Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu web novel

　--Subaru ran frantically in a world where everything seemed distorted.

"――――"

　That's not sane.

　Not sane Not sane Not sane Not sane Not sane Not sane Not sane Not sane Not sane Not sane Not sane Not sane.

　The words repeat over and over in my head.

　As he repeated those words, the image that came to mind behind his eyelids was of Roswaal's final moments, fallen before his eyes by the fangs of the Great Rabbit.

　Without resistance, accepting his own death so easily, without even a cry of pain as his flesh was torn apart, Roswaal ended his existence.

　--That's abnormal.

　What else can you call this but abnormal and insane?

　If his parallel world self could achieve his goal, then he didn't care if his current self died - if this were a game, Subaru might have given the same meaning to the player character's death.

　But it's reality.

　How can you entrust your real life to someone else, another version of yourself?

　Roswaal was eaten by the rabbit right before Subaru's eyes and died. However, Roswaal's consciousness did not return to the world that Subaru had returned to after "Return by Death."

　He may be the same as Subaru in pinning his hopes on "Return by Death," but the weight of what he has to pay to get there is vastly different between Subaru and Roswaal.

　Unlike Subaru, who can get his money back, the price Roswaal offers will never be returned.

"--Ugh."

　As he runs, Subaru is overcome with the urge to vomit as he remembers Roswaal's brutal death.

　His stomach acid rose up and his throat felt like it was burning hot. Not even having time to vomit, Subaru ran around, wandering the Sanctuary in search of survivors.

　--Hell was unfolding before Subaru once again.

　The snow has stopped falling in the Sanctuary, but a howling wind still blows.

　I grimaced at the pain, as if a cold file was scraping my skin, and looked around, where I could hear cries floating in the wind here and there.

　Its short, saw-like teeth ground together with a clicking sound, making a threatening noise towards its prey as it surrounded the entire "Sanctuary".

　The big rabbit wanders the "sanctuary" in search of prey.

　How severe is the sense of hunger and hunger that assails them?

　If they can't find prey, they don't even have time to rest their teeth, and instead sate their hunger by biting the neighboring creatures. A true, bankrupt monster.

　The harsh crunching of teeth and the constant sounds of cannibalism, dying and joyous cries coming from all around him, slowly eroded Subaru's sanity.

"--Wow!"

　Subaru shook his head to shake off the abhorrent sound that lingered in his ears, but a rabbit passed overhead with its jaws open. There was the sound of fangs clashing viciously, and the rabbit, having missed its prey, rolled over on the snow, making a threatening noise.

　Immediately afterwards, one of the Lewes clones, who had been running alongside Subaru, struck the rabbit with its heel from above, crushing its torso. The sounds of flesh being gouged out and bones popping could be heard, and the rabbit spat out the contents of its small body from its mouth before dying.

　Subaru took a deep breath and resumed his sprint, not even looking at the corpse. The Lewes clone also moved its feet to run alongside Subaru.

　Behind him, a short distance away, another rabbit had arrived underneath the one that had just been crushed. The sound of the corpse being eaten in one fell swoop was heard, and the bell of doom rang even louder within Subaru.

　There were six more copies of Lewes around Subaru.

　Immediately after Roswaal was defeated by the Great Rabbit, their numbers had dwindled to half, down from eleven.

Ordered to "protect Subaru", they have fended off attacks by the Great Rabbit, or risked their lives to protect him, and have been reduced to mana.

　Subaru was at a loss as to what to do about giving the clone his life.

　Right now, his only concerns were about Rem's safety in the cathedral and Emilia's presence in the tomb, and everything else was left at the back of his mind.

　It seems that doing so is the only way I can affirm my current actions and protect my heart.

"The, the, the religion...!"

　Subaru's feet got stuck in the snow, he avoided the path crowded with rabbits, and made a large detour around the Sanctuary, arriving at the center of the village, at the cathedral.

　In the village with no light source, the cathedral immediately caught Subaru's eye.

　Of course.

　--In a world of white, only the cathedral was engulfed in bright red flames.

"--Why"

　Kneeling on the snow, Subaru muttered in a husky voice in shock.

　The crackling sounds of the flames spreading and the crackling of building materials mixed with the sound of a large rabbit diving into the fire to eat its prey inside the cathedral, only to be burned to ashes like a flying insect.

　So, if they are so keen to get into the Cathedral, that means there is something inside to sate their hunger.

　And the fact that it continues to remain in that flame means that.

"――――"

　It is not hard to understand the feelings of someone who has given up hope of survival and would rather commit suicide than end up being eaten by a rabbit.

