Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu web novel

"She's grown so small and stubborn... She's not a child anymore. It's so painful to watch, I can't bear to look at her, haa."

　Hearing Sekhmet describe him as childish, Subaru, who was withdrawn into his own shell, thought "That may be true."

　Becoming stubborn, believing in this, and being stubborn without listening to the voices around you - but this is the least damaging and most reliable method.

　Subaru could take the chance again and again, relying on the repetition of the world, and continue to pay the price with his life, allowing him to take on an infinite number of challenges. In the process, Subaru's heart would surely be worn down and worn out over and over again.

　But just when he was about to crumble into pieces, Subaru had already received words enough to lift him up.

"--Subaru-kun is Rem's hero."

　Yes, that's enough for Subaru.

　If those words and the sight of everyone there at the end of my worn-out soul are what I see, then I want nothing more.

　What's wrong with that?

"--Bal, are you crying?"

　Suddenly, a child's voice echoed through the silence, causing the witches to gasp slightly.

　A small hand stroked the head of the curled-up Subaru. When Subaru glanced up, his eyes blurred with tears, he saw a faint reflection of a brown-skinned girl.

　The ``Arrogant Witch'' received Subaru's weak gaze,

"Poor thing to be in this situation... Who made you cry?"

　Typhon, who had been on his knees, rose to his feet and glared around at the witches who stood there in silence.

　The girl, with a dangerous light in her eyes, looked at each witch in turn, then finally noticed Satella and raised her brows.

"Terra? Terra is here? Why? It's been a while."

　Typhon waved his raised hand and called out to Satella, but the belligerent look in his eyes never faded. Sekhmet was the first to speak to him in response to his attitude, letting out a weary sigh as she sat up.

"Typhon... haa. I'm absorbing him now, haa. Don't stimulate him, haa. Come here, haa."

"Haha, did you do something bad to Bal? Haha, are you Akunin?"

"Mom, ha, you don't have the energy to become a villain, ha, you know. You have no intention of working, and no intention of making you work, ha, you know."

　Typhon nodded slightly at Sekhmet's answer, but showed no sign of leaving Subaru as she said, and then turned to look at Minerva,

"What about Luva? You're not bullying Val, are you?"

"Why don't you ask me? It's weird. I don't always heal people. Sometimes I let the violent emotions simmering inside me get the better of me and hurt them... or maybe I even hurt them..."

"It's hard to imagine a child who turns pale just thinking about it being violent."

　Echidna shrugged her shoulders and chimed in at Minerva's unreliable answer, but when Minerva sharpened her gaze and glared at Echidna, Typhon was drawn to her and looked at her in the same way, his childish features twisting into a frown.

"It's Donna. Donna, have you done something bad again? Donna, are you Akunin?"

"I wonder what it means that you're being so assertive with me. I'd like to ask my adoptive parents about it in more detail, but what do you think?"

"It all comes down to your everyday behavior, ha."

　Sekhmet puts her hand to her forehead tiredly. Typhon doesn't leave Subaru's side, remaining vigilant as she tries desperately to find her version of "the Akunin who made Subaru cry."

　Echidna narrowed her eyes at the young witch and muttered, "Even so..."

"If even Typhon shows up here, then we've almost got the whole group together. And now, if Daphne shows up too, it reminds me of what happened four hundred years ago..."

"Did you just call Daphne?"

　As if in response to Echidna's admiration, a black painted coffin suddenly appeared in the grassland.

　Inside the coffin, her whole body bound in a straitjacket, her eyes even sealed shut, was the ``Witch of Gluttony,'' Daphne.

　She gave a little snort and seemed to be examining the identity of everyone there by just her sense of smell.

"Aside from Subaru, Tera Tera is here too? That's incredible. All seven witches of the deadly sins are here, and on top of that, there's even a sage candidate…"

"Daphne -- he hasn't gotten that far yet."

"...Ah, I'm sorry about that. But even so... sniff sniff. It smells salty. Is someone crying? Is it Neruneru?"

