Surviving marriage in yandere world

Velvet Academy School Festival — Day 3

Status: Terminal Romance Condition

Survival Odds: 0.03% and dropping

Preferred Weapon: Running shoes and prayer

At precisely 9:00 AM, the speakers across Velvet Academy crackled to life. A chipper, slightly deranged voice echoed across the grounds:

"Ladies, gentlemen, future widows and certified yanderes! Welcome… to the FINAL EVENT of the school festival—THE WIFE HUNT!"

Sponsored by: "Love Hurts, Inc."

Theme: "Chase Him, Catch Him and Chain Him."

Rei blinked awake inside a gilded cage in the middle of a forest clearing. He was wearing a pure white tuxedo… that glowed. It literally glowed.

"Why does my suit have a heartbeat?"

[System Notice: You are wearing the Blessed Binding Groom Tuxedo]

[Effect: Increases attractiveness by 999%. Draws all obsessive entities within a 10-kilometer radius.]

[Warning: Not waterproof and especially against blood.]

A booming bell rang in the distance and Rei's cage door creaked open by itself.

[System Alert: The Wife Hunt has begun. Good luck, meat.]

He ran.

+30 Seconds Into the Hunt.

There are too many trees and he is in panic.

Rei sprinted like a man possessed—because he was, by sheer and primal fear.

Somewhere behind him, a chainsaw roared.

"REIIII! I MADE YOU A RING OUT OF BONES!" Drakana's voice echoed through the trees.

"Nope, Nope! Divorce! We're already divorced, remember?!"

[System Note: Legally, you never were. You just screamed and ran away after she bit the officiant.]

+3 Minutes.

Behind Rei, the predators assembled:

Drakana: Dual-wielding chainsaw and marriage certificate with fire immunity on and her eyes were glowing.

Seraphina: Floating with holy wings, wielding a spear of divine jealousy with smites in Latin.

Lilia: Waving a priest staff and a tome titled "Unwilling Groom, Willing Soul." It has legal documents in six languages.

Rosette: Silently slipping through the shadows with poisoned silk nets, scalpels, and vows pre-written in Rei's blood.

Velvet Maid Squad: Carrying banners like "Rosette's Property — Return if Lost or Screaming"

There is a bonus Competitor.

Emilia: Holding... a picnic basket and a worried expression.

Rei skidded into a riverbank and looked up at the sky.

"God? Are you watching?"

The clouds parted.

[Divine Message: You made your bed. Now lie in it. But I prefer you a helmet.]

[P.S. I'm watching with popcorn. – Goddess Eris]

+5 Minutes.

Rei tried to double back toward the Academy walls but the forest was enchanted. Every path led him deeper into chaos.

Then he saw it—an innocent-looking log bridge.

"Don't fall for it," he muttered.

A bouquet with a note floated past him in the stream.

"Come back and marry me~ ♥ —Lilia"

The water turned into holy soup.

"NOPE."

He leapt over the stream, only to land—straight into a pit of pink fog.

[System Notification: Trap Triggered – Rosette's Love Perfume Field]

[Effect: Lowers mental defenses. It increases suggestibility and makes you moan unintentionally.]

Rei's knees buckled. He heard footsteps.

Rosette stepped from the mist.

"Caught you, my love," she whispered, holding silk cuffs and a glittering dagger.

He rolled, coughing, and faceplanted into a mossy boulder.

"She brought props," he wheezed. "She always brings props—"

A divine smite nearly nuked the clearing.

Seraphina descended like an angel of wrath, kicking Rosette sideways into a tree.

"DO NOT INTERFERE WITH MY HOLY CAPTURE RITUAL."

"Excuse you," Lilia appeared from the treetops. "The ceremony hasn't even begun yet."

Drakana landed like a meteor. "DOESN'T MATTER! WHOEVER CATCHES HIM FIRST WINS!"

[System Alert: Threat Level = Catastrophic]

[Recommendation: Run, Hide, or Play Dead Convincingly.]

