The Price of Love Was Only Despair and Hell

At that moment, the office door opened, and Lenin emerged. When Lenin saw Sarubia, he relaxed his stiff expression and bowed to her. Their eyes met, and Sarubia immediately spoke.

“Is Your Majesty in the office?”

“Yes, He’s inside reviewing documents,” Lenin replied.

Upon hearing this, Sarubia pushed open the office door. Jenaden, who had been sitting in a chair and reviewing the documents, looked up with a startled expression when she suddenly entered. The door slammed shut with a loud clang.

Sarubia strode up to Jenaden and shouted, “Are you crazy?”

“Sarubia, what’s wrong with you all of a sudden? No matter how much you say you’re an empress, you’re being unreasonable!” Jenaden exclaimed.

“Yes, I’m an empress, and that’s exactly why I’m here to tell you something!” Sarubia retorted.

As Jenaden raged, Sarubia took a deep breath and continued, “I thought at least Your Majesty would remarry after divorcing me. But you’re going to take her as your empress? Is my father’s attention that important to you?”

“It’s only a matter of time before Diana becomes known as the Emperor’s love interest,” Jenaden said.

“Yes, I know, but Haydn is just a duke in name. His family doesn’t have much power. How could such a family possibly earn my father’s attention? There was no issue as long as she stayed quiet before we divorced!”

Jenaden was taken aback by Sarubia’s words. She was trembling, speaking with a visible rage he had never seen from her. He had always known her to be calm and collected, but now she was looking at him with a mixture of anger and hurt. He fell silent, unable to respond.

“I don’t care if Your Majesty plays with love,” Sarubia said, trying to control her emotions. “But shouldn’t you at least consider doing business with me?”

“Diana… she—”

“She wanted to come in as your empress. I want to challenge the Duke of Bronar. I don’t want to live in hiding anymore.”

Jenaden’s face became filled with guilt. He felt both anger toward himself and sorrow for Sarubia, realizing he had not done enough to help her during their time together. Looking at Jenaden, who was full of feelings for his first love, Sarubia swallowed her words.

“Don’t you think about me, who had a hard time because of you?” Sarubia’s voice quivered as she bit her lip, trying to suppress the emotions threatening to spill out. With a heavy sigh, she spoke again. “At least you should have consulted me.”

“I’m sorry,” Jenaden muttered.

Sarubia smirked, her laughter sounding almost bitter. It had been a long time since she had felt sorry for herself. It seemed like this man—her husband—had never understood her. She couldn’t fathom how love had changed him so much. The nausea in her chest became unbearable.

“Fine. Well, when she is surrounded by forces in the wasteland… Your Majesty, do you think that might threaten the Duke of Bronar?”

Jenaden didn’t respond immediately, only staring at her in silence.

“I’ll fight everyone to the death—especially my father. Can Your Majesty protect her?”

“The fight has already begun anyway. The Haydn family may be a mere title, but it has power. I don’t think it’s a bad fight,” Jenaden replied.

“Then watch carefully. I’ll prepare to fight my father as I am. Sarubia realized that continuing to talk to Jenaden was pointless. She reprimanded herself for ever thinking he could be a useful collaborator.

‘I need to survive on my own,’ she thought. In the end, it was clear she would have to handle things herself. One by one, she would eliminate the Duke of Bronar’s influence and escape the palace.

Sarubia turned and walked toward the door. She reached for the doorknob but paused and glanced back at Jenaden, as if remembering something.

“If you want me to be kind to Diana, please don’t ask that of me.”

“……”

“I don’t want to hear that I’m a foolish queen who’s been robbed of her husband.”

Sarubia turned and left, slamming the door behind her. Jenaden, left alone, sighed deeply and buried his face in the chair. When he closed his eyes, he saw Sarubia’s face, contorted with hurt. His mood quickly soured as guilt weighed heavily on him.

***

Sarubia walked through the hall, her footsteps echoing loudly. She stopped in her tracks, feeling the familiar ache of loss. Before her return to this life, she had been blind to everything, and now, under these unforeseen circumstances, she was unable to make a single right decision. Despite her efforts to remain strong, Jenaden had fallen for his first love again.

