The Greatest Soul Fragment

Chuckles —"Oh my"

"I didn't know we had someone…"

'Chuckles… chuckles'

"Huh— What is this, where am I?" I opened my eyes to find myself laying on a stone table surrounded by a bunch of girls in nurse outfits. 'Is that like cosplay or something?'

"He's waking up, go, go, go"

'What was that about? Besides I'm not really that attractive in the first place, so what could they be looking at…' As I stood up and regained vision, I noticed some weird things that caught my eye.

'Am I taller, or something?' I took a good look at my hands and body, which all seemed fine, maybe even too fine.

"Holy crap, I feel amazing!" I exclaimed as I started stretching through and through, my arms, legs and somehow buttocks.

'I am… the master of stretch' I said with my hands together as in a prayer pose, eyes closed and in a side split. It felt as if the Shaolin Master himself was jealous of me. 'I wonder what it looks like in the mirror' I thought with excitement before rapidly walking towards the bathroom in the white room. And as I walked towards the mirror, I could slowly see my physique.

"Holy shit, I look like a Greek God!"

'No wait, brace for impact is this some kind of prank in the upper world?' I looked around but noone was there.

'This is kind of cool and weird but more importantly' I faced towards the Legendary-All-Good-My beloved desired… Toilet! 'I think I just shed a tear'

What happens next is not something one would wish to experience

*****

Two men entered through the front door about an hour later.

"Good evening," the first man said, his voice carrying the weight of authority. "My name is Dr. Ravio, and this is a Junior Assistant in the Seven Saint Committee."

[The Selim Horde concists of 6 main clans, each of them administrating different sectors of the Justice System.]

[The Seven Saint Commite (Known as Saints), Toulord, Nighsar, Asthec Lyre, Arse f. Kyrim, and Cartesians.]

[Along those 6 main clans, the Council of Selim is mostly made up of these, and in 20% devided by the Notriety disparity of all of the other lesser clans.]

I shifted uncomfortably. Something about their clinical stares made me feel like a lab rat.

"And your name is?" Dr. Ravio's tone suggested this was less a question and more a formality.

"Luke."

"Just Luke?"

I smiled, appreciating the callback to my earlier registration. 'At least someone gets it.'

"Me and the gentleman to my left came here today to receive data on your soul, so could you explain what happened when you were administered the trial pill?"

"I remember passing out. Then waking up in a dark sea of... enthusiastic admirers? It was like a bizarre dream where I was suddenly the star of a very confusing medical drama. And then... well, let's just say there were some probing questions and even more probing explenations."

They looked at me like at some kind of underdeveloped ape, but I only tried my best in explaining what had happened. "Could you try explaining more directly?"

"Ummm, Oh right" "…" 'Dr. Ravio probably misinterprets my genius'

They looked at me with the most serious faces literally screaming to not waste their time.

"Well first there was a guy talking about some doubts, then there was a beautiful girl who punched the other guy, then there…"

As uninterested in the conversation as they were, I begun imagining myself in a golden mansion laying on a sunbed of money in fornt of my pool in the shape of a dollar bill. 'Yeees, and to top it all of, Siri in a bikini bringing me a bottle of shampane on a silver platter. Our kids playing in the pool, splashing each other cheerfully and a…'

"Hold that thought, did you just say a guy and then a girl?"

'He just ruined my routine daydream'

"Yeah, as I said before, there was a guy and then there was a girl, and then there was…"

In that moment I felt as if two hollow rocks where staring at me with the most absurd expressions.

The two men hid their faces as well as they could and begun whispering while occasionally looking at each other followed by myself.

"This is extraordinary!"

"No, no, no!"

"I need to recruit him right away"

"There is no way, it has to be a prank"

"The last person to lie like this got executed"

They turned back to face me once again. "We will now test you, and you cannot object"

"Why would I object?"

They were holding a strange instrument in their hands, it was long and shiny. 'I wonder what the test will be' It looked similarily to a vegatable from my world called an eggplant, but silver and with five stripes from side to side. 'This has gotten slightly weird since they started applying some slippery subtance all over it'

"Don't worry, It's not as bad as it looks like, besides the lotion will help." The doctor gave me a reassuring smile.