+12 Minutes.

Rei reached into his pocket and pulled out the one item he had left:

A limited-edition "Life-Size Rei Dummy" plush gifted by Seraphina.

He threw it into a clearing and bolted in the opposite direction.

Three things happened immediately:

1. Lilia tackled the dummy and began reading marriage vows to it.

2. Rosette stabbed it seventeen times, then kissed its forehead.

3. Drakana bit the dummy's neck and yelled "MINE!"

Emilia, watching from a distance, sighed into her teacup.

[System Update: Clever Decoy Usage — +1 Intelligence]

[Also: -1 Sanity for every wife who falls for it.]

+15 Minutes.

Eventually, Rei crashed into Emilia's actual picnic spot.

"You again," he gasped. "Sanity checkpoint."

"I brought sandwiches," she said.

He took one like it was a divine relic. Bit it and start Crying.

"Real food... no blood… no vows carved into apples…"

They sat for ten seconds. Then Drakana exploded through the hedge.

"FOUND HIM."

Emilia stood up, sandwich in hand.

"Stop."

And they all froze. Rosette appeared in the shadows. Lilia from a tree branch. Seraphina floated down like Judgement Day.

Emilia held up her hand.

"He's tired, he's also human and he deserves—five minutes of peace."

Everyone blinked.

Then…

Lilia: "A romantic five minutes?"

Drakana: "Or a violent five minutes?"

Seraphina: "I shall bless the time limit."

Rosette: "And then he's mine."

Rei opened his mouth to scream—

[System Emergency Notice: Festival Event Complete]

[Final Score: Rei – 1 | Sanity – 0 | Love Wounds – 47 (Mostly Emotional)]

[Mission Clear: You survived. Barely.]

[Reward: Demon Realm Vacation Voucher ×3 (Expires in 30 seconds)]

A portal opened beside them. Rei dove inside screaming, "DON'T YOU DARE FOLLOW—"

All five girls jumped in after him. Then portal closed.

A pigeon watched from a tree branch, holding a banner in its beak:

"Wife Hunt Success: All Targets Acquired."

The portal spat them out into what looked like a… honeymoon suite.

Rei landed face-first on silk sheets embroidered with hearts. Around the room, floating cherub statues played harp music. Rose petals rained from the ceiling vents.

He sat up, groaning. "Where are we now…?"

[System Alert: Welcome to the Finale Stage – The Bridal Chamber of Destiny.]

[Objective: Survive until midnight. Conditions: Do not get married, bitten, stabbed, or kissed against will.]

[Additional Note: Odds of success = 0%. Teehee.]

Rei stared at the glowing message. "Why do you mock me while also doing math?"

[Because suffering looks fun in percentages.]

The five girls fanned out immediately like predators circling their prey.

Drakana's eyes glowed crimson. "So this is the final battleground…"

Lilia clutched her staff to her chest. "A chapel disguised as a bedroom—how romantic."

Rosette caressed a scalpel lovingly. "Efficient. The bed doubles as an operating table."

Seraphina clasped her hands, radiating light. "Holy matrimony shall occur here and now."

Emilia set down her picnic basket and rubbed her temple. "…I should've stayed home."

Rei shot her a look of pure desperation. "Too late, you're in this nightmare too."

He tried inching toward the door. It vanished into floral wallpaper.

"Trapped," he whispered.

[System Update: Yes. And they're all staring at you. Enjoy.]

+17 Minutes.

The standoff snapped like brittle glass.

Drakana lunged first, swinging her burning chainsaw like a bridal bouquet of doom. Rei screamed and ducked, the blade shearing a swath of rose petals into confetti.

"STAY STILL AND LET ME LOVE YOU!" she roared.

He rolled across the bed and immediately got caught in Rosette's poisoned silk net.