“Will I ever be able to forget this?” Sarubia wondered. Even now, the thought of Jenaden and Diana together tore at her. If she were to see them as a couple after Diana became empress, would she be able to handle it?

Her fist clenched tightly. It was truly time to let go of her feelings for Jenaden. The connection, once fragile like a thread, was now completely severed. And that was for the best. Diana would be better for him. She tried to comfort herself, her lower lip trembling as she held back tears.

“Hello, Your Majesty,” a voice interrupted her thoughts.

Sarubia looked up to see a long shadow in front of her. It was Elaine, who stood before her with a surprised expression. Sarubia, with red, bloodshot eyes, looked back at him, on the verge of tears.

“Your Majesty, are you alright?” Elaine asked kindly.

Sarubia swallowed her tears and nodded, her eyes still filled with sorrow. Elaine continued in a worried tone, “Who did you wrong?”

Sarubia spoke through her tears. “Diana…”

Elaine’s eyes widened as he realized that Sarubia had found out about Diana’s rise to empress. He looked at her with concern, his usual composure slipping slightly. “Let’s go,” he suggested softly.

Before Sarubia could respond, Elaine held out a handkerchief from his pocket. “In case you need it,” he said gently.

Sarubia stared at the handkerchief, which looked familiar. She unfolded it, and there, engraved in gold thread at the corner, was her name. She blinked in confusion and looked up at Elaine.

“This handkerchief… I gave it to a girl named Grace. But why does Prince Haydn have it?” Sarubia asked, her voice trembling.

Elaine smiled awkwardly, “Grace is a new kitchen attendant in my family.”

“What?” Sarubia was taken aback. When they had parted ways, she had sent Grace to the nursery. But how did she end up with the Duke of Haydn? Had the man abandoned her?

Sarubia’s expression grew colder as she processed the information, but Elaine remained unfazed, still smiling gently.

“She’s just a child, so she still does chores. I accepted it because I felt there was a story, but I never expected to meet Your Majesty,” Elaine explained.

Sarubia responded with a sense of relief. “How is Grace doing?”

Elaine nodded. “She’s doing well.”

Sarubia felt a small weight lift off her chest. She wouldn’t have been able to bear it if the child had come to harm.

Elaine observed her, surprised to see Sarubia smile faintly for the first time. Her face, always so expressionless, seemed to soften as the corners of her mouth lifted slightly. Elaine stared at her in awe.

“I never thought I’d see Her Majesty smile,” he remarked.

Sarubia looked at him, her expression almost unreadable. “Do you think I can get along with the Haydn family?”

Elaine seemed hesitant. “But the last time…”

“That was before Prince Haydn’s brother became His Majesty’s wasteland,” Sarubia cut him off coldly. At that moment, she realized how much her relationship with the Haydn family had changed. It had become an obstacle to her survival.

Elaine spoke cautiously. “I want to get along with Your Majesty.”

Sarubia gave him a cold smile as she turned away. “There’s no way it’ll work.”

A chilling breeze seemed to follow Sarubia as she walked off. Elaine sighed, watching her retreating figure, unable to understand why he kept finding himself drawn to her.

***

When Sarubia returned to her room, she immediately began preparing to leave. Stella, who had followed her inside, looked at her with wide eyes.

“Your Majesty, where are you going?” she asked.

“I need to go outside,” Sarubia replied.

“What? Well, I’ll tell you to post the articles,” Stella said, but Sarubia shook her head.

“I’ll be back quietly. Please prepare a small carriage.”

“It would be dangerous to go alone,” Stella said, stamping her feet anxiously.

Sarubia wore a black robe and reassured her, “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

Stella nodded reluctantly, and Sarubia opened a drawer next to her bed, gathering some gold coins and jewelry.

When she went outside, a small carriage awaited her. Sarubia hurried inside, and the carriage made its way toward Freedom Square, the heart of the city.

Once there, Sarubia got off and surveyed the area. “It was somewhere here,” she muttered to herself.

As she walked, she spotted a dark alleyway and entered it. The sunlight didn’t reach this part of the street, making it feel shadowed and quiet.

Sarubia looked around at the shops, her eyes landing on a worn wooden sign that read “Herrington General Store.”

“This is the place,” she murmured and cautiously pushed open the door.