"But even so, I fought to the end..."

　Is it too cruel to say that I wanted them to fight and not give up on living until the very, very last moment?

　Both Roswaal and the people of Sanctuary treat life far too carelessly.

　Subaru, forgetting that he himself was the one who most deserved to be criticized, covered his face and cried.

　Neither Roswaal nor Subaru were able to inspire the despairing residents of Sanctuary or the refugees of Arlam Village to resist until the very end and wait for rescue.

　If they had been able to build that much trust, they would have resisted and not given up on life until the very last moment. --This, too, was all Subaru's fault, his guilt.

"At least, Rem..."

　Subaru was being far too arrogant in ranking the value of life, asking if it had been saved.

　In his head, Subaru called out to the replica he had ordered to take Rem back to the cathedral - the representative personality, Lewes. However, there was no noticeable reaction from anywhere that would suggest she had received his message.

　--Rem is inside that cathedral of fire.

　Even if they had managed to escape, Subaru wasn't so naive as to think that Ryuzu could escape the Great Rabbit on his own while still protecting Rem.

　I clench my molars and taste blood.

　Savoring the taste of blood, savoring the bitterness rising from his mouth, Subaru pondered his decision. --It should have been obvious to him that the world was no good, but he had come this far unable to give up on it so many times.

　This time, it must really be time to give up.

"――――"

　I can see the monster, obsessed with hunger, approaching me.

　The rabbits, having given up on devouring their prey, noticed Subaru on his knees and the clones surrounding him from the burning cathedral.

　Subaru stood up, brushed the snow off him, and took a deep breath.

　I don't notice the tears running down my cheeks, so I don't wipe them away.

"Emilia..."

　The world is about to end.

　Even if it didn't end, it was a world that Subaru would end.

　It was a world where not a single person could be saved, of all the people who wanted to be together and spend time together - at the end, he just wanted to be by the side of the girl he loved.

"Protect me with your life. Once we reach the tomb, you can do as you please."

　Speaking emotionlessly to the six remaining clones, Subaru took one step at a time, then another, and ran away from the flock of giant rabbits that were gradually closing in on him.

　Sensing their prey's escape, the large rabbits let out a voiceless cry and chased after Subaru's footsteps, drooling.

"――――"

　The two clones landed a blow on the beginning of the swarm of charging rabbits.

　The sounds of crushing flesh and death throes linger, and immediately afterwards even more rabbits swarm around the duplicates.

　In an instant, the entire body was covered in white fur and the duplicate fell to the side - right after receiving a fatal blow, its small body transformed into a torrent of pale light.

　With the final blow, the rabbit that had been hit by the mana explosion was caught in the crossfire, and phosphorescent lights danced wildly in the night sky of Sanctuary.

　Feeling the duplicate emit a final glow behind him, Subaru shook his head as if to shake off what he had left behind, gritted his teeth, and continued running towards the tomb.

　--I kept running.

※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※

　When he reached the tomb, Subaru's body no longer felt cold.

　Even though the snow was covering his vision and it felt as if even his eyelashes were frozen, Subaru paid no attention to it as white breath spilled from his trembling lips.

　His dull, heavy thoughts conjured up only the image of a single girl.

　Subaru stepped noisily on the cobblestone walkway, heading deeper into the passage.

　The girl who had been lying there during the Trial should be waiting for Subaru.

Subaru:

　As soon as he came across an open space, a voice called out his name.

　Enticed by the voice, Subaru turned towards the direction he was heading and entered the hall, and a person standing there let out a joyful voice.

"As I thought, Subaru! Where have you been already? I'm worried."

　Emilia said as she jogged over to Subaru and took his hand.

　Emilia, with a sulky face, took Subaru's hand and held it close to her chest, looking up at him as her body warmth reached out.

"...Are you tired?"

"Ah... I guess I'm just tired... I'm not going to die."

"Ehehe, I see. See you later."

　Emilia blushes and laughs at Subaru's honest admission.

　And then, still holding Subaru's hand, she suddenly sat down on the spot. Sitting sideways with her legs crossed, she pulled Subaru, who was crouching and being led by his hand, even closer to her,

"Here you go, Subaru."

"...A lap pillow, huh?"

"So. Subaru, you like having your head on my lap, don't you? You said so. I remember that very well. Hey, here you go."

　Following Emilia's smug smile as she slapped her knee, Subaru sat down as well, and, taking her up on the offer, rested his head on her soft thighs.