"Oh ok… Hold on, did you just say Lotion?"

"Yeah, so it goes in quicker" Said the other one

"NO NO NO, I didn't give conscent to this madness!"

"Hold his legs!" "Yes doctor" "Get him down!". These pretencious hipsters calling themselves professionals yet trying to deprive a man of his dignity.

'I'm running away'

And I tried to run, but before I could even reach the door, I felt a force holding me in the air with my feet wiggling. 'Why aren't I moving?' Followed by a strong electric shock coursing through my body.

"What's happening to me!"

"Don't worry, it will be over soon" I looked behind to see two men smirking, having fun from my demise by walking the path of absolute evil. Their crimson eyes and laughs surrounded me, 'though I may have imagined that part'.

"No, Pleaaaaaase!" I begged but my words were not heard, I tried persuading them with my charms, but all was too late. The sensation of the electric shock helped with the pain, but my dignity and manlyhood were lost forever.

*****

"Wakey wakey"

"…"

"Wake uppp"

"Shut up, I'm currently depressed" I said with a tired, bitter voice.

"Luke!"

"YES MAM!" I woke up with the same dizzy feeling as before. ouch. I grabbed my butt 'cause it hurt. 'Wait who was I talking to just now?' I looked around in confusion though I seemed to be alone, and then it hit me, I was back in the old-fricking-cell once again!

"Guard! Guard!" I shouted 5 more times but received no response. 'Hmm, normally they come after the fourth. Maybe I shout try…'

"No one is coming" A familiar voice rang in my head

"Siri? Where are you?" 'But I don't see her'

"I'm your soul you dummy, I don't have a body."

"Ah right… I forgot"

"I see that you've ascended. Well not like it's unexpected given the almighty myself blessed thou with my presence." HA. HA. HA. ha. ha.

"What do you mean by ascended?" 'Is that why my physique changed so much?'

"Indeed, however we mustn't waste time since you're in quite a pickle" "…"

"See, fortunately and unfortunately for you, having more than one soul appear to you is rather rare… extremely rare. And to top it all off, you've witnessed our true forms, our bodies."

"O-kaay?"

"Don't you see the magnitute of this revelation? To witness the souls' body is as mythical as Ruby looking happy" 'That indeed is quite mythical.'

"I still don't understand the problem" I didn't listen to a word she said, the only thought in my mind was 'Siri, siri, the goddess is here.'

Slap*

My cheek turned red with the sudden shock. "Get a hold of yourself Luke, you may die if something goes wrong." 'How did she slap me without being here?'

"Soon, a couple guards will come pick you up and lead you to THE Council, your chances may be low if the ones there are annoying pricks."

"Does this mean that this may be…the…end?"

My beautiful, extravagant dream of living a scummy life shattered like broken glass.

I was now officially in desperate need of a plan. "I'll do whatever it takes"

"Don't worry little guy, your big sis has got-ya-baaack" She chuckled with a devious grin "After all, who better to ask for advice then a first-class devine soul such as myself" HAHA. HA. Ha.

She sounded proud and I almost felt as if I could see her in the middle of a stadium after winning the championship. 'is this applause I hear in the distance?'

'(Si-Ri bum-bum-bum, Si-Ri bum-bum-bum) that's probably what she hears'

[She did in fact hear the aplause] "So what's the advice?"

"Ah right, most importantly you need to act confident"

"I am confident"

"Not monkey confidence, I mean geniuine confidence"

"…" I wish I could say that she was wrong.

"Secondly, you need to find a target whom you'll observe very precisely, and you may never break eye contact before them, this is of course to assert dominance. And try to shift the mood to be more casual, but I know that you'll be fine since you have a sense of humour."

I listened to her so carefully, not any other sound cought my attention. 'I am SO ready!'

"Oh and when the situation gets bad, which I doubt thanks to my teachings, just tell them these exact words—"

*****