Surviving marriage in yandere world

Royal Magic Academy Grounds – School Festival, Day One.

Rei's day began like all others in his new life—with dread, caffeine, and the faint aroma of burning jealousy.

The academy festival had officially begun.

The sun was shining, banners were fluttering, and student-run booths lined the grand courtyard with games, snacks, and thinly disguised marriage proposals.

A normal student might feel joy, wonder, excitement.

Rei felt like a deer standing in the middle of a wolf convention while wearing a T-bone steak suit.

"Maybe this year will be different," he muttered hopefully.

He was immediately hit in the head by a flying wedding bouquet. It exploded in a glittery burst of sparks that spelled out in midair:

YOU WILL BE MINE ♡ ~ DR

"…Right. Same as always." Rei brushed petals off his hair.

[System Warning: Yandere Booth Detected – Proximity Level: Uncomfortably Intimate]

[Note: Odds of survival are now determined by booth location. Current odds: 8%.]

"Eight percent?!" Rei hissed. "That's not even—"

BOOM.

Another bouquet detonated two stalls away, this one releasing pink mist and aggressive heart-shaped confetti.

"This is fine," Rei muttered. His tone suggested the exact opposite.

At the Center of It All… Among the colorful stalls, one towered above all others: a golden temple made entirely out of macarons and divine arrogance.

Choirs blared from enchanted speakers. A heavenly glow shone so bright that pigeons circled the temple, assuming it was a second sun.

And in the middle of it stood Seraphina Celestialis, Princess of the Holy Empire, Champion of the Radiant Choir, Heiress of Light, Justice, and Painfully Long Titles.

Standing on a floating pulpit of light, she raised her staff. The ground trembled, the clouds parted, and the crowd gasped in awe.

Then—

"I SUMMON THEE, SACRED MASCOT OF CHASTE WRATH!"

The sky cracked open with a thunderclap. Down descended a six-foot glowing rabbit. With golden abs.

Its ears twitched majestically. Its muscles flexed and Its name tag read:

"HOLYBUN – Purity Enforcer v3.6"

The crowd whispered in reverence.

"It's so… fluffy."

"Why does it have veins on its ears?"

"Are those… divine protein shakes in its pouch?"

Holybun landed gracefully beside Seraphina. Its glowing eyes surveyed the crowd. Then it snarled in a voice that sounded like ten thousand choirboys screaming through a megaphone.

"ANY WHO DARE GAZE UPON PRINCE REI WITH UNCLEAN INTENT… SHALL BE SMOTE."

"…Smote?" Rei blinked. "That's not even grammatically—"

A boy two booths away accidentally looked in Rei's direction. Not even at Rei—just vaguely near him.

ZAP.

The boy's entire booth was atomized. Only a half-burned corn dog remained.

The crowd applauded politely.

[System Update: New Threat Identified – "Holybun"]

[Effect: All flirt attempts within a 12-meter radius now result in divine smiting.]

[Bonus: Mascot has a 97% bias toward Seraphina. The remaining 3% is inexplicable rage.]

Back at the Neutral Booth, I mean Emilia's Tea Stand.

Rei dove under Emilia's table like it was a bomb shelter. She calmly poured chamomile tea into paper cups with her usual serene smile.

"Rough morning?" she asked, offering him a cookie.

"It's a holy war out there," Rei said, peeking above the table edge. "A bunny just vaporized a snack stand. With its eyes."

"Sugar with your tea?" she asked sweetly.

"Double," Rei said. "No—triple."

BOOM.

Another girl screamed as her maid uniform evaporated in divine light. All that remained were her shoes, still smoking.

Rei ducked lower.

"…I'm never leaving this booth again."

Meanwhile… In the Shadows of the Festival. Behind the Balloon Sword Stall, a velvet curtain concealed a secret gathering.

The Yandere Council: Emergency Session #53 – Operation Bunnyicide.

Rosette adjusted her frilly veil. Her voice was low, sharp, dangerous.

"It must be destroyed."

Drakana slammed her claws against the table. "I'll roast it into rabbit stew."

"It's holy-warded," Lilia said darkly. "My cult poured holy oil on it. It flexed."

The candlelight flickered then everyone leaned closer.

"Then we ambush—" Rosette began.

"YOU DARE CONPIRE AGAINST MY DIVINE MASCOTRY?!"

Everyone screamed.

Seraphina stood suddenly in the center of the room, glowing like a nuclear lighthouse. Her eyes blazed with righteousness.

"I heard your schemes carried by the winds of justice!"

Rosette coughed nervously. "We were just… discussing bunnies."

"Yes," Lilia agreed quickly. "Fluffy ones."

"FLUFFY DEATH MACHINES," Drakana added helpfully.

[System Notice: Yandere Hostility = 99% | Mascot Tension = SMITE-READY]

[Survival Tip #9: Pray. Of course it won't help you.]

"Okay!" Rei shouted, climbing onto a podium of confiscated shrines. "Let's all calm down before anyone else explodes!"

A fireball flew past his head. Holybun's ears twitched, and it blasted divine laser beams across the sky. A shrine labeled "Rei's Underwear Drawer" was reduced to ashes.

"WHY DOES THAT EXIST?!" Rei shouted.

Rosette muttered, "…Prototype project."

Seraphina raised her staff high, her holy aura blinding. "Peace is only possible through sacred vigilance!"

