I Can Hear the Saint’s Inner Thoughts

69 – Fair and Square is Bullshit (2)

The Colosseum’s rules proposed by the Dullahan were simpler than I expected.

Firstly, all participants in the Colosseum must fight until one side can no longer move, or until their very existence is completely extinguished, to determine the victor.

This was a unique feature of the Forsaken Hollow. Due to the Dullahan, a Death Knight’s power, no living creature here could truly die.

Even if they bled an exorbitant amount, every muscle in their body was severed, or every bone shattered into dust.

Therefore, to ease the defeated, there was even a ritual of taking them outside the territory and closing their eyes.

“Do you really have to go?”

From the inn room, as I prepared to depart for the Colosseum, a voice stopped me.

Victoria, her platinum blonde hair fluttering, anxiously trying to hide her unease with her hands clasped tightly together.

“I don’t want Astal to get hurt. Not all the flowers that have bloomed on your body have been removed yet, have they?”

Victoria knew this as well, so she spoke to me with a worried tone. As she said, the flowers blooming on my body hadn’t all been removed yet.

“Even if you reach the end of the Colosseum, the Dullahan might break his promise. Are you really going to accept his offer?”

“…He wants to fight me. If it wasn’t for that whim, he’d have killed me already.”

Victoria was reciting the second rule of the arena that the Dullahan had proposed. If you survive to the end and win, you earn the right to fight him one-on-one.

In the end, it’s something I have to do to avenge my parents and bring peace to the world by defeating the Demon King.

“Besides, I’m the mage of the Hero’s party. If I wasn’t prepared to die for the world in the first place, I wouldn’t have joined this journey.”

Knowing Victoria’s heart, I was saying words that drove a huge dagger into her heart with heavy feelings.

Because if it’s not us, no one can kill the Demon King. Because we’re the only ones with any hope, having killed the Four Heavenly Kings for the first time in the history of Hero’s parties.

As Victoria said a little while ago, there were too many things weighing on my shoulders to throw everything away and run away to live with her.

“I can’t even imagine a life without you anymore. Just imagining it makes it hard to breathe, and my heart aches so much that I get the urge to die.”

– Because I love you. If I’m with you, I don’t care if I’m branded a traitor to humanity… I’d rather run away somewhere.

*Squeeze*

Victoria gently hugged me as she said that. Judging from her words, actions, and inner thoughts, it was as if she was holding me back from going to the arena.

If Victoria used her full strength, she could easily stop me, but she deliberately wasn’t going that far.

“But, I know that believing in and supporting you is what a loved one should do.”

Unlike her words, I could feel a tremble in Victoria’s voice. As if trying to hide that anxiety, the arms holding me tightened slightly.

“Victoria.”

“What is it?”

I slowly spoke Victoria’s name.

Because I didn’t want to worry my comrade, who had overcome countless hardships and battles with me, and the person who loved me.

Frankly speaking, it was the portrait of a cowardly human.

I had rejected Victoria’s confession because I was afraid she would die, but now that I was facing a life-threatening crisis, I might have needed an excuse.

“You think I’m going to die?”

“…I don’t think so, but you barely survived last time.”

When I turned to look at Victoria’s face, her eyes were brimming with tears.

Seeing the change in her usually emotionless, always stiff demeanor made my heart feel like a lead weight.

Clearly, there shouldn’t be any personal feelings involved in this contract relationship.

“I want to live the future with you. I want to tell our tales of heroism to our children, have people talk about them, lightly reminiscing, ‘Ah, there was that time…'”

Even I, who knew little about romance with the opposite s*x, could feel how genuine Victoria’s emotions were.

Honestly, I wanted to defeat the Demon King without anyone dying. If possible, I also wanted to spend the rest of my life laughing, crying, and happily chatting with Victoria.

But,

“Even appealing to my emotions like that won’t change anything, you know that.”

“…Yes.”

Hope is just hope, and reality is reality. The gap that arises between them always cruelly murders people, desperately plunges them into despair.

“If we back down here, more people will die. We’re barely gaining the upper hand after defeating one of the Four Heavenly Kings.”