　A dull, insensitive voice gently hammered away at the tense situation.

　The dream castle that exists today, with all seven witches, including Satella, gathered together, is a sight that would have been unlikely to come true even four hundred years ago, during the heyday of witches.

　Just seven witches had plunged the world into chaos in the past - and in the current situation where some of them were on the brink of war, a concentrated power was concentrated that could even change the shape of the world.

　The ``Arrogant Witch'' wanted to bring justice upon the person who made the tiny boy cry.

　The ``Wrathful Witch'' clenched her fists, in order to fulfill the wishes of the close witch standing beside her.

　The ``Witch of Sloth'' kept a close eye on everyone's movements, while listlessly standing ready to crush them instantly if anything happened.

　The ``Lustful Witch'' maintains a hands-off attitude while being able to protect herself in an emergency.

　The 『Gluttonous Witch』 no longer cared about changes in the situation, and was instead concerned about whose finger she should bite to best satisfy her hunger.

　The Greedy Witch seemed to be annoyed by the presence of one other witch, but her eyes lit up with curiosity about the current tea ceremony, the outcome of which was unclear.

　And Satella is not the "Witch of Jealousy"...

"I love you. --Because you gave me light. Because you took my hand and showed me the outside world. Because you were by my side, holding my hand all night when I was shivering in loneliness. Because you kissed me when I was all alone, telling me I wasn't alone. I have received so much from you. ...And so, I love you. Because you, you gave me everything."

"――――"

　Subaru had no recollection of any of Satella's whispers.

　He doesn't know, he knows nothing. He has never met Satella, exchanged a word with her, or shared any warmth with her. What she was talking about was the product of a delusion. A woman driven mad by passion is just fantasizing about non-existent fantasies and seeing Subaru as an illusion.

　That should be the case, and yet, 『Natsuki Subaru』 knows it.

"Why... What is this inside of me? I don't want these feelings. Don't bind me with memories that don't exist... I, I don't know you... You don't know me..."

　Just tell them that you hate them.

　All you have to do is show the person who has feelings for you that you don't have any feelings for them. When you do that, it will be interesting to see what kind of expression the person who tries to distort other people's feelings for their own selfish purposes will have. I'm sure their face will be contorted in pain.

　- How could you do that to her?

"Bal?"

"boy..."

"That child..."

"You..."

"Subaru?"

"--Ah, that is also an option, Natsuki Subaru."

　The witches each called out to Subaru, and Echidna nodded slightly at the result of her call.

"-- Okay."

　--Crouching on the ground, Subaru bit off his own tongue.

　The witches had cornered me and I no longer understood anything.

　Moreover, in this situation where even the state of his own heart seems to be twisted, if he cannot even free his will, then what is left for Subaru?

　It would be fine if he couldn't even get his way and was simply rejected.

　If being with Satella had made him accept even being rejected—that was something that frightened Subaru.

　--What would happen if you lost your life in the castle of dreams?

　Subaru's body should currently be within the tomb of the Sanctuary.

　What was being called here was Subaru's spirit, his soul so to speak. If his spirit died here, would that be fed back into his body? Or would it be the death of his soul?

　I don't care. If I have to die and start over, I'm prepared for that.

　If I didn't ask for the witches' help, stripped myself away more than ever, got rid of all unnecessary elements, and just worked hard, then surely a way would open up - and that would be me.

"You idiot――!"

　The moment she realized that Subaru had committed suicide, Minerva rolled up her sleeves and stepped forward, running to hit Subaru with her fist filled with healing power, to heal him, but Typhon, who had been standing beside Subaru, stepped in before she could do so.

　The young witch spread her small body wide and stood in front of Minerva,

"Bal chose it himself! Luva shouldn't get in the way!"

"I won't tolerate any of it in front of me - suicide, suicide decision, hurting others, or murder! I don't care about your mental anguish! I don't care about invisible wounds! So! Instead, I won't overlook the visible wounds!"

　With one step, the ground collapsed, and Minerva's wind-piercing fist approached Typhon's face.