"Got you," she purred, eyes shining. "Finally…"

Rei flailed like a fish. "LET GO BEFORE I—"

Seraphina smote the net with holy fire. "I said he belongs to heaven!"

Lilia countered by blasting the fire with void runes. "No, he belongs to eternity with me!"

Rosette tugged harder on the netting. "Correction: he belongs to whoever's holding the cuffs—namely, me."

Drakana raised her chainsaw again. "HE BELONGS TO THE DRAGON BRIDE!"

"STOP TALKING LIKE IT'S A SPORTS ANNOUNCEMENT!" Rei howled, ripping himself free just as the bed exploded under Seraphina's smite.

The cherub statues clapped politely.

[System Commentary: 10/10 chaos. Would watch again.]

+20 Minutes.

Rei scrambled behind a dresser, panting, tuxedo glowing like a beacon.

"Stupid suit! Stop making me look like a shiny wedding cake!"

[System Note: Attractiveness aura cannot be toggled off. ♥]

He peeked around the corner. The girls had turned on each other.

Drakana and Lilia clashed—sword versus staff—sparks flying as they shouted vows over each other.

Seraphina rained down feathers of divine light, while Rosette darted in the shadows, scalpel glinting, aiming for the decisive strike.

It would've been beautiful—if Rei wasn't the prize.

Then Emilia appeared at his side, calmly offering him a sandwich.

"…Why are you always carrying food?" he asked, trembling.

"Because you never eat properly when you're panicking."

He bit the sandwich without hesitation, tears running down his face. "You're the only sane one here…"

[System Update: Emotional Shield restored +5%.]

Emilia smiled faintly. "For now."

+25 Minutes.

The others noticed Rei's hiding spot.

"There he is!" Drakana roared, tossing aside Lilia like a ragdoll.

Rosette hissed from the shadows, "Unfair. He was resting."

Seraphina raised her glowing spear. "Then let this holy strike end the chase—"

"ENOUGH!" Rei screamed, jumping onto the bed, tux glowing like a beacon of doomed divinity. His voice cracked with exhaustion. "I HAVE HAD IT WITH ALL YOUR MARRIAGE ATTEMPTS. NO WEDDINGS. NO OATHS. NO BLOOD CONTRACTS. JUST… STOP."

The room fell into stunned silence.

Even the cherubs stopped playing.

Rei panted, glaring around. "…I want soup. And sleep. And maybe—MAYBE—a hug that doesn't involve knives."

Everyone blinked.

Drakana's chainsaw powered down.

Lilia's staff dimmed.

Rosette's scalpel slipped from her fingers.

Seraphina clutched her chest like she'd been shot with an arrow of actual shame.

Emilia quietly poured tea from her thermos. "…He's right, you know."

The tension shattered—but not in the way Rei hoped.

Instead, all four rivals turned toward Emilia at once.

"If HE'S YOUR SOUP, YOU'RE OUR ENEMY," Drakana snarled.

"She's monopolizing his sanity!" Rosette snapped.

"She dares claim his hugs?" Lilia shrieked.

"Unholy interference!" Seraphina bellowed.

They charged her in unison.

Emilia calmly set down the teapot. "…I regret everything."

+30 Minutes.

The bridal suite shook like an earthquake. Walls cracked. The cherubs melted. The ceiling collapsed into another portal swirling with ominous light.

[System Emergency Alert: Maximum chaos threshold reached. Auto-ending triggered.]

[Note: Congratulations, Rei! You survived… technically.]

Rei didn't hesitate. He dove into the portal headfirst, screaming bloody murder.

"DON'T YOU DARE FOLLOW—"

All five girls leapt after him. The portal snapped shut behind them.

The bridal suite dissolved into empty code, leaving only the pigeon perched on the bedframe, holding a new banner in its beak:

"Wife Hunt Complete. Next Event Loading…"

The pigeon cooed.

[System Whisper: You thought this was the end? Lol.

[Next stop: Demon Realm Honeymoon Arc.]

To be continued…