　For a moment, her short hair brushes against his soft skin, and Emilia makes a seductive "hmm" noise, but she quickly seems to get used to it and begins stroking Subaru's head.

"How many times has it happened to me to rest my head on Subaru's lap like this?"

"I wonder... maybe the third time. I always feel like I'm in a terrible state."

"I also enjoy playing with Subaru's hair and face with my fingers like this. Here, come on."

　Subaru was at the mercy of a happy Emilia, who tugged on his bangs and buried her fingers in his cheek.

　I could tell that this was her way of expressing her affection, so I didn't feel the slightest bit like trying to brush her fingers away.

　The world has already ended――for now, I want to drown in Emilia's love.

　--After all, most of the contents and blood in his stomach had already been expelled.

　Subaru's current state was so horrific that any normal person would want to look away.

　The fangs hit him from behind, and if he had pulled back his clothes he would have been able to see his bones. His thigh had been torn apart and he was bleeding profusely. When he had shook off the rabbit that had jumped on him, the fingers on his right hand had been taken away, leaving only the thumb.

　The fact that I was able to get here even with my hazy consciousness was an ironic result of my delusional determination and the icy cold that had weakened my body's metabolism.

"Subaru, is it a bit lighter than before?"

"I tried a blood diet. It's like... I'm throwing off weights like ballast and feeling lighter and lighter..."

"I don't know what you're saying, but you've done something reckless for someone else, haven't you? That's just the kind of person Subaru is. I know, but… I'm really worried."

"..."

"The truth is, I want you to do that just for my sake. But that would be selfish of me, and I don't think anyone would want to see you pretend not to notice other people for my sake. …But this is also selfish of me, I'm sorry."

　Emilia's voice grows distant as she speaks quickly.

　Unlike the cold outside, the temperature inside the tomb is kept somewhat normal. Ironically, this returns Subaru's metabolism to normal, and his blood flow, which had slowed down, resumes.

　Fresh blood spreads across the cobblestones, staining them red, and Subaru coughs and vomits blood from his mouth.

　The blood splattered, leaving specks on Emilia's pale cheeks. However――

"Hey, Subaru, are you listening? There are so, so many things I want to talk about, and ask you. Please. Stay by my side. Listen to my voice. Let me hear it, okay?"

　Emilia pays no attention to the feeling of blood splashing onto her cheek.

　No, he didn't even notice. Those amethyst eyes were certainly looking down at Subaru, reflecting his gaze - but he wasn't accepting the reality as it was.

　When Subaru returned from the mansion, he was covered in bruises from the torture-like assault he had been subjected to by Elsa. His appearance must have been even worse after Garfiel had dragged him to the tomb.

　However, Emilia didn't notice Subaru's injury, nor did she care.

　The same was true now, when he faced Subaru, whose body had been eaten by the rabbit and whose body was missing parts in various places.

　Emilia couldn't see reality right now.

　And the same may be true for Subaru.

"――――"

　If it were true, Subaru should have warned Emilia about the danger and got her away from this place.

　The rabbits had already filled the outside of the tomb, and would soon be pouring in here too. If that happened, even Emilia would be left helpless.

　Just as Roswaal had done, and the villagers had chosen to commit suicide in the flames, Emilia too would be unable to escape a brutal death.

　Even though he knows this, Subaru cannot tell Emilia.

　In just a short time, his life would be gone - and he could not escape his selfish wish to spend his final moments by Emilia's side.

　Subaru was devastated by Roswaal's words and his brutal death, the regret of having let Garfiel and Ram die, the transience of losing Petra and Frederica, and the helplessness of not being able to save Rem or Beatrice.

　The pain and even the fear of death didn't matter to me right now.

　--Right now, I just want to disappear from this world.

　Subaru's careless and selfish wish comes true.

　The world begins to turn milky, and my consciousness and soul slowly drift away from this place.

　The strength left his limbs and the feeling he had almost lost in his body vanished.

　The only one left behind was Emilia, who didn't notice Subaru being lost.

"――――"

　Was he leaving Emilia behind?

　Like this, Emilia had lost everything else she could rely on and could only rely on Subaru, and now she was going to leave even the one person she could rely on, Subaru, behind?

"ah--"

　It's too late now to regret anything. It's too late now.

　There was no sound and the life went out of her eyes.

　Emilia didn't notice this and simply tilted her head cutely at the silent Subaru.

　Then she smiled softly, and gently brought her face closer――

"Subaru――"

"――――"

　She kissed the silent Subaru.

　--That first kiss tasted of the cold "death."