Rizz Taoist Master [A Reverend Insanity Fanfiction]

Scene Transmission!

While the Heavenly Court wasn't feeling too yeehaw lately, neither was Fang Zheng. 

"Nah, this ain't it! This is straight-up rigged!" Fang Zheng's internal monologue was a full-blown meltdown. "I was grinding 24/7, and he was just hitting the snooze button, and he still clutched the W? The whole game's rigged, FR! Why me? WHY?!"

The sun was hitting that golden hour vibe, birds were dropping fire beats, and spring was giving Qing Mao Mountain a full glow-up.

Fang Zheng was standing in the sunlight, head down, teeth clenched, staring at his solo shadow, like he was checking his reflection for L's. His hype balloon had deflated faster than a meme stock, replaced by a chaotic mix of "huh?", "nah fam!", "I'm not crying, you are!", "plot twist?", "I'm scared", and a whole lot of other feels.

He had no hope of using Touching Grass gu in this situation. 

As the sun climbed higher, the academy's bulletin board dropped the official name list: Fang Yuan at #1, Fang Zheng at #2. The news spread like a viral TikTok.

Students who'd been rizzing their Gu at home were throwing their controllers against the wall, metaphorically speaking.

"Wait, that's sus!" "Fang Zheng winning? Okay, I'd believe that. But Fang Yuan? He's a whole NPC!" "A glitch in the matrix? A-tier Fang Zheng lost to C-tier Fang Yuan? Is this a fever dream?"

Scene Transmission!

The Mo branch family mansion.

The courtyard was giving off major "zen garden" vibes, with tea scents wafting through the air.

Clan alpha Gooner Yue Mo Bei was chilling at his desk, watching the spring scenery, sipping his tea, like a low-key boss. "Mo Bei's still not back to the grind?"

The housekeeper replied, "After hearing about Fang Yuan's unexpected W this afternoon, young master Mo Bei is throwing a tantrum and rage-quit the Gu rizzment. It's a tragedy, he was so close to leveling up. Fang Zheng winning? We could've brushed that off. But Fang Yuan? He's a whole bot! So young master Mo Bei's lost his motivation, it is what it is."

"Hmph! Stupid millennials, this is waht happens when you give out participation trophies to everyone!" Gooner Yue Mo Chen scoffed, face like stone, voice cutting through the air like a diss track. "A Gu Master's grind is a marathon, not a sprint. A tiny L like this? Please. Fang Yuan's a C-tier noob, he probably got carried by RNG. His Moonlight Gu probably had the willpower of a goldfish. If Mo Bei's gonna throw a tantrum over this, how's he gonna lead the Mo fam, how's he gonna clap back at the Chi fam? No one hold his hand, let him touch grass and figure it out!"

"Yes, sir." The housekeeper wasn't about to argue with that level of shade.

Scene Transmission!

Meanwhile, at the Chi fam HQ.

"Sigh, Gooner Yue Fang Yuan... bruh." Gooner Yue Chi Lian sighed, brows furrowed, waving a hand like he was dismissing a notification. "Yo, someone, summon Chi Chen, ASAP."

Gooner Yue Chi Chen walked in, looking like he'd just lost a ranked match, kneeling down with the proper emote. "Grandpa, your grandson's here."

"You heard the news, didn't you?" Gooner Yue Chi Lian stared at his grandson, tone gentle, like he was about to drop some wisdom. "I called you here so you wouldn't start doomscrolling about this. Listen, crafting a vital Gu is all about stats and the Gu's vibe."

"Fang Yuan's a C-tier, he got lucky. His Gu's willpower was probably on that "low battery" level compared to yours. Don't let this throw you off, it's a fluke. He's C-tier, his resources are pay-to-lose compared to yours. His grind's gonna be way harder. Trust your grandpa, you'll out-grind him in no time."

"So, drop this whole "Fang Yuan drama" thing. He's not even a boss fight, he's a tutorial NPC. Your real competition? A-tier Fang Zheng and Mo family's Mo Bei. Got it?"

"Yes, grandpa, thanks for the pep talk. I get it. I'm going back to the grind!" Gooner Yue Chi Chen's sad boi vibes were gone, replaced by that "let's get this bread" energy.

"Good, my guy." Elder Gooner Yue Chi Lian nodded, feeling the good vibes. He smiled, giving off that "proud grandpa" energy. "You might be a C-tier, but don't sweat it, grandpa's got your back. Later, I'm gonna drop a Rank 3 Gu aura on your Moonlight Gu, basically a cheat code to speedrun the crafting."

Scene Transmission!

The sky was giving off that "default wallpaper" aesthetic, blue and clear, like a freshly wiped screen. The sun was shining gold, like a loot box opening animation.

Puffy white clouds were drifting by, and a squad of rainbow peacock parrots were flying in formation, chirping like a flock of hyped streamers.

These rainbow-feathered birds, eagle-sized with parrot beaks and peacock tails, only drop during the Spring event.

Ten days had passed since Fang Yuan's unexpected W. Spring's breeze was giving the mountain's green grass a fresh blowout, wildflowers were blooming like a limited-time skin drop, and bees and butterflies were doing a coordinated dance emote. Spring was hitting different.

The training grounds, surrounded by tall bamboo walls, were overflowing with that Spring energy, like a server with boosted XP.

The field, covering 3 basketball fields, had a flat grey graphite floor, like a giant mousepad. Green spear bamboo lined the sides, forming a tall green wall, like a natural privacy screen. Stone corners and patches of grass were scattered around, and wild roses were climbing the bamboo, like nature was trying to glitch through the walls.

Fifty-seven fifteen-year-olds were standing in a semi-circle around the academy alpha in the center, all eyes on him, like they were waiting for a patch update.

This was a "how to Moonlight Gu" tutorial, basically a beginner's guide.

"The Moonlight Gu is our Gooner Yue clan's signature move, like the Xiong House's Bear Strength buff, and the Bing Chilling House's Stream heal. Most of you picked the Moonlight Gu for your starter Pokemon, so pay attention, class. I'm about to drop a masterclass on how to DPS with it. Even if you're rocking a different build, stick around, this ranged attack strat is a universal skill tree, super versatile."