　The force of the fist is enough to crush a mountain, but the moment it hits a living being, the destructive energy is converted into healing energy. However, the shockwave and impact of the blow penetrate the target.

　An explosion rang out, and Minerva's outstretched arm sent Typhon flying with a single, successful hit.

　The underdeveloped girl's body was blown away like a leaf, flying high into the temporary blue sky above the grassland. A merciless scene - but Typhon was not the only victim.

「――――!!」

　Minerva's right arm shook off, breaking like ice crystals from her shoulder and scattering.

　This was the result of the judgement of the ``Witch of Arrogance'' denying actions that were deemed ``evil.''

　Minerva looked up at the sky in pain at losing her arm, opened her mouth wide and screamed――,

"Farting kappa――aah!!"

　do not have.

　The "Witch of Wrath", who is sensitive to the pain of others, always puts off feeling her own pain.

　That would be like putting Natsuki Subaru's way of life aside and putting his own on the back burner.

"Anyway, this is――!"

　With nothing in her way, Minerva twisted her remaining left arm and leapt towards Subaru. Her powerful arm was aimed at Subaru from above and knocked down,

"The next person to get in the way is me, ha."

　With her blonde hair flying, in an instant Minerva was thrown to the ground.

　With her whole body pressed against the ground, creating a human-shaped depression in the grassland, Minerva raised her head and shouted at Sekhmet, who was sitting cross-legged, her face red with rage.

"Don't get in the way--! Sekhmet--!"

"That's not how it works, ha. I'm on the boy's side emotionally, ha. And I might add that I'm also on Typhon's side, ha. There's no reason for me not to get in the way, ha."

　At Sekhmet's declaration of hostility, Minerva bit her lip in frustration and looked around.

　However, Daphne and Carmilla are neutral in this conflict, and Echidna is merely a bystander observing the outcome. And Satella...

"Ah....Ah...."

　Her voice trembled as she watched Subaru collapse to his knees, coughing up a huge amount of fresh blood from his mouth.

　With his throat blocked by gurgling blood and his severed tongue, Subaru felt like he was drowning, but at the edge of his consciousness he caught a glimpse of Satella.

　I wonder if she's crying.

　Seeing Subaru's "death", he appears to be more shaken than ever.

"Why don't you realize...? That you should be a part of everything you wish to save."

　Why did she think of Subaru in this way?

　Just how much had Subaru supported her emotionally in her delusion?

"Just like those who are languishing in the dead end of fate, it will come to you too. However, you alone have the possibility to turn it around… you too are someone who deserves to be saved, so why?"

　That's all wrong.

　Subaru is a hopeless guy, he fails to even complete what he thinks is within his reach, he can't even save the people he wants to save, and he's unable to escape from being a half-hearted person.

　Didn't he swear to himself that he would get out of there, that he would give up halfway?

　I think he decided that to look cool.

　--There is a struggle within me between the part of me that is weak and the part of me that doesn't want to be weak.

　Natsuki Subaru's weaknesses can no longer be shown to anyone.

　You must be strong, noble, and resilient - you must live the life that a hero should live.

　One girl wished that upon Subaru. It was a curse that Subaru had placed on her, and Subaru felt a responsibility to get revenge on the girl he had bound with that curse. No. It wasn't about responsibility or anything. However, if she believed that, then he wanted to be that person that she could believe in.

　She told Subaru that she loved him, so he wants to be the one who can continue to have her tell him that she loves him.

　Ah, yes.

　That's right.

　If there was anyone who would mourn Subaru's death, it would be her.

　Choosing "death" would mean betraying the girl who believed in him. Of course, Subaru has no intention of ending it with "death". To get rid of the reason for "death", to get everything back, he is prepared to even use "death" as a stepping stone.

　But what about those left behind by Subaru, who chose "death"?

　Don't think about it.

　You must not know. That is a dangerous way of thinking.

　It's fine. This is fine for Natsuki Subaru.

　You should never think that anyone misses you.

　He wasn't a person with that kind of value. Subaru's life was expendable. It should be expendable, something that should be used, used, used up, and continued until it reaches the end.