I knew that fact better than anyone, so I slowly stroked Victoria’s hair, comforting her.

“So, even if there’s no hope, we have to move forward and fight for the people. That’s what I think a hero party should be.”

The beautiful platinum blonde hair tangled softly in my fingers, and in that moment, I was once again struck by how beautiful Victoria was.

The one called the Celestial Daughter, a mixed-blood hybrid with the blood of a Gold Dragon and a human, a hero known as the Saintess of Flowers…

‘…More precious than anyone, and a companion who loves me.’

I couldn’t bring myself to speak the words throbbing in my heart, so I phrased it differently.

These feelings… if I don’t convey them after defeating the Demon King, we might only be left with regrets.

In famous novels or plays, if you leave a tender promise before a war or a big fight, doesn’t that always mean you’re going to die?

“…But, I was afraid of losing you. More afraid of you dying now, than of my whole body turning into flowers and my days dwindling away.”

– I don’t want you to die…. So just run away….

Victoria was pouring out her true feelings toward me, the ones she had been holding back. It was the complete opposite of how she used to hide her emotions with deceit and lies.

“If I can just be with Astal-nim, I can give up my position as a saint, my entire future, wealth, and fame…. Don’t you feel the same?”

– I wish you felt the same way I do. That you loved me, cherished me more than anyone…. So you wouldn’t do something so dangerous.

It seemed she was trying to act strong in front of her comrades earlier. The tears already streaming down her cheeks were betraying her true feelings.

“Please, think about it one more time. You can put someone else in your place. You could even hire mercenaries with the money you’ve saved up to fight instead…”

Thump.

Now she was almost kneeling, begging me not to go to the Dullahan Arena, and seeing this, I realized I needed to take drastic measures.

“Here, keep this safe. I’ll win and come back, I promise.”

Like a huge water droplet, a sphere glowing blue. I took it out and carefully handed it to Victoria, saying,

“What is this?”

“It’s my will. I’ve been recording it since I started the Demon Lord subjugation. You have to handle it carefully, okay?”

I casually revealed its identity to Victoria. Originally, I had prepared my will in advance, knowing that I could die at any moment.

“Why are you giving something like this to me now…? Are you trying to play a joke on me…! Are you really determined to die…!!”

As soon as Victoria heard those words, she bit her lower lip and started pounding on my back with her fists. The impact reverberated with a surprisingly loud thud, and I felt like I was going to get bruised.

“Calm down. It’s more like a diary than a will now…!”

I was almost shouting as I explained the whole story to clear up Victoria’s misunderstanding. If I wasn’t careful, I’d end up injured before I even made it to the arena.

“A diary…? You mean this big crystal ball thing?”

“Yeah! I recorded my feelings and inner thoughts for every moment, just in case I died, but this is also a promise that it won’t happen!”

Originally, this magic tool was engraved with the magic to leave a will, Last Word.

If I record my will beforehand, the magic shows that moment exactly as it was to the first person who discovers me after I die.

“Originally, if I died, the will inside would pour out, but there’s a lot of embarrassing stuff in there….”

In the end, I survived a year in the Demon Realm, so the will magic I set to activate automatically never had a chance to be used.

“…Why are you giving this to me?”

Victoria looked it over and over, wearing a somewhat unpleasant expression. No matter how she thought about it, she couldn’t shake the ominous feeling.

“Because my real answer to your confession is recorded there. Please trust me that I absolutely won’t die and will return it to you.”

I honestly revealed the secret contained in the will magic to Victoria, and she was so surprised when she heard it that her pupils visibly widened.

“Really…?”

Immediately, a fire blazed in Victoria’s eyes, and she wore a bright smile that made it hard to believe she had been crying just moments before.

“Hey wait…! You can’t force the magic to break…!”

“Why not? I want to confirm the answer inside, even right now. It’s possible that what I’m thinking is right!”

Victoria threw the crystal containing my will to the floor, and even tried to crush it with her grip.

I could tell from this how hurt she was about my confession.

– If I could just hear the feelings inside… maybe I’d get a second chance too…!

Unaware that I could hear Victoria’s thoughts, she was showing an obsessive side towards me.