My Angel Is Out of Their Mind

Panic finally subsided, giving way to irritation and deep contemplation. In front of me, shimmering in every possible color of the rainbow, hovered the character customization screen. Honestly, scrolling through endless options was already getting on my nerves.

— Are you planning to pick something, or will you keep staring at that floating screen straight out of a low-budget anime adaptation? — Angel teased, comfortably perched on a nearby crumbling column.

— Is there really any rush? — I grumbled, half-heartedly scrolling through the endless lists.

— Oh, sure, no hurry at all. You're just standing in the ruins of an ancient city, calmly selecting your hairstyle, while hungry creatures roam around eager to snack on you, — she smirked, lazily swinging her leg. — Actually, I'd hurry if I were you.

— Stop trying to scare me, — I muttered, trying to find something decent among the hundreds of options.

Suddenly, my gaze caught on a very odd category:

🔳 Community Presets

— What the hell is this? — I narrowed my eyes suspiciously.

The screen immediately displayed some questionable choices:

🟢 Centaur-Octopus Hybrid (Extremely popular among those who hate flat floors and chairs.)

🟡 Elven Princess with Beard (For those who believe true beauty lies deep within… a beard.)

🟠 Dwarf Model in Swimsuit (Elegant. Impractical. Highly questionable.)

I slowly turned toward Angel, struggling to keep a straight face:

— Who… seriously… ever chose THIS?

Angel paused for a second, then burst into laughter:

— Oh, trust me, dear, you'd be shocked if you saw the actual statistics. Humans are very... unique creatures.

— Alright, but who actually chose the dwarf in a swimsuit?

— Seriously? — Angel squinted mischievously. — Do you really want to know that it was the number one preset among men aged 30 to 50?

I blinked nervously, trying to erase the disturbing image from my head:

— But… why?!

— Apparently, it's easy to play as him—everyone just pities you and hesitates to attack. Well, at least until you start taking the swimsuit off.

I sighed heavily and quickly closed the disturbing tab.

— And who even creates these presets?

— People with extremely vivid imaginations, — Angel smirked. — Or deep psychological issues. Oh, and there's also a separate group obsessed with goblin presets who…

— Stop! — I abruptly interrupted her. — No more goblins. Especially after remembering a certain guy who loves exterminating them.

She nodded knowingly:

— Oh yeah, after that Goblin Slayer appeared, those green guys went sharply out of style.

I opened the custom appearance menu again.

— Hmm, maybe blond?

— Perfect, — Angel immediately replied sarcastically. — You'll look exactly like the classic hero: golden heart, zero intelligence.

— Alright, then maybe red?

— Sure, and then I'll start calling you "Sunshine" at the most inappropriate moments.

— Fine, black hair then.

— Now that's a grown-up choice, — Angel nodded approvingly. — Dark, mysterious, dramatic. Plus, if something terrible happens to you, no one will notice your stress-induced gray hair.

I winced but confirmed her recommendation. Slightly messy, medium-length black hair actually looked pretty good.

— Eyes, — I muttered thoughtfully, studying dozens of colors. — Maybe green?

— An elven approach? — Angel drawled skeptically. — There's already too much of that around. Red would be perfect. Plus, we'd match nicely.

— "Match" sounds weird. Or are you subtly hinting that you've become bored alone?

She giggled, mockingly covering her mouth:

— Oh-ho, someone's ambitious! It's purely aesthetic, sweetheart.

— Fine, red it is, — I confirmed my selection.

The screen flickered joyfully and finally disappeared, replaced by a new window:

🔳 CHARACTER CREATED 🔳

Name: ???Class: ⸮⸮⸮⸮⸮⸮⸮⸮⸮Level: 1Skills:— Evaluation (Level 1)

WARNING! All other skills are locked until special conditions are met!

— Just one skill? And a useless one at that, — I sighed.

— Did you expect an instant firestorm or a mega-apocalyptic power? You're the one who broke the system, — Angel remarked sarcastically.

— At least I got something… — I muttered under my breath.

Out of boredom, I glanced at her and activated my new skill:

— Evaluation.

🔳 TARGET ANALYSIS 🔳Name: LuciClass: High Guardian AngelRank: ClassifiedStrength: ???Agility: ???Intelligence: ???

Additional Information:WARNING! Detailed parameters of the target (e.g., bust size) are not included to avoid awkward situations!

I froze.

— So, how do you like my status? — Angel asked mockingly, stepping closer. — I hope you weren't expecting to see my body measurements?

— Uh, no… I just…

— Just wanted to see my stats? You little rascal, — she laughed, shaking her head. — Actually, if you were so curious about my name, you could've spent two seconds of your precious time earlier and just asked, instead of endlessly calling me "Angel."

— Luci?.. — I repeated, surprised.

— Yep, and it's definitely not short for Lucifer, — she warned.— Call me Lucifer just once and you'll wake up with goblin ears and an elven princess's beard.

— Got it, no more goblins… — I agreed quickly, involuntarily smiling at her sudden seriousness.

Only now did I finally look around properly and involuntarily shivered. We were standing amidst massive stone ruins. Ancient columns, statues half-buried in sand, and an arch with a huge hole above clearly testified to my "spectacular" landing.

— Where exactly are we? — I asked quietly, peering into the mysterious shadows surrounding us.

Angel slowly glanced around and calmly answered, a sly smile still visible:

— Welcome to Xerx. A city that aspired to become a god but turned to dust in the desert instead.

An unpleasant chill ran down my spine at her words. I opened my mouth to ask another question, but suddenly a deep, drawn-out roar echoed from the depths of the ruins, causing the sand beneath our feet to tremble slightly.

Luci instantly tensed up, her playful smile fading into a grim expression.

— What was that sound? — I asked, feeling anxiety creep in.

— Oh, just a minor issue, — she chuckled nervously, peering into the darkness. — Before this city disappeared, local alchemists heavily experimented with chimerization, trying to create perfect life forms. The disaster killed nearly everything, but some of their creations managed to survive by falling into deep sleep.

— Wait, alchemists? Chimerization? What are you even talking about? — I interrupted, confused by these unfamiliar words.

Luci waved impatiently, not taking her eyes off the growing darkness:

— Trust me, sweetheart, that shouldn't be your biggest concern right now.

— Meaning…?

— Meaning you should first focus on not becoming dinner, — she replied grimly, pointing forward.

Slowly emerging from the shadows came a huge creature, covered in a disturbing mix of scales and fur. Its glowing yellow eyes locked directly onto mine, and I involuntarily stepped back.

Taking a shaky breath, I muttered quietly, my voice trembling slightly:

— Now I'm absolutely certain my problems have only just begun…