　Whatever it takes, make good use of the opportunity to die and don't face your own death.

　Just accept it. There's no need to think about it. It's a decision to throw away what needs to be thrown away in order to pick up what you want. Everyone does it. Subaru should do the same.

　It's enough if we can help the important people who deserve to be saved.

　If Subaru could do that, then――

"What exactly did you see during these two Trials?"

　Trials. -- Trials. Trials, "trials." Trials trial trials, "trials" trial trials trial trials, trials --?

　The lack of oxygen and shock have caused his mind to slow down extremely.

　Even visibility was becoming increasingly blurred, the world was beginning to flash red, and noise ran across the room like television static, and Subaru vaguely wondered if the end was coming soon.

　The end comes slowly.

　It's a pain to count how many times I've faced death, but that's okay.

　Eventually, you will have to die so many times that it will be too much to even count.

　I don't think it's possible to maintain that kind of mentality, where you can count the number of deaths.

　A heart of steel.

　With a heart of steel that will not be shaken by anything--

　Just like that, Subaru's consciousness slowly, slowly faded away.

　Eventually, it disappears,

　　　* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"I look forward to it, son."

　There was a sound.

　From beyond the noise, from amongst the scattered sound reflections, an unusually clear sound came.

"--Take care"

　I heard it again.

　A different sound was heard. But it had the same effect on my heart.

"I wanted to call you my friend."

　A different sound, a sound that changes the way you feel.

　A terrible, unsettling sound, but also a pleasant one.

"Subaru-sama... I'm sorry..."

　Another sound.

　A sense of loneliness and something similar to longing comes to mind, and it's a sound that makes me feel sorry.

"I know that you're not that person... but..."

　I heard my chest tighten.

　When I hear that sound, I just can't bear it. The sound of someone wanting to cry. The sound of someone who shouldn't be made to cry. The sound of someone who needs to be protected. Sound. Sound. Sound.

"Show me something cool, Subaru."

　I reacted to the sound with a loud thud as something popped inside me.

　My whole body gets hot. I feel a sense of mission. This sound has always supported me.

　and,

"Thank you, Subaru."

　There was a sound.

『―For helping me.』

　--A sound was heard, signalling the beginning of everything.

※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※

　Will I end up crying?

　Would the people Subaru cares about be sad if they found out he had died?

　Subaru had selfishly experienced "death" and thus had left the world, but I wonder if the irreplaceable people who remained in that world mourned his death and grieved over it.

　Just as Subaru repeated "Return by Death" in search of the best, regretting his lack of strength, perhaps they too regretted the time when they lost Subaru after falling just one step short.

　There are people who think that it's important.

　There are people who believe that it must be protected.

　There are people who wish they could be rescued from the dead end of their destiny.

　--Am I worthy of being missed by those important to me?

　Is it okay to be conceited?

　That even someone like me is an important person, that the people who are important to me think of me as such.

　Is it okay to believe it?

　Even someone like me is needed by the people I want to protect, so much so that they want to protect me.

　Even if I wish for it, will it be forgiven?

　Even someone like me has the value of having people who will cry over what I've lost and reach out to save me.

　--Is it okay to think that?

　I don't want to die.

　I don't want to give up just because that's the only option.

　He said he didn't want to be the foundation that was needed to protect the future of those he cares about to disappear.

　He wanted to be a part of that future that he was able to protect, together with the people he cared about.

　Is it okay to think like that?

　Do I have the qualifications for that?

　If there is oneーー,

"I don't want to die..."

　A sound was made along with the sound of blood clots spilling and air escaping.

　His throat, which should have been closed after his tongue was bitten off, opens, and he gasps for oxygen, opening and closing his mouth. His lungs expand, oxygen circulates to his brain, and his blurred vision begins to return.

　and,

"That's what you really think, isn't it...?"

　ーーRight in front of him, the 『Witch of Wrath』, face red, had healed Subaru with a headbutt, having lost both her legs in the process by sheer sheer willpower.