Naruto: Reborn as Uchiha Obito

"You're Madara Uchiha?!!!"

Yugao Uzuki stared at Obito, face full of shock.

"..."

Obito was quiet for a moment, then gave her a lazy glance.

"Heh, you're only just figuring that out now? Little slow, aren't you?"

"How's that even possible?! You're supposed to be dead!"

"You're dead. Your whole family is dead."

"Oh wait... my bad, didn't mean to hit a nerve. Your parents actually are dead, huh?"

Uchiha Obito delivered that roast with pinpoint accuracy.

"You…!"

Yugao Uzuki's face flushed red with rage, practically shaking as she glared daggers at him. Her teeth clenched so hard they could chip a kunai.

"So, what, are you here for revenge on Konoha?"

"Hey now, little girl, stop spreading rumors. That's slander."

Obito rolled his eyes, looking deeply unbothered.

"I'm not the mastermind behind this. It's Iwagakure and Cloud Village making their move. Has nothing to do with me."

"Besides, even if I knew from the start, I'm not part of Konoha anymore. Just standing here, watching the fireworks. That's not a crime, right?"

"You…"

Yugao opened her mouth again but came up short, no comeback ready this time.

"Oh? The Third Hokage's finally dragged his old ass out."

Obito lost interest in the little loli and turned back to the battlefield.

The old man was barking orders and rallying his ninjas, trying to mount some kind of counterattack.

Too bad their efforts were laughable... those attacks barely scratched the Nine-Tails.

"ROAR!!"

The Nine-Tails bellowed and locked eyes with the Hokage Rock. It lowered its head and began forming a Tailed Beast Bomb in its mouth.

Obito narrowed his eyes. Ah... Minato.

Of course. The Nine-Tails hate boner for the Fourth and his wife was off the charts. The moment they showed up, it skipped the foreplay and went straight to nukes.

What followed was straight out of the original anime: Minato used Flying Thunder God to grab the Tailed Beast Bomb mid-flight and instantly redirected it to explode harmlessly on a distant mountain.

Then, in true flash fashion, he blinked away from Hokage Rock, tossed a kunai toward the Nine-Tails, and teleported above it mid-throw.

With a mighty "bang!", a massive toad dropped from the sky and body-slammed the Nine-Tails straight down.

"Huh?"

Obito squinted thoughtfully.

The Third Hokage's out here, Danzo and the Root are out here, most of the Konoha shinobi are probably swarming the battlefield...

Which means...

"...Then what am I doing here? Let's get busy."

Without another word, Obito dropped Yugao Uzuki into his Kamui dimension and vanished.

A few moments later, on the top floor of a building near the Hokage Residence, space distorted and Obito reappeared inside a dim room.

"Just as I thought. Completely empty."

He smirked.

This was the traditional residence of the Hokage passed down from the First Hokage onward. It housed countless forbidden scrolls, secret files, and personal Hokage records.

But only the first three Hokage ever stayed here.

As for the Fourth Hokage and Naruto, the future Seventh well, let's just say those two had their own thing going on.

Obito scanned the room. Sure enough, shelves upon shelves of scrolls lined the walls.

No time to waste. He got to work, sucking scroll after scroll into the Kamui dimension.

"Oh, nice... Wood Style scroll. That'll come in handy."

"Oho~ The Scroll of Seals. Finally gotcha. Damn, this one's thick."

The legacy of the First and Second Hokage was now in his hands.

Especially the Scroll of Seals—most of it jam-packed with Tobirama's personal collection of forbidden techniques.

Tobirama: "Big brother, I invented another ninjutsu."

Hashirama: "Is it a water style ninjutsu?"

Tobirama: "No."

Hashirama: "Then write it down in the Scroll of Seals, and ban it. Come, I'll give you the pen, you write it yourself."

——

In a short amount of time, every scroll, book, and scrap of paper in the room had been swept clean by Uchiha Obito.

Before leaving, he even left a little thank-you note on one of the empty shelves:

"Thank you Hokage-sama for the gift! I appreciate it, really!"

---

Elsewhere, deep in a mountain far from Konoha, a massive fox was bound tightly to the ground by thick golden chains.

The formation had already been set.

Outside the glowing seal barrier, the Third Hokage stood with his staff, flanked by two Konoha ninja, all three wearing tight, uneasy expressions as they stared at the writhing beast inside.

"The Nine-Tails… I'll deal with it myself," Minato said grimly. "I'm not suited to be a Jinchūriki, so I can only use the Reaper Death Seal."