"Seraphina, please—he's a person, not a messiah," Emilia protested gently.

"HERESY!" shouted Seraphina's fan club.

Holybun turned sharply. Its glowing eyes locked on Emilia.

Rei's heart sank. "…Oh no. It's targeting her."

Holybun charged.

Emilia, calm as always, raised a teacup.

"Would you like a cookie?" she asked.

The bunny froze mid-charge. Its nose twitched and his massive, muscular paw reached forward. It sniffed the cookie.

A long silence followed. Finally, Holybun took it and ate it. Then it sat down. A tear rolled down its glowing cheek.

"…I have known only war," it whispered in an eldritch mechanical tone. "This… is peace."

The festival crowd gasped.

"Holybun… cried?"

"Over a cookie?"

Rei blinked. "…Did Emilia just… pacify a divine murder rabbit with pastries?"

[System Alert: Hidden Trait Activated – "Tea Diplomacy"]

[Effect: Emilia can negotiate with eldritch entities using snacks.]

For one shining moment, peace seemed possible.

Then—

"Rei sneezed!" Drakana shouted. "That's a mating signal in dragon culture!"

Chaos resumed instantly.

Later That Night in Infirmary. The war eventually ended with half the festival grounds smoldering, three cults disbanded, and the dean drinking heavily in the faculty lounge.

Rei lay in the infirmary bed, covered in holy burns, love potion rashes, and deep emotional trauma.

Beside him sat Holybun. It placed a daisy in his hand.

"You're… not so bad," Rei admitted weakly.

Holybun's glowing eyes softened.

[System Notification: Achievement Unlocked – "Mascot Whisperer"]

[Reward: One (1) Get-Out-of-Smite-Free Card]

[Side Note: Usable only once. Or never.]

Rei stared at the ceiling.

"…I'm never making eye contact with another rabbit again."

The infirmary smelled faintly of healing herbs, burnt hair, and despair. Rei lay perfectly still, trying to ignore the muffled boom of fireworks outside—the festival was still going. Somehow.

Emilia sat at his bedside, calmly pouring tea from a thermos she'd smuggled past the nurses. "Chamomile," she said. "For stress."

Rei groaned, his voice muffled under a bandage. "I don't think chamomile covers divine mascot trauma."

Holybun, seated cross-legged on the floor, flexed its glowing ears. "TRAUMA IS TEMPORARY. PURITY IS FOREVER."

"…See?" Rei pointed weakly at the rabbit. "How am I supposed to relax with a celestial bodybuilder bunny chanting at me?"

"Try the cookie," Emilia suggested.

Holybun accepted another cookie from her, chewed thoughtfully, then produced a holy protein shaker from its pouch and downed it like an energy drink.

[System Update: Mascot Affection Toward Emilia = 85%]

[System Update: Mascot Affection Toward Rei = 'Confused But Protective']

Rei muttered, "I'm being third-wheeled… by a rabbit."

The door slammed open.

Drakana barged in, still singed from earlier fights, dragging a sack of smoldering merchandise labeled "Rei Plushies – Limited Edition."

"Great news!" she roared. "They sold out in six minutes."

Rei blinked. "Wait—you were selling me?"

"Yes," she said proudly. "Also, I reinvested the profits into expanding the lava moat."

"There was already a lava moat!" Rei shouted.

"Now there are three."

Before Rei could protest further, Rosette emerged from the shadows behind his curtain like a knife-shaped ghost. She leaned close enough for Rei to smell her perfume.

"Don't worry," she whispered. "I already sabotaged the second moat."

Rei screamed into his pillow but the chaos didn't stop there.

Lilia strolled in carrying official-looking paperwork, stamping seals as she walked. "Good evening. While you were unconscious, I secured legal guardianship of the mascot."

"WHAT?!" Seraphina stormed in seconds later, divine light blazing. "Holybun belongs to ME! The heavens themselves decreed it!"

Holybun paused mid-cookie bite, looking nervously between them like a child caught in a custody battle.

[System Alert: Custody Dispute Triggered – Entity: Holybun]

[Warning: Risk of Civil War = 87%]

Rei sat up despite the pain. "No. Absolutely not. I refuse to be dragged into a divine mascot divorce case."

The dean appeared in the doorway holding a wine bottle, looking ten years older. "Too late. The paperwork is already circulating in the council." He took a long swig. "May the gods help us all."

Rei collapsed back into bed, covering his face. "This school is a nightmare."

And yet— As everyone began arguing loudly around him, Rei noticed Holybun scoot closer to Emilia, ears drooping as she gently petted its glowing fur.

The monstrous rabbit actually purred.

Rei exhaled slowly. "…Of course. She tamed the murder-bunny. Of course she did."

[System Notification: Emilia Has Accidentally Founded a Mascot Fan Club]

[Membership: Holybun, Two Pigeons, One Disillusioned Cleric]

The lights flickered ominously. The festival outside roared with fresh chaos. Somewhere, another explosion rattled the windows.

Rei closed his eyes, resigning himself to fate.

"…I just wanted tea and peace. Instead, I got tea, peace, and a divine rabbit bodyguard. This life is exhausting."

Holybun saluted solemnly. "TOGETHER, WE SHALL PURIFY THIS FESTIVAL."

"Please don't," Rei begged.

But no one listened.

To be continued…