt, sending tingling sensations down the back of his neck. It was the scent of a gamble he had experienced countless times before - this was different to the exchange of lives, this was something that would determine the "situation" that would determine the subsequent exchange of lives.

　It was a similar feeling to when he had asked for help at Crusch's mansion before the battle with the White Whale.

　What this means is that how the discussions go at this very moment will be a major turning point that will determine the future of the Sanctuary.

"――――"

　Receiving another silence, Subaru went into deep contemplation.

　The answer Σ wants from Subaru will have a major impact on the future.

　Subaru was not originally good at sensing the emotions of others. In fact, he was far too clueless about subtleties. Even if he used his head, it was not enough, so he would have to burn himself to the point of spewing fire to finally be average.

　The answer Subaru should have given here was――

"Echidna told me about it in the tomb."

"--From Witch-sama."

　Hearing the name of the witch that had been spun, Σ's expression stiffened slightly.

　The strong meaning of the name Echidna became keenly apparent during my time in this "Sanctuary." While Roswaal disliked calling Echidna the "Witch of Greed," Garfiel, Lewes, and the others seemed to avoid calling her "Echidna."

　The name Echidna is probably taboo for them, the kind of thing that is sure to evoke memories of the past, for better or worse.

　It was a gamble as to what the consequences of touching upon this taboo would be, but Subaru made the decision.

"Though I've now been stripped of my qualifications, I was once qualified to challenge the Tomb. Therefore, I know more or less what happens in the Trials from first-hand experience. I also know what Echidna is plotting, why she created this Sanctuary, and why she's creating clones like you two."

"... I thought your understanding was too deep considering you only heard it from Rozu-bou."

"So, I think I know a lot more about the situation than Σ-san assumed. I hope that it will help me decide what information to reveal to you."

"I'm telling you."

　Σ gave a wry smile at Subaru's remark that had come at this point and been so reserved. Then she placed her small palm on her forehead and let out a long sigh.

　That was the ritual she needed to make her decision.

"If they know about the Witch's connection with the Sanctuary, and even about me and Lewes Meyer, it would be unnatural for me to hide it..."

"In that case..."

"There's no need to rush. I understand how you feel, Su-bou, but... it's not that simple. What you wanted to ask me about was the past that Lewes saw during the Trials."

　Subaru was about to confirm that that was the case, but then he felt a slight sense of unease and stopped talking.

　Σ had just chosen the word "Lewis" instead of "I". Subaru frowned, wondering what that really meant, and Σ simultaneously muttered "He's got good eyesight",

"If you are asking about the past I saw in the tomb, then my answer is 'I don't know'. After all, I did not undergo the 'trial' of the tomb. I am the one who returned from inside the tomb, that's for sure."

"...So what does that mean?"

"It's a simple matter. In the first place, didn't you think it was strange, Su-bo? Lewes only had one chance to enter the tomb to bring back Ga-bo. And yet, there were two copies of Lewes Meyer who had entered the tomb. This discrepancy between the number of people and the chances."

"a..."

　Only after it was pointed out to him did Subaru realise how foolish he had been. Indeed, now that he thought of it, it was true. There were two Lewes who had entered the tomb, and yet there was only one opportunity to enter――If there was a way to resolve this contradiction, there was only one answer.

"The Lews who went in is different from the Lews who came out..."

"That's right. If I were to put it like Su-bou... the Crown that came out was me, Σ. And the Crown that went in was me, θ. It was θ who saw the past, and I was just the one who carried Gar-bo outside. As for my position, rather than being against the liberation of the 'Sanctuary', I'd say that by process of elimination I'm neutral."

　Therefore, Lewes continued, seeing Subaru looking disheartened.

"--If there is anything I can say, it is a fragment of the past that the boy witnessed, which Garbo has been hiding."