"The Reaper Death..." He echoed, the weight in his tone making it feel like a final sentence.

Determination flickered in his eyes.

"Trust this kid, he's our son, he'll definitely suffer and that's fine by me!" The Fourth Hokage said with a warm, radiant smile.

As the Grim Reaper's eerie soul emerged behind him, Minato gasped and spoke with peace in his voice.

However Uzumaki Kushina wasn't on board.

She was already in deep pain, both physically and emotionally.

"He's our son, and that's exactly why I don't want him burdened with this kind of crap!"

"And why the hell are you using the Reaper Death Seal?! Just so you don't have to pay child support later?! You're really a pussy... god, I should've married someone else!" Kushina snapped with venom.

Minato's face twitched.

"My only wish now was to see Naruto grow up… just for a little while... Why the hell do I have to die for this!" She said it with a broken voice, sad, furious, and barely hanging on.

Minato's smile somehow widened, warm and glowing like a dumbass.

"That can't be, Kushina... If you stay alive, wouldn't that make Naruto's life easier?"

"How's he gonna become Hokage like that?"

"How's he gonna become a miserable little bitch like me?" He had tears in his eyes.

Kushina was stunned. Completely speechless.

"For the sake of the Tailed Beast Balance..."

"For the sake of the country..."

"For the sake of the village..."

Minato's voice was full of calm, deluded conviction.

"Do you want Naruto to be a victim?"

"Do you want me to be a victim too?!" Kushina shouted, her voice confused and full of disbelief.

Blood trickled from her lips.

She burst into tears, panting, sobbing, her face twisted with sadness and fury.

Minato stepped forward gently, like an idiot wrapped in sunshine.

"Abandon the country, abandon the village... it's the same as abandoning your own kid."

"You of all people should understand what it's like to lose your home—what a cruel life it is to be pushed into someone else's land."

"Not to mention... our family..."

"We're all ninjas."

"And..."

...and then, in a truly rare moment in ninja history, Minato Namikaze For once in their marriage, he actually won the argument.

A true first.

Using nothing but pure, undiluted Talk No Jutsu.

Grim Reaper:

"Y'all done with the family drama? Alright then gimme dat ahh."

With perfect timing, the Grim Reaper's translucent left hand pierced through Minato's soul and body... straight toward the Nine-Tails.

"Damn you, Fourth Hokage!!!" Kurama roared in rage.

"Reaper Death Seal!"

The Reaper's arm withdrew with a huge, writhing chunk of the Nine-Tails' chakra.

And right there, visible to the naked eye, Kurama shrunk. Like a pissed-off balloon slowly deflating.

"Damn it!!"

Kurama yelled again, but the chains binding him weakened, loosening now that a huge portion of his power had been taken.

"Next, as the best father in the world… I must now shove this big ass Nine-Tails into my newborn son." Minato, wiping blood from his mouth, smiled proudly.

"Naruto... believe me, you're definitely gonna love this daddy's gift."

Without an ounce of shame, Minato used Spiritism to summon a ritual altar and gently placed baby Naruto on it like some kind of blood sacrifice offering.

Meanwhile...

Kurama's rage hit max level.

That fox had been sealed, used, manipulated, and now... now he was about to be shoved into a literal baby again?

"Hell no!"

The Nine-Tails roared inside his mind.

He saw the Fourth Hokage about to pull another sealing trick and the target this time?

That little crying gremlin on the altar.

"It's now!!"

Seizing the opportunity when Minato was distracted by Kushina's deteriorating condition, Kurama raised his massive right claw... sharp, deadly, ready to delete the baby.

And then

Fwump.

As the claw swung down like a guillotine

space distorted.

A masked man stood between Naruto and the claw..

Ho~ What perfect timing.

Obito looked up at the incoming claw, unimpressed, eyebrows slightly raised.

His Sharingan glared up at the beast.

The Nine-Tails froze.

Its pupils dilated, then spun into three tomoe.

Obito clapped his hands together.

"Wood Release: Deep Forest Bloom."

BOOM.

The ground cracked, surged, and within seconds an entire miniature forest exploded from the dirt.

Thick roots and giant trees spiraled upwards, blocking the view of the Third Hokage and other Ninjas outside the barrier.

Just like that... their drama was cut off.

Private performance, bitch. Curtain's down.

---

PS: 110 Stones short. That's life... you aim, you miss, you pour yourself another